OP, you're scaring me.
I have seen extreme weight loss in action, and it is not pretty. I've have anorexic, bulimic, and binge-eating friends, and none of them did well at all before they got psychological help. Please Google all three of those terms if they sound unfamiliar.
I'm not a shrink, but you don't sound very healthy to me - physically or mentally. I'm on track to go to medical school, and I can say that by working out to that point of being unable to walk long distances, you're probably damaging your bones and joints, and if you do it every day, your muscles don't have time to rebuild. And even if they did have the time to get stronger, they don't have the energy for it, because you aren't eating to give them fuel for repairwork.
Psychologically, it sounds like you're trying very hard to control yourself. I get that; I have obsessive-compulsive disorder, which is all about control and fear. But when the desire to control gets, well, out of control, it's not good for you.
I suggest that you seek some counseling so you can find other ways to feel good and in control. Most towns, even very small ones, have a community counseling center that offers services on a sliding scale, so even if you're flat broke, you can afford to go there. Counseling isn't scary or weird, and I'm by no means calling you crazy. I think you'd just feel better about all of this if you had someone friendly and nonjudgmental to talk to.
As for the weight loss thing.
When you are hungry, eat something your grandparents would recognize - like fruit, vegetables, meat, and bread, not Cheetos, premade pizza, Hot Pockets, Gatorade, or whatever. When you are not hungry anymore, stop eating.
Exercise for thirty minutes to an hour once a day. Something that gets your heart going fast and makes you sweat a little is all you need. Go jogging, play games, rock-climbing, dancing, whatever. That's all that you need to be healthy, and probably all that you need to lose weight.
And why is it so important to lose weight in the first place? I used to stress out over that a lot, too, and then I realized that it's more important to be comfortable with myself. I can run a few miles, dance for a few hours, and swim like nobody's business, so I'm in good shape, but I'm not skinny. I've got a little extra jiggle going on, but I know that it's more important to be happy with myself and enjoy life.
Please eat! Be kind to yourself! Good luck!
Is It Normal To Want Myself To Starve?
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OP, you're scaring me.
I have seen extreme weight loss in action, and it is not pretty. I've have anorexic, bulimic, and binge-eating friends, and none of them did well at all before they got psychological help. Please Google all three of those terms if they sound unfamiliar.
I'm not a shrink, but you don't sound very healthy to me - physically or mentally. I'm on track to go to medical school, and I can say that by working out to that point of being unable to walk long distances, you're probably damaging your bones and joints, and if you do it every day, your muscles don't have time to rebuild. And even if they did have the time to get stronger, they don't have the energy for it, because you aren't eating to give them fuel for repairwork.
Psychologically, it sounds like you're trying very hard to control yourself. I get that; I have obsessive-compulsive disorder, which is all about control and fear. But when the desire to control gets, well, out of control, it's not good for you.
I suggest that you seek some counseling so you can find other ways to feel good and in control. Most towns, even very small ones, have a community counseling center that offers services on a sliding scale, so even if you're flat broke, you can afford to go there. Counseling isn't scary or weird, and I'm by no means calling you crazy. I think you'd just feel better about all of this if you had someone friendly and nonjudgmental to talk to.
As for the weight loss thing.
When you are hungry, eat something your grandparents would recognize - like fruit, vegetables, meat, and bread, not Cheetos, premade pizza, Hot Pockets, Gatorade, or whatever. When you are not hungry anymore, stop eating.
Exercise for thirty minutes to an hour once a day. Something that gets your heart going fast and makes you sweat a little is all you need. Go jogging, play games, rock-climbing, dancing, whatever. That's all that you need to be healthy, and probably all that you need to lose weight.
And why is it so important to lose weight in the first place? I used to stress out over that a lot, too, and then I realized that it's more important to be comfortable with myself. I can run a few miles, dance for a few hours, and swim like nobody's business, so I'm in good shape, but I'm not skinny. I've got a little extra jiggle going on, but I know that it's more important to be happy with myself and enjoy life.
Please eat! Be kind to yourself! Good luck!