Is it normal to want an abusive boyfriend?

Yes. It is normal, even healthy to have fantasies about things that could be harmful in real life. These fantasies might stem from previous situations that were frightening or scary that you now have a desire to work through, either consciously or subconsciously. They might stem from the repression of your own violent impulses. Or, you may be fantasizing about this because it is something that seems taboo or dangerous, and therefore thrilling. It is very common for people to have rape fantasies, etc. Remember, though, that in the fantasy, you are still in control of whatever behavior occurs. In real life, putting yourself in this type of situation can entail real physical harm, permanent physical or emotional damage, or death. If you want to explore this fantasy in the physical realm, I'd suggest learning about communication skills and boundaries, and talking to a sex-positive therapist. Then, finding a trustworthy partner who is comfortable discussing your/their needs & emotional well-being before engaging in any type of "play". Sadomasochism exists for a reason; just remember your health and safety are as important as your sexual exploration!!