There is no shame in finding another trusted adult to talk to. Someone to help you work through your problems, because it will certainly be difficult to do it on your own. Talk to a school counselor, a teacher, a friend's parent, an aunt or uncle.... Is there someone? You can call a suicide hotline, and they may be able to refer you to somewhere local. Things can get better!
Is it normal to think my mind is an endless form of torture
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There is no shame in finding another trusted adult to talk to. Someone to help you work through your problems, because it will certainly be difficult to do it on your own. Talk to a school counselor, a teacher, a friend's parent, an aunt or uncle.... Is there someone? You can call a suicide hotline, and they may be able to refer you to somewhere local. Things can get better!