I am the same. When I really try to get my head around death I get panic attacks. I fucking hate them. Everything you've explained happens to me as well, minus the crying. If I let myself I'm sure I could cry, but I try hard not to. It never gets easier no matter how I try to calm myself. Death terrifies me. This makes me feel weak, and jealous of those that don't stress about death. Although sometimes it makes me feel somewhat enlightened. Fuck, I don't know.
Is it normal to think about dieing, then getting so scared you cry?
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I am the same. When I really try to get my head around death I get panic attacks. I fucking hate them. Everything you've explained happens to me as well, minus the crying. If I let myself I'm sure I could cry, but I try hard not to. It never gets easier no matter how I try to calm myself. Death terrifies me. This makes me feel weak, and jealous of those that don't stress about death. Although sometimes it makes me feel somewhat enlightened. Fuck, I don't know.