I agree with the thoughtful response above and would add something you said: "what about me!"
What about you indeed because you are getting the short end of the stick. He has his marriage. You have nothing. You have a lot of reasons to let this go for your own sake.
One more thing: watch what you wish for, you just might get it. What kind of man proposes marriage to another woman while already married? Is this really the kind of man you want?
So let it go - and being a bit more honest to yourself about the nature of this relationship in its entirety will make doing that easier.
is it normal to stop my life after losing someone i adore?
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I agree with the thoughtful response above and would add something you said: "what about me!"
What about you indeed because you are getting the short end of the stick. He has his marriage. You have nothing. You have a lot of reasons to let this go for your own sake.
One more thing: watch what you wish for, you just might get it. What kind of man proposes marriage to another woman while already married? Is this really the kind of man you want?
So let it go - and being a bit more honest to yourself about the nature of this relationship in its entirety will make doing that easier.