Because it's a weakness to hold grudges against someone just because you weren't compatable to have a relationship with them. Just because a couple fails to be compatable enough to have that sort of relationship doesn't mean they cannot be friends. That's just ridiculous. I know lots of girls I am good friends with but I couldn't live with them. I'm not only going to be friends with people I can tolerate living with. Personally if I was like that I wouldn't have any friends.
It's not about holding grudges, it's about moving on. If you have a romantic history with someone, and that person is still in your life in some form, it's GOING to affect your future relationships somehow. There's going to be all sorts of messy feelings.
You can rationalize it, or deny it, or whatever, all you want, but you're always going to be more than "just friends". And that's really not fair to your current bf/gf.
Relationship don't last forever. Part of being an adult is knowing when and how to end them, and then accepting that it's over.
Part of being an adult is knowing that other people can have different experiences from you and that doesn't necessarily make them wrong.
Some people are actually able to remain good friends with their exes, AND be close with them without letting those connections threaten their current relationships. Not all people are jealous and possessive about their romantic partners (past or present).
It's not about "moving on", it's about keeping people in your life who you care about but maybe don't share enough of a romantic connection to make it work in the long haul. Sure, some people (like you, I'm assuming) cannot handle it, but that hardly means everyone is in the same boat.
This is the point I was trying to make.
I'm still friends with my ex's and in all my relationships the reason they seem to end is because the girl felt it was like we were just friends. Personally I'm not sure if I'm able to experience romance the way most people do. It is healthy to keep people in your life who are there for you. I also know lots of girls who I never had a relationship with who are good friends. I see my ex's the same way and don't even normally call them ex's but would rather just call them friends because ex sounds bad. I've never had a bad breakup and have always gotten along with my girlfriends but I seem unable to bond with people to where I can live with them. Also even if I were to have another relationship I would never get with someone who has jealousy issues as I find that to be the worst trait someone can have in a relationship.
I'm in the process of a breakup now and am hoping to maintain a close friendship in the end. There's nothing wrong with wanting it to work that way and many people do actually make it work.
And, I find, it works best in instances where the passion has already died for both parties, so what's left is essentially a close friendship. The transition from romantic relationship to friendship is much easier for both people to manage then.
I guess you and I are a lot alike in that respect. It's quite possible it's the reason why we have an easier time staying friends with past lovers. I've only had one bad break up and it happened early on, quite suddenly, and there was also a very significant amount of attraction. But, up until that relationship, I always felt much like what you'd mentioned earlier, wondering if I'd ever be able to have a normal amount of attachment in a relationship. Maybe you and I are unique that way.
Is it normal to still be friends with all your past girlfriends?
↑ View this comment's parent
← View full post
Because it's a weakness to hold grudges against someone just because you weren't compatable to have a relationship with them. Just because a couple fails to be compatable enough to have that sort of relationship doesn't mean they cannot be friends. That's just ridiculous. I know lots of girls I am good friends with but I couldn't live with them. I'm not only going to be friends with people I can tolerate living with. Personally if I was like that I wouldn't have any friends.
--
Sog
9 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
-1
-1
It's not about holding grudges, it's about moving on. If you have a romantic history with someone, and that person is still in your life in some form, it's GOING to affect your future relationships somehow. There's going to be all sorts of messy feelings.
You can rationalize it, or deny it, or whatever, all you want, but you're always going to be more than "just friends". And that's really not fair to your current bf/gf.
Relationship don't last forever. Part of being an adult is knowing when and how to end them, and then accepting that it's over.
--
[Old Memory]
9 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
1
1
Part of being an adult is knowing that other people can have different experiences from you and that doesn't necessarily make them wrong.
Some people are actually able to remain good friends with their exes, AND be close with them without letting those connections threaten their current relationships. Not all people are jealous and possessive about their romantic partners (past or present).
It's not about "moving on", it's about keeping people in your life who you care about but maybe don't share enough of a romantic connection to make it work in the long haul. Sure, some people (like you, I'm assuming) cannot handle it, but that hardly means everyone is in the same boat.
--
[Old Memory]
9 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
1
1
This is the point I was trying to make.
I'm still friends with my ex's and in all my relationships the reason they seem to end is because the girl felt it was like we were just friends. Personally I'm not sure if I'm able to experience romance the way most people do. It is healthy to keep people in your life who are there for you. I also know lots of girls who I never had a relationship with who are good friends. I see my ex's the same way and don't even normally call them ex's but would rather just call them friends because ex sounds bad. I've never had a bad breakup and have always gotten along with my girlfriends but I seem unable to bond with people to where I can live with them. Also even if I were to have another relationship I would never get with someone who has jealousy issues as I find that to be the worst trait someone can have in a relationship.
--
[Old Memory]
9 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
1
1
I'm in the process of a breakup now and am hoping to maintain a close friendship in the end. There's nothing wrong with wanting it to work that way and many people do actually make it work.
And, I find, it works best in instances where the passion has already died for both parties, so what's left is essentially a close friendship. The transition from romantic relationship to friendship is much easier for both people to manage then.
--
[Old Memory]
9 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
1
1
That may be why I am able to do this. The only difference I can see between romantic relationships and good friendship is sexual attraction.
--
[Old Memory]
9 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
I guess you and I are a lot alike in that respect. It's quite possible it's the reason why we have an easier time staying friends with past lovers. I've only had one bad break up and it happened early on, quite suddenly, and there was also a very significant amount of attraction. But, up until that relationship, I always felt much like what you'd mentioned earlier, wondering if I'd ever be able to have a normal amount of attachment in a relationship. Maybe you and I are unique that way.