Is it normal to self reflect?

I feel like I've lost myself somewhere along the way. I notice other people seem to be able to mentally step back and still be in control of themselves. I think I used to be able to do that, but I'm constantly fully present.

I had an interview for a job with Coke that would have been awesome for me. I wore a button down and my boots, I wanted to look nice and show I can handle physical work. I feel like I was doing okay until they asked about where I live. I gave them the address instead of the general area and got a little nervous. The interview ended abruptly after. I also moved my eyebrows a lot, I was trying not to show a stupid face but I don't think that helped. They said they'd call in a week or so but I saw through their portal they already dismissed my application that night.

I keep thinking about my past and how I used to be. I feel like there are answers there that could help me. I do remember always being a little shy and nervous though, I always had to be led on to fit in. I got better when I lived with my aunt and her family, but my ignorance and things out of my control ended that. I moved through several "homes" after that. I never felt like I belonged anywhere.

Part of me wants to reconnect with people, people who have liked me. I wonder if I might find part of myself again. I can't shake this recurring theme of burning bridges though. Everywhere I go. I'm scared of being laughed at or refused. I'm scared of even getting through the door because I expect to have it slammed on me at some point. I'm scared to go to work and out anywhere and to make friends because of this cycle. I try to be brave about accepting being alone but I feel so hollow and unhuman. I try to have dreams about my future but it's hard to be optimistic when the reality seems devoid of what I would call success.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 10 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • It's normal to self reflect. In fact, it's a good thing if you can learn lessons from it and improve your future.

    As for the job interview.... I understand your issue with the where do you live question.

    For the future; might I suggest that you pre-plan an answer for that. It's OK to say that I didn't live in the best area when I was growing up, and am moving up in that.

    It would also help if you knew someone who lived near your exected job where you have an agreement with then that you can tell the interviewers that you can live with a friend in the "ZYX" area until you can get a place closer to work (or something along that line).

    I wish you well with this,

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    • The problem with the address is they just got done saying they give routes based on where people live. I think it was a shit test for autistic tendencies. If they gave me the job I would be staging merchandise for their clients, and if I'm so literal I gave the full address... 🙃🤪🤯

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  • I self reflect occasionally, come to a conclusion, then disregard it.

    I’m funny like that.

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    • I've done that too. At least it forms the neural pathways and I can integrate it as I notice the synchronicity if I think about it again

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      • While synchronicity is pretty amazing if you notice it, you do know it has no meaning. It’s not to be used to gauge anything.

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        • Let's say you acknowledge that you can be impatient, but after a few days of being aware of your impatience you forget. After some time you may become impatient again and realize you've thought about it before

          The synchronicity is acknowledging you're impatient on separate occasions. It's important because it shows you've thought about it before. It can reinforce your ability to work on your impatience. If there was a gauge, it'd be how many times you'd have to think about something for it to become important

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  • Hey! If I said it's 100% normal I'd be lying - but only because of some people's complete lack of self-awareness and disinterest in self-reflection. That said, it's definitely normal for some of us to explore the self and question who we are. There's not much I can say about your inner journey itself except keep going, it should be good for ya. :)

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    • You have an uncanny ability to make me reassess things. I used to know someone like that

      I don't think I want to give up all these people forever, but I definitely want to be better before I try to pursue contact. And I definitely have to accept if they don't want to. That's the catch though, I don't think I would handle it well if that happened. It's like I have to get better to talk to them and I have to talk to people to get better and I have to talk to someone I trust to be able to handle talking to people

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