Okay, before we jump to conclusions about a complete stranger as described in a secondhand account, let's assess the damn situation.
Here:
1. If your boyfriend is physically harming you or your children, you need to contact the police immediately. No question. Do NOT stay in an abusive relationship, and do NOT let your children grow up in a violent home.
2. If he's not an immediate danger to you or your children, the next step is to decide whether this relationship can be fixed. Have you tried to have a calm conversation with him about this issue? If not, you absolutely should. You'd be surprised how much can be fixed with honest, relaxed communication.
3. If having a calm conversation didn't work, consider going to couple's therapy. This may help with communication and anger issues. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, all relationships have their issues.
4. If you've tried this and it hasn't worked or you're otherwise unwilling to go, you should leave the relationship. If you're simply not happy and you don't see it getting better, you need to try to find something else. It's easy to think that at this point you should take what you can get. But that's not healthy. And it isn't good for your daughters to grow up with angry, argumentative parents.
I was going by what she had said also if you look at what comments she had made too.
I was telling them to get away because you shouldn't have to deal with the abuse; which they "did" mention.
Also the guy is crazy it's obvious; he won't stop screaming and yelling at her and won't let her live her life.
Normally you can't fix these kind of relationships here. But yes if they do have a calm conversation maybe things will workout better, but I seriously wouldn't want to deal with the crap that happened and like she said she just asks simple questions calmly and he gives her crap.
She is obviously at number 4 and can't deal with it. :\
I am completely opposed to jumping to conclusions and voting to immediately end a seven year parental relationship based on one secondhand anecdote. We don't know either of these people. I'm not trying to be cynical, but we can't throw out the possibility that it was mis-phrased, misinterpreted, or even exaggerated. She didn't explain what she meant by "abusive" (I'd imagine that if he's violent, THAT would presumably be the focus of this story), so I told her what to do in the event of two different types of abuse (physical and emotional).
Think of it this way. If the relationship is truly violent and tumultuous, taking your advice would have the same result as my advice, right? Either way she would leave. But if the relationship is salvageable and not violent, then your advice leads to unnecessarily dissolving the parental figures of two girls, while mine makes an attempt to save it. Basically we said the same thing, except I didn't assume the relationship was unfixable, so I offered advice on what to do if it is fixable.
I'm not trying to attack you, I just think it's important to be levelheaded in any situation instead of potentially being impulsive with other people's lives.
I think she just needs to get away from him a little while and then see where it goes.
Yes I don't think it would be right to take two daughters away from the father either, not one bit unless he is violent toward them too. And thats not what I was saying either. I was saying she needs to get a away from the bullcrap but at the same time I know I was misleading from what I had said. :)
But yes since he is the father he has a right to see his daughters. But in the relationship I don't see much happening.
Is it normal to resent my so called "boyfriend"
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Okay, before we jump to conclusions about a complete stranger as described in a secondhand account, let's assess the damn situation.
Here:
1. If your boyfriend is physically harming you or your children, you need to contact the police immediately. No question. Do NOT stay in an abusive relationship, and do NOT let your children grow up in a violent home.
2. If he's not an immediate danger to you or your children, the next step is to decide whether this relationship can be fixed. Have you tried to have a calm conversation with him about this issue? If not, you absolutely should. You'd be surprised how much can be fixed with honest, relaxed communication.
3. If having a calm conversation didn't work, consider going to couple's therapy. This may help with communication and anger issues. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, all relationships have their issues.
4. If you've tried this and it hasn't worked or you're otherwise unwilling to go, you should leave the relationship. If you're simply not happy and you don't see it getting better, you need to try to find something else. It's easy to think that at this point you should take what you can get. But that's not healthy. And it isn't good for your daughters to grow up with angry, argumentative parents.
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Saycheese
11 years ago
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I was going by what she had said also if you look at what comments she had made too.
I was telling them to get away because you shouldn't have to deal with the abuse; which they "did" mention.
Also the guy is crazy it's obvious; he won't stop screaming and yelling at her and won't let her live her life.
Normally you can't fix these kind of relationships here. But yes if they do have a calm conversation maybe things will workout better, but I seriously wouldn't want to deal with the crap that happened and like she said she just asks simple questions calmly and he gives her crap.
She is obviously at number 4 and can't deal with it. :\
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flutterhigh
11 years ago
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I am completely opposed to jumping to conclusions and voting to immediately end a seven year parental relationship based on one secondhand anecdote. We don't know either of these people. I'm not trying to be cynical, but we can't throw out the possibility that it was mis-phrased, misinterpreted, or even exaggerated. She didn't explain what she meant by "abusive" (I'd imagine that if he's violent, THAT would presumably be the focus of this story), so I told her what to do in the event of two different types of abuse (physical and emotional).
Think of it this way. If the relationship is truly violent and tumultuous, taking your advice would have the same result as my advice, right? Either way she would leave. But if the relationship is salvageable and not violent, then your advice leads to unnecessarily dissolving the parental figures of two girls, while mine makes an attempt to save it. Basically we said the same thing, except I didn't assume the relationship was unfixable, so I offered advice on what to do if it is fixable.
I'm not trying to attack you, I just think it's important to be levelheaded in any situation instead of potentially being impulsive with other people's lives.
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Saycheese
11 years ago
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I think she just needs to get away from him a little while and then see where it goes.
Yes I don't think it would be right to take two daughters away from the father either, not one bit unless he is violent toward them too. And thats not what I was saying either. I was saying she needs to get a away from the bullcrap but at the same time I know I was misleading from what I had said. :)
But yes since he is the father he has a right to see his daughters. But in the relationship I don't see much happening.