Is it normal to rage

54% Normal
8 Comments

I get mad sometimes and can't stop yelling and throwing things. It usually happens when I start nagging at the husband for being such a loser and he says something really dumb as an answer. He's been out of work for 5 weeks he's a disorganized slob,he leaves various items, tools and clothes all over the place and he will never pick up or clean anything at home unless I point it out to him. He also will only look for jobs if I throw a fit about why he's not looking for work. This morning I started ranting and he called me a b**ch in front of our kids and his answers were things like blah blah blah and told me if I didn't want him cussing at me all I had to do was shut up. This sent me into a huge fit of rage and I had no self control over what I was doing or saying for at least an hour. Finally I took a shower and laid down for 5 hours not really sleeping more like wishing I wasn't alive and trying to avoid being in the same room as him so it wouldn't happen again. I feel like I'm still a full times housewife plus I work about 30 hours a week at a low paying job that I hate. I want to leave him but it's not really an option unless I give up my kids because I need him to watch them while I'm at work and we only have one car in his name. Is it normal for me to react so strongly?

Voting Results
54% Normal
Based on 50 votes (27 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • the_blues_is_dying
    12 years ago

    i wish i could, becouse now im stuck with all my saddness, and cant just let it out.

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  • dontH8love
    14 years ago

    its normal to feel emotional in your situation, but i dont think you or your husband are reacting appropriately or in a mature way about it. you are adults with kids you need to house, feed, and be an example to. show your kids that yelling and fighting is not the answer to any problem. you should try talking calmly to your husband if you want him to really hear you. maybe sit him down when the kids have already gone to bed. tell him how you feel and your ideas can fix the problem. nobody likes to be yelled at or told what to do especially a grown man because im sure he wants the best for his family no matter how lazy he seems. but hard work and dedication will get you where you want to be. keep calm, try to have a positive attitude and keep a smile in front of the kids. im sorry youre going through this. a lot of people are. and there are a lot of people with much worse cases. like sickness, homeless, foodless. be thankful for what you have and dont take it for granted. it could all be taken away in a heartbeat.

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  • WAFFLESQUID
    14 years ago

    I don't think that's normal. He obviously doesn't care about you. Save money where he can't find, get a bank account and start saving so you can get out. Don't listen to WayOutThere, he's wrong. It's not only your fault. I admit you should control your anger a bit more, but your husband should be less of a selfish pig. If you want to fix this, go to marriage counseling, but in my opinion it sounds like this marriage is doomed. You have to work with him in this if you want it fixed. Talk about what you dislike him doing saying 'I feel this... when you do this..'. If that doesn't work, then leave him, leave him ASAP.

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  • stone_love
    14 years ago

    Ok here's my advice. I don't blame you for being so frustrated about this. It sounds like he has a lot of issues. But you can't make him a better person. It would be stressful and probably useless to try. All you can do is try and cope with it as best you can. Since you're stuck with him for now, best thing to do is try and make things as peaceful as possible, even if you feel like you hate him. If I were you I'd just try and manipulate his reactions as much as possible by controlling my own behaviour. And then as soon as your life gives you a chance, get the hell out of there with your kids. I hope that you'll get the chance to do that .. it's hard being at a job you hate and having to come home to a life you hate. Just work hard towards what you want, make goals and don't give up on life.

    Another idea is you might feel better if there's some sort of hobby that you can engage in, something you love that's totally separate from these problems. Like going for walks or reading a book. Maybe there's something like that that you can do to release some tension.

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  • honeybuns
    14 years ago

    and who would give ups their own kids and consider it an inconvenience. You're a dumb advice giver Wayoutthere.

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  • WayOutThere
    14 years ago

    Hmm...

    "It usually happens when I start NAGGING..."
    "If I throw a FIT..."
    "This morning I started RANTING..."

    Could it be--just maybe--that YOU have been the source of some of the friction in this relationship?

    I am guessing here, but I would suspect that this is NOT how you behaved when you first met him. You have changed. And, he's probably not very happy with this change, with all the nagging, ranting, and fits going on, day in and day out. Something like that would drive ME crazy--that is if I put up with it. But, I wouldn't tolerate such behavior, in the first place.

    I don't know what the solution is. You say you want to leave him, but you're sticking around just for the convenience. Is that fair to him?

    You seem very troubled and frustrated, right now. No, going into an uncontrollable rage is NOT normal. You need help.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      14 years ago

      HMMM..NO! Bad Answer! You select a few phrases of mine despite all the details to make me look the wrong one. Your advice is retardulous. Who in their right mind would support a grown person with no initiation of their own without complaint? Would you let a grown person live with you and make you clean up up them and then call you a b**ch in front of your kids for bringing it up? I don't stick around for convenience, I stick around for necessity. The only other option I have is a taking my kids to a woman's shelter for battered woman. Having a husband with no morals is what is not normal and you must be even more of an A-S-S-H-O-L-E than he is because he will at least admit he's wrong while you seem to think what he does is cool and I should let a husband and father act this way without getting upset. F-U

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      • WayOutThere
        14 years ago

        Positive change requires recognition and acceptance of that which is wrong. If you do nothing but blame others for your own problems, you will never be able to solve them.

        It can be hard to see your own faults, especially when you've been living with them for a long time. But, they are glaringly obvious to an outside observer. Granted, I carefully picked certain phrases from your description; but I picked them because I saw a pattern. There is an underlying reason why that pattern is there. Your reply only re-affirms this.

        I don't know you, so I have no reason to pick a fight. But, if your husband is as bad as you say he is, that only reflects badly upon you for staying with him for so long. In such case, you should leave him. All this parental friction is going to harm your kids.

        Figure out how to live on your own, with your kids. Get someone else to take care of your kids. Go to the women's shelter, if you have to. I don't believe you are sticking around out of "necessity"--there are always options, no matter how bad things get.

        But, above all else, get help. Get professional help.

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