IIN to punish yourself by not eating

OK I'm not sure if it's anorexia. But I can relate, what I do is I check my BMI and make sure I'm not doing it to the point I'm underweight. I also let myself spend extra money on food, so im never making the excuse to myself that I'm not eating to save money. I also try eating extra to prove to myself it has nothing to do with my body. For me I feel like I'm not very good at doing well, and that's why I develop habits I can control like not eating or staying up super late, or not showering. It's super irrational but does serve an emotional need. But it's important to remember that while it can feel empowering to not eat, taking care of ourselves regularly for us is the more challenging path and also the one that will lead us to be the best we can towards others. If we focus on today, we can be better to others if we are eating regularly, even if we don't feel we deserve to eat it actually is more selfish to not eat than it is to love ourselves like we're worth it so we can then bring the love to others but I'm sure you'll figure out a way