Erotic asphyxiation or erotic hypoxia is both dangerous and addictive. You will as a rule experience orgasms that feel more intense or body draining but then you or he may progress towards more risky asphyxiation play in your sex.
You are basically practicing a form of sex play that is the equivalent of running across the railroad tracks in front of an oncoming train. Someday you can lose your footing. Knowingly practicing a form of sex play where one reasonable possibility of an outcome is death, is not normal. Death resulting from erotic asphyxiation or erotic hypoxia is most often accidental but then, you and not he are the one at risk.
Another insidious aspect to this, is that your boyfriend is basically fucking up your pleasure paradigm, in as much as normal sex, with other men in the future; will not provide you with the gratification your life-threatening sex play as engendered. In this aspect it is very controlling behavior on his part; since you will need HIM to make you feel what you want to feel.
This is one of the best posts I've ever seen here - no, I'll correct that, it's THE best. I wish I'd written it myself. Factual, non-judgmental and well-informed: I hope OP takes notice of it before it's too late.
You are very knowledgeable on this issue: can you explain why edgy sex is so addictive? BDSM for example? I realise it's because the orgasms are more intense but why are they? Does the pain, immobilisation, feigned danger focus the attention? That's one of my own theories.
The pleasure paradigm reference is very interesting to me, because I've noticed that internet porn has become increasingly violent against women over the last few years and I'm concerned that people getting off on it and then putting it into practice don't realise how addictive it is and that the non-consensual acts they're aroused by are performed by actors and are dangerous and abusive in real life.
I'd be interested in other people's thoughts on this and thanks again for yours
Thank you for your kudos, I really don't think I can provide an adequate answer to the question of sexual addiction/compulsion; but here goes... To begin with sex and the resulting rewards of orgasm are a hormonal compulsion (lust). Everyone who partakes of sex has an internal dialogue (desire); where each of use assumes a role, wherein we ultimately derive some form of sexualized pleasure.
What represents edgy sex is utterly relative. Mr. & Mrs. Missionary Position, after a great deal of scintillating discussion finally plan & decide to have sex in the, oh so risqué, living room. Now, maybe they are exhibitionist in the making or maybe they discover they like having sex in different places or maybe Mrs. is an exhibitionist and Mr. likes doing it indifferent places (it makes him feel like a hound dog). Together they satisfy and nurture each others desire (closeted or not). Hooray! Sex has gone from lukewarm congealing oatmeal to a buffet.
Our boundaries shift over time and eventually our paradigm has changed. Living room sex is the new mundane & lust is left wanting. Repetition results in extinguishment of desire. By adulthood, repeated extinguishment of our internal dialogues results in our taking command of our orgasms. We purposefully go shopping for discerning sexual intrigue. Sexual genres are our shopping malls of both fantasy & practice.
I think there needs to be a yin/yang relationship between our physiological journey to orgasm and our desire. If you consider spanking to be pleasurable, then it must be done with some recognition that the site of excitation can become numb and then only a more profound degree of physical excitement will finish that journey. Our physical senses are extinguished far more rapidly than our desire dialogue (fantasies) and our rebooting of the dialogue to our disinterested body becomes a self inflicted flagellation of our body, all for the sake of an equal or better orgasm.
Regarding the depiction of rape & strangulation that has entered into porn, I don't care whether someone derives pleasure from viewing it or not. It surpasses any form of human decency and I do not believe it should be entitled to the same free speech protections as the majority of other forms of adult sex entertainment.
Thank you for your thoughts, it's taken me a few days to take all that in and analyse it.
I see what you mean about "edgy" sex being utterly relative. It's clear to me that when we chase more "edginess" in itself, with no emotional, spiritual or affectional connection, ultimately it's unsatisfying and no longer edgy and so has to become more and more extreme to give any satisfaction - in other words, it becomes addiction.
I have noticed this in myself: when I first encountered depictions of anal sex on the net I was amazed and aroused, now it's commonplace.
I'm philosophically opposed to censorship but very concerned about the long term effects of so much porn depicting women supposedly enjoying being brutalised and subjected to practices which are dangerous and even life-threatening. As with your spanking analogy, I feel there's an emotional and ethical desensitisation involved which must inevitably lead to some individuals acting out these practices in real life when their response to internet porn wanes.
In the BDSM community there's a saying that fantasies are hungrier than bodies: if everyone watching brutal porn realised that and stayed in fantasy land women would be much safer in the real world.
IIN to plug your nose when breathing during sex?
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Erotic asphyxiation or erotic hypoxia is both dangerous and addictive. You will as a rule experience orgasms that feel more intense or body draining but then you or he may progress towards more risky asphyxiation play in your sex.
You are basically practicing a form of sex play that is the equivalent of running across the railroad tracks in front of an oncoming train. Someday you can lose your footing. Knowingly practicing a form of sex play where one reasonable possibility of an outcome is death, is not normal. Death resulting from erotic asphyxiation or erotic hypoxia is most often accidental but then, you and not he are the one at risk.
Another insidious aspect to this, is that your boyfriend is basically fucking up your pleasure paradigm, in as much as normal sex, with other men in the future; will not provide you with the gratification your life-threatening sex play as engendered. In this aspect it is very controlling behavior on his part; since you will need HIM to make you feel what you want to feel.
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Ellenna
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flailyhailey
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This is one of the best posts I've ever seen here - no, I'll correct that, it's THE best. I wish I'd written it myself. Factual, non-judgmental and well-informed: I hope OP takes notice of it before it's too late.
You are very knowledgeable on this issue: can you explain why edgy sex is so addictive? BDSM for example? I realise it's because the orgasms are more intense but why are they? Does the pain, immobilisation, feigned danger focus the attention? That's one of my own theories.
The pleasure paradigm reference is very interesting to me, because I've noticed that internet porn has become increasingly violent against women over the last few years and I'm concerned that people getting off on it and then putting it into practice don't realise how addictive it is and that the non-consensual acts they're aroused by are performed by actors and are dangerous and abusive in real life.
I'd be interested in other people's thoughts on this and thanks again for yours
--
missy911
8 years ago
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Thank you for your kudos, I really don't think I can provide an adequate answer to the question of sexual addiction/compulsion; but here goes... To begin with sex and the resulting rewards of orgasm are a hormonal compulsion (lust). Everyone who partakes of sex has an internal dialogue (desire); where each of use assumes a role, wherein we ultimately derive some form of sexualized pleasure.
What represents edgy sex is utterly relative. Mr. & Mrs. Missionary Position, after a great deal of scintillating discussion finally plan & decide to have sex in the, oh so risqué, living room. Now, maybe they are exhibitionist in the making or maybe they discover they like having sex in different places or maybe Mrs. is an exhibitionist and Mr. likes doing it indifferent places (it makes him feel like a hound dog). Together they satisfy and nurture each others desire (closeted or not). Hooray! Sex has gone from lukewarm congealing oatmeal to a buffet.
Our boundaries shift over time and eventually our paradigm has changed. Living room sex is the new mundane & lust is left wanting. Repetition results in extinguishment of desire. By adulthood, repeated extinguishment of our internal dialogues results in our taking command of our orgasms. We purposefully go shopping for discerning sexual intrigue. Sexual genres are our shopping malls of both fantasy & practice.
I think there needs to be a yin/yang relationship between our physiological journey to orgasm and our desire. If you consider spanking to be pleasurable, then it must be done with some recognition that the site of excitation can become numb and then only a more profound degree of physical excitement will finish that journey. Our physical senses are extinguished far more rapidly than our desire dialogue (fantasies) and our rebooting of the dialogue to our disinterested body becomes a self inflicted flagellation of our body, all for the sake of an equal or better orgasm.
Regarding the depiction of rape & strangulation that has entered into porn, I don't care whether someone derives pleasure from viewing it or not. It surpasses any form of human decency and I do not believe it should be entitled to the same free speech protections as the majority of other forms of adult sex entertainment.
--
Ellenna
8 years ago
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Thank you for your thoughts, it's taken me a few days to take all that in and analyse it.
I see what you mean about "edgy" sex being utterly relative. It's clear to me that when we chase more "edginess" in itself, with no emotional, spiritual or affectional connection, ultimately it's unsatisfying and no longer edgy and so has to become more and more extreme to give any satisfaction - in other words, it becomes addiction.
I have noticed this in myself: when I first encountered depictions of anal sex on the net I was amazed and aroused, now it's commonplace.
I'm philosophically opposed to censorship but very concerned about the long term effects of so much porn depicting women supposedly enjoying being brutalised and subjected to practices which are dangerous and even life-threatening. As with your spanking analogy, I feel there's an emotional and ethical desensitisation involved which must inevitably lead to some individuals acting out these practices in real life when their response to internet porn wanes.
In the BDSM community there's a saying that fantasies are hungrier than bodies: if everyone watching brutal porn realised that and stayed in fantasy land women would be much safer in the real world.
Wow. As someone who enjoys breathplay, this was interesting insight.