Yeah, it's actually great you put thought into this.
Although i feel obliged to ask...are your "undesirable genetic traits" actually medical reasons(that is inheritable genetic defects), or merely of subjective nature(looks, stature...)? The way you write it suggests the first, but i just want to rule out option 2...
As for adopting, i suppose if your partner is fine with that?
If i may suggest an alternative, though: How about artificial insemination? You may find a donor that at least has similar characteristics to you, but thats not the main reason:
First, your partner may want to have "her own" child if she does not have genetic problems.
And secondly, you would be "with" the child right from when its existance begins, experience the pregnancy, birth...
Don't get me wrong, adoption is GREAT and there's many children that NEED a foster home, but in a decision like this, you have to make sure its also the way your partner wants to handle it. I know if i was her, i would feel proud for the way you think, but at the same time be selfish enough that i want to have "my own" children as well. Call it a biological instinct, but thats how it is :)
Thanks for that well thought out comment, and I'll try my best to answer your questions.
First, the genetic traits I mentioned are a combination of both medical and appearance.
My mothers side of the family has a history of horrible eye sight and heart disease. My father's side has a kidney disease that can only be treated through replacement and even then, it can come back. It usually leads to death within a year of becoming active. I'm the only male who hasn't had it, but the genes are still there. There is nothing stopping future kids from having it. As for appearance, being 5'3" and bald by my mid-teens leads to a rough childhood. If I can prevent that from happening to someone else, I will.
The reason for me posting this question was a situation that happened to me a few weeks ago that caused me to start thinking. An ex of mine contacted me a few months after we broke up to let me know she was pregnant. It wasn't mine, but if things were only slightly different, it could have been mine. That close call just got me to start thinking about a lot of things and this was one of them.
I'm still single after that most recent relationship, but I just wanted to know if was normal to have thoughts like that. I would be open to those alternatives, but in the end, a decision like this will be made from a long conversation between my future spouse and myself rather than an internet poll. No offense, but thank you for the advice..
ah, perfectly understandable then.
I just wanted to eliminate the option that you merely have minor cosmetic shortcomings and consider that a serious fault.
Not that i truly expected it, but i kind of lost most of my faith in mankind...and you just know there's people out there that would consider something like this in all seriousness for issues and reasons that are miniscule.
Glad to hear(or more accurately, not glad to hear) that it's an actual understandable reasoning behind your thoughts.
As for alternatives, i never wanted any more than mention it, i would rather feel i had wasted my time on someone if you were to base a decision on this poll instead of talks with a future partner ^_^
But as you know, she may also have a say in it, and if you are already opening up to such ideas, you may as well open up to the whole spectrum of possibilities, so you can be fine with whatever feels best for her. As said, if it was me, i would probably be so selfish as to want to have an actual baby that is mine. _I_ would also understand your reasonings and agree...but you should keep in mind not everyone may...others may want to take their chances with your genes.
If you are absolutely serious about this, you may as well "settle" things _IF_ you make up your mind...a vasectomy would technically be reversible if you later change your mind, and you could simply tell the girl that you are infertile(not a lie...you just omit(or not) the reason) and thus make it easier for her to accept that your future children will not be by you(but rather by a donor or adoption).
Is it normal to only want to adopt instead of having your own child?
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Yeah, it's actually great you put thought into this.
Although i feel obliged to ask...are your "undesirable genetic traits" actually medical reasons(that is inheritable genetic defects), or merely of subjective nature(looks, stature...)? The way you write it suggests the first, but i just want to rule out option 2...
As for adopting, i suppose if your partner is fine with that?
If i may suggest an alternative, though: How about artificial insemination? You may find a donor that at least has similar characteristics to you, but thats not the main reason:
First, your partner may want to have "her own" child if she does not have genetic problems.
And secondly, you would be "with" the child right from when its existance begins, experience the pregnancy, birth...
Don't get me wrong, adoption is GREAT and there's many children that NEED a foster home, but in a decision like this, you have to make sure its also the way your partner wants to handle it. I know if i was her, i would feel proud for the way you think, but at the same time be selfish enough that i want to have "my own" children as well. Call it a biological instinct, but thats how it is :)
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Baldy317
11 years ago
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Thanks for that well thought out comment, and I'll try my best to answer your questions.
First, the genetic traits I mentioned are a combination of both medical and appearance.
My mothers side of the family has a history of horrible eye sight and heart disease. My father's side has a kidney disease that can only be treated through replacement and even then, it can come back. It usually leads to death within a year of becoming active. I'm the only male who hasn't had it, but the genes are still there. There is nothing stopping future kids from having it. As for appearance, being 5'3" and bald by my mid-teens leads to a rough childhood. If I can prevent that from happening to someone else, I will.
The reason for me posting this question was a situation that happened to me a few weeks ago that caused me to start thinking. An ex of mine contacted me a few months after we broke up to let me know she was pregnant. It wasn't mine, but if things were only slightly different, it could have been mine. That close call just got me to start thinking about a lot of things and this was one of them.
I'm still single after that most recent relationship, but I just wanted to know if was normal to have thoughts like that. I would be open to those alternatives, but in the end, a decision like this will be made from a long conversation between my future spouse and myself rather than an internet poll. No offense, but thank you for the advice..
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TerryVie
11 years ago
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ah, perfectly understandable then.
I just wanted to eliminate the option that you merely have minor cosmetic shortcomings and consider that a serious fault.
Not that i truly expected it, but i kind of lost most of my faith in mankind...and you just know there's people out there that would consider something like this in all seriousness for issues and reasons that are miniscule.
Glad to hear(or more accurately, not glad to hear) that it's an actual understandable reasoning behind your thoughts.
As for alternatives, i never wanted any more than mention it, i would rather feel i had wasted my time on someone if you were to base a decision on this poll instead of talks with a future partner ^_^
But as you know, she may also have a say in it, and if you are already opening up to such ideas, you may as well open up to the whole spectrum of possibilities, so you can be fine with whatever feels best for her. As said, if it was me, i would probably be so selfish as to want to have an actual baby that is mine. _I_ would also understand your reasonings and agree...but you should keep in mind not everyone may...others may want to take their chances with your genes.
If you are absolutely serious about this, you may as well "settle" things _IF_ you make up your mind...a vasectomy would technically be reversible if you later change your mind, and you could simply tell the girl that you are infertile(not a lie...you just omit(or not) the reason) and thus make it easier for her to accept that your future children will not be by you(but rather by a donor or adoption).