Is it normal to only see the grey and the dark clouds?

This is vote-free. With all that pseudorelationship with my parents, and the lack of light in my close encounters with folks. I learned to stay in one room all day woeful and wounded, which makes my hair grey. The trouble I'm often in is dull, and grey, and the result of a grim, grave reality that people are making rules against me, well fuck that, I can't make reality, I can't change it, this is the way it is, treated as if I was as bad as that weirdo in high school. People will keep whinging and throwing rules at me, attacking on me, attacking on my right to liberty, attacking on my own house, attacking on my rebellion, it hurts and I'm embarrassed! The truth is shameful, it's embarrassing, it never lets you see the light of day, the sun looks grey and miserable, everything feels cold, it's in fact extremely difficult, and so difficult that it's easy to scream. It's scary, and I'm stuck in this reality, like I was all my life, there's no such thing as a good life, it's grey and filled with dark clouds, under the covers I'm embarrassed and will never get out of bed, I'd rather shake hands with Mrs Palmer than get out of bed, and I despise people, and throw my vengeance upon them. It's painful and that's what the 'Either' in 'Either/Or' is for, for I took up that Christian stuff, with no honour, no light, and no soul, for I exist and this is the price of my existence, it's wrong to not be free. My set of morals is rebellion, not being dangerous and destructive & encouraging of harmful behaviour, the enlightenment of solipsism, philosophy of pain, banishing misery and suffering from my side, to let my heart be quit of all evil over my countenance, not let evil sleep afflict my heart, and to smile, and illegalism, evil magick, the faithfulness, courage, and veracity of the German, this is my morality, also to not be perfectly evil and to do no harm, which is also my morality, yet woe is me, over 18 getting this crap of being told what to do and being told off. Fuck that, I'm a hardcore Kierkegaardian, I'm supposed to be sad of these things, for I despise these people and throw my vengeance upon them, is that normal?