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I would never commit suicide, but a lot of the time I have suicidal thoughts. Everything in my life is meaningless. I have a bad relationship with my parents and my friends don't truly understand me. It seems like the only time I'm ever happy is on drugs.
It sounds like you have a drug problem. Even if you're not addicted to drugs, you might have a chemical imbalance in the brain. You might be seriously depleting your dopamine and/or serotonin levels. With less dopamine in the brain, you feel far less happy than you would be. Activities that would normally be fun and exiting, seem kind of dull now for you. Dopamine is precious! It's the chemical that makes you happy. Once it's gone, everything goes wrong. Talk to a neurologist or your doctor. Get your brain chemicals checked. Consider taking an L-Dopa supplement to replace the depleted dopamine. Lay off the drugs man. Don't do them(or at least don't do them all the time). A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Also, alcohol is the worst of virtually all the drugs. Seriously though, consider taking the L-Dopa supplement. Also, get a hobby. Hobbies are a great, safe, relaxing way to have fun.
Something needs to change. Only you can figure out what that something might be.
Have you ever considered the possibility that the drugs you are using might ultimately be causing the unhappiness you are feeling? You might not think so at first, but you should really put some thought into that. I have never known many people who do a lot of drugs (especially hardcore ones) that are happy in life. Sure, they make you feel good in the short term, but in the long run, they are probably only making things worse.
I used to smoke weed often, and after being off of it for a while, I realized that it was making me depressed. I am not saying that weed does or will affect you this way, but for me I think it did. It also dulled my wits a bit and hindered my ability to properly learn certain things there for a while back in high school when I was smoking it all the time... Again though, your results may vary. I am still not happy, but I am doing better in my life. I am on the right track.
Ooh, smoking in high school can be especially bad. From some of the studies I've read it causes more problems, especially in areas of memory and motivation for people to smoke weed regularly before their bodies are fully developed.
One of my buddies certainly seems to be an example of that, then again individual reactions to substances fall upon a very broad spectrum. For some people cannabis is a miracle. Some people should not smoke it ever.
If *I* were having this problem (you may not like this advice), I would find a substance abuse support group, and/or a psychiatrist:) Even if you're using illegal drugs, you can still tell your dr (it's confidential).
I agree with the other advice, that even though it probably doesn't seem like it, chances are the drugs are actually dragging you down. You will actually start feeling better and more alive once you are sober:)