Ok, speaking from the other side. It does seem to be normal. I've had way too many friends end up attracted to me. I am odd and I do have my issues, they usually fall for me because I'm different, I see things differently, I experience things differently, I challenge their opinions and dare them to have open minds to see the world through another set of eyes.
I guess they fall for me because of the way i treat them. everyone has issues, some can be simple/easy to deal with while others can be devastating and just too complicated to handle. When I spend time with someone, I listen to them, I try to see them... not for what I want them to be but for what they are and maybe what they someday hope to be. In life we never know if someone is being heard or ignored by the rest of the world so if they feel I can see them and hear them and not let them feel neglected by me then I am the friend I want to be.
I'm not an easy friend to get along with by far, but I am a friend for life.
My advice to you from a really "issuated me" is only do it if you don't lose yourself in the process. If you believe it will make you a better person in the end, more understanding but never let their issues become your own. Most of all set boundaries for yourself so you don't get hurt. Giving 100% of yourself constantly and always getting disappointed in the end is a great way to develop issues yourself and lose trust in others. Know your limits and how far you should go to help someone else before you end up sacrificing yourself for another.
wow!! I have to say that this is by far the best advice I've received! Thanks heaps :) You couldn't be any more spot on. This does sound familiar as I have heard some of this before just haven't taken it to heart. I do give my self 100% and find it hard at times with "certain" people to become detached and not take their problems on board as if they are my own (feelings of not good enough, and trust issues ect)I do need to work on this. I have to be honest though...if I tried helping someone that I didn't exactly care for, then that would be much easier because then I wouldn't take things "personally". Then again I prob would not have the desire or urge to help them with whatever the problem/situation. Do you know what I mean..? It certainly is a tough one.
Yeah, I know what you mean. If it's someone you're not exactly fond of, your tolerance levels aren't as high as with a loved one. It would be easier to give up.
You sound like you are full of empathy for people so being and remaining detached won't come easy. But the moment their problems become your own, it will become the blind trying to lead the blind.
If you don't feel you're good enough anymore, then how can you possibly help another to think they are good enough when they feel otherwise themselves.
I must say that this is another spot on point and that I agree 110%!! I will try to remain detached and if I find myself starting to feel bad and develop feelings of worthlessness then I will stop, have a break and try again ( if I find someone worth that much effort) Thank you so much, this is really helpful :) take care x
is it normal to only be attracted to people that have issues?
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Ok, speaking from the other side. It does seem to be normal. I've had way too many friends end up attracted to me. I am odd and I do have my issues, they usually fall for me because I'm different, I see things differently, I experience things differently, I challenge their opinions and dare them to have open minds to see the world through another set of eyes.
I guess they fall for me because of the way i treat them. everyone has issues, some can be simple/easy to deal with while others can be devastating and just too complicated to handle. When I spend time with someone, I listen to them, I try to see them... not for what I want them to be but for what they are and maybe what they someday hope to be. In life we never know if someone is being heard or ignored by the rest of the world so if they feel I can see them and hear them and not let them feel neglected by me then I am the friend I want to be.
I'm not an easy friend to get along with by far, but I am a friend for life.
My advice to you from a really "issuated me" is only do it if you don't lose yourself in the process. If you believe it will make you a better person in the end, more understanding but never let their issues become your own. Most of all set boundaries for yourself so you don't get hurt. Giving 100% of yourself constantly and always getting disappointed in the end is a great way to develop issues yourself and lose trust in others. Know your limits and how far you should go to help someone else before you end up sacrificing yourself for another.
ruinedx
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wow!! I have to say that this is by far the best advice I've received! Thanks heaps :) You couldn't be any more spot on. This does sound familiar as I have heard some of this before just haven't taken it to heart. I do give my self 100% and find it hard at times with "certain" people to become detached and not take their problems on board as if they are my own (feelings of not good enough, and trust issues ect)I do need to work on this. I have to be honest though...if I tried helping someone that I didn't exactly care for, then that would be much easier because then I wouldn't take things "personally". Then again I prob would not have the desire or urge to help them with whatever the problem/situation. Do you know what I mean..? It certainly is a tough one.
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ruined
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Yeah, I know what you mean. If it's someone you're not exactly fond of, your tolerance levels aren't as high as with a loved one. It would be easier to give up.
You sound like you are full of empathy for people so being and remaining detached won't come easy. But the moment their problems become your own, it will become the blind trying to lead the blind.
If you don't feel you're good enough anymore, then how can you possibly help another to think they are good enough when they feel otherwise themselves.
Don't lose you in them and you will be ok. :)
ruinedx
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I must say that this is another spot on point and that I agree 110%!! I will try to remain detached and if I find myself starting to feel bad and develop feelings of worthlessness then I will stop, have a break and try again ( if I find someone worth that much effort) Thank you so much, this is really helpful :) take care x