If a guy won't commit - you know what he wants. Plain and simple. Many people just want convenience. He and you seem to be clashing about what you guys want. I'm sure there are other factors at play, but that seems to be the obstacle.
I'd say move on. The only time my boyfriend (of 4 years) doesn't text me is when he is alseep. NOBODY is too busy to check their phone/ text their SO.
Mind you he seems like he just wants regular casual sex - so forget that. He's likely lost interest and found something more convenient. I'd say go do the same - if he cares and wants you, he will make it known. People who care about each other don't run away the second there is an issue.
He's explained himself and said not to worry cause I have nothing to worry about. He just didn't think to text me but what's annoying is its more than one day. But he's tried to cheer me up and put a smile on my face so Idk if that means he cares and not letting go easily. But of course I don't want to just cheer I want him to understand where I'm coming from clearly then we can move on but it seems like he thinks he hasn't done anythig wrong
I've been unofficial with a guy for about three months, been seeing him for four but the first month shouldn't really count tbh. The thought of being unofficial for a YEAR sounds horrible. I told him that I could agree to getting to know one another better until about January but after that he better be ready and willing to commit- If not I move on.
(There's reasons why he want to take things slow, reasons I accept and understand)
You have to be crystal clear with him about what you want and what you need, if you guys are with one another and only with one another why not commit?
Me and "my" guy acts like a couple but I think the whole "official" thing scares him, but seeing how he cuddles and kisses me in public I'm nearly 100% fine with the situation as it is, but I did told him that my mind could switch at any moment and that he better be prepared for it.
This said, a lot of guys wont commit if they are getting sex and closeness by a female without having to make her his girlfriend.
It's sadly normal for two people to have different needs and whilst you would want to text frequently through the day he seems to not have the same opinion.
One thing you gotta ask yourself is: Why not commit? You are obviously committed with your heart anyway and that, to me, is what would scare someone the most about a relationship.
The fourth statement you said is something I recently realized and made me really sad. Why would he make the extra effort to be with me officially if he is getting everything he wants already? Once I realized this, I told myself the next time I'm with him in person I'm going to tell him no more sex since I now do feel uncomfortable letting someone you really like just have me like that, it hurts. But to be perfectly honest, being in a relationship for me is just more effort and commitment and restrictions which all equals more stress. With that being said, it's not like I'm waiting for him to make me his gf because I don't want a real relationship yet either. So it's mutual but I think like u said, my heart is committed and I think it's more committed than his. His last gf was for a few years so he also takes them seriously. For him, I think making me his gf means introducing me to his family, making me his priority when he def doesn't have the time for that right now. So if we were together official, these factors would impact us even stronger and cause us to break up and more stress. When being less serious, ya we can walk away easily but it won't hurt as much.
What are the reasons your guy doesn't make things official that you accept? If u don't mind sharing.
In the past he went official far too soon, and things ended poorly. he's sick of giving his everything and ending up with nothing. And he have been dating unfaithful whores as well.
So I get his point, he wants to get to know me properly and about two weeks ago he actually did told me that he would be willing to make me his BUT he wants to make sure that he can handle my sex-addiction. (I'm not unfaithful or anything, just needy)
So after three rough weekends we seem to have sorted everything out and worked out a perfect compromise.
(QUote) "Dont want to be with you just to have you dump me because you aren't getting enough sex"
He also said that he fears i'm only in it for the sex, whilst I have been holding back on the romance a bit just because i didnt wan't to scare him off so xD But as said, we are getting there and I'm just waiting in line to go see a therapist for my behaviour as well.
I think it's a good call for you to hold back on the sex, at least you will know if he's with you for that or if he wants more out of you.
I seriously think that if two people love one another and have been dating for a year, get committed even though the time might not be ideal, it might save you both some stress and you would KNOW that he wants you. You can be in a less tight and committed relationship too, just sit down and set the boundaries and rules.
IF he doesn't know if he wants you after a year he probably never will either ... :/
Heck, I'm thinking I've been dating my guy for too long xD
That's funny, I also have this affection/sex addiction. I don't think is serious but all I wanna do with him is cuddle and be affectionate. He has said no to sex before when I wanted to so I don't want him to think that thats all I want is sex and it also shows that he also won't just say yes to every offer so maybe it is more than sex. But that being said, it would be hard for me to tell him "no sex" because thats mostly what I wanna do with him but for my own respect, I should def let him know that its come down to that.
Well in the beginning all we did was party and have sex, thats how we met, through a party. Then we eventually got closer and started doing couple things like go out to eat and stay in and watch movies rather than partying. But that's it, that was all year so there wasn't any progress throughout the year. The year feels almost like it was only 3 months. So what I'm trying to say is yea it might seem suspicious if it has been that long and we haven't committed but we haven't done anything big all year that would make it seem like we're making progress. I think the next "big" step was him visiting me since we're long distance and yes meeting my family. But I havent met his but they know about me.
But yes I think it would feel so good to sit down and set the boundaries even if we're not official. One of the things I am lagging to tell him is idc if we're not together together, I don't want to share you with anybody else. So if he wants to be free to see/talk to others then he has to let me go. Although, girls aren't too big on his priority list, he can care less about goin out and meeting some, just in case I want to tell him that. His main priority is work.
My main issue isn't the sex, it´s how I react when I get denied (Sad and angry) But now that he said: "I do love sex but I sorta want to focus more on cuddling and getting to know you" that's when I understood I shouldn't really be that upset about when he rather cuddles me than fuck me- It's a good sign.
I'm just saying that there's a great risk of you getting hurt if you let this proceed the way it is now, just as I am taking a risk of getting hurt by staying unofficial when ve been feeling like his GF for at least two months as it is.
IIN to not want to talk to your partner for a few days?
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If a guy won't commit - you know what he wants. Plain and simple. Many people just want convenience. He and you seem to be clashing about what you guys want. I'm sure there are other factors at play, but that seems to be the obstacle.
I'd say move on. The only time my boyfriend (of 4 years) doesn't text me is when he is alseep. NOBODY is too busy to check their phone/ text their SO.
Mind you he seems like he just wants regular casual sex - so forget that. He's likely lost interest and found something more convenient. I'd say go do the same - if he cares and wants you, he will make it known. People who care about each other don't run away the second there is an issue.
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He's explained himself and said not to worry cause I have nothing to worry about. He just didn't think to text me but what's annoying is its more than one day. But he's tried to cheer me up and put a smile on my face so Idk if that means he cares and not letting go easily. But of course I don't want to just cheer I want him to understand where I'm coming from clearly then we can move on but it seems like he thinks he hasn't done anythig wrong
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I've been unofficial with a guy for about three months, been seeing him for four but the first month shouldn't really count tbh. The thought of being unofficial for a YEAR sounds horrible. I told him that I could agree to getting to know one another better until about January but after that he better be ready and willing to commit- If not I move on.
(There's reasons why he want to take things slow, reasons I accept and understand)
You have to be crystal clear with him about what you want and what you need, if you guys are with one another and only with one another why not commit?
Me and "my" guy acts like a couple but I think the whole "official" thing scares him, but seeing how he cuddles and kisses me in public I'm nearly 100% fine with the situation as it is, but I did told him that my mind could switch at any moment and that he better be prepared for it.
This said, a lot of guys wont commit if they are getting sex and closeness by a female without having to make her his girlfriend.
It's sadly normal for two people to have different needs and whilst you would want to text frequently through the day he seems to not have the same opinion.
One thing you gotta ask yourself is: Why not commit? You are obviously committed with your heart anyway and that, to me, is what would scare someone the most about a relationship.
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The fourth statement you said is something I recently realized and made me really sad. Why would he make the extra effort to be with me officially if he is getting everything he wants already? Once I realized this, I told myself the next time I'm with him in person I'm going to tell him no more sex since I now do feel uncomfortable letting someone you really like just have me like that, it hurts. But to be perfectly honest, being in a relationship for me is just more effort and commitment and restrictions which all equals more stress. With that being said, it's not like I'm waiting for him to make me his gf because I don't want a real relationship yet either. So it's mutual but I think like u said, my heart is committed and I think it's more committed than his. His last gf was for a few years so he also takes them seriously. For him, I think making me his gf means introducing me to his family, making me his priority when he def doesn't have the time for that right now. So if we were together official, these factors would impact us even stronger and cause us to break up and more stress. When being less serious, ya we can walk away easily but it won't hurt as much.
What are the reasons your guy doesn't make things official that you accept? If u don't mind sharing.
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In the past he went official far too soon, and things ended poorly. he's sick of giving his everything and ending up with nothing. And he have been dating unfaithful whores as well.
So I get his point, he wants to get to know me properly and about two weeks ago he actually did told me that he would be willing to make me his BUT he wants to make sure that he can handle my sex-addiction. (I'm not unfaithful or anything, just needy)
So after three rough weekends we seem to have sorted everything out and worked out a perfect compromise.
(QUote) "Dont want to be with you just to have you dump me because you aren't getting enough sex"
He also said that he fears i'm only in it for the sex, whilst I have been holding back on the romance a bit just because i didnt wan't to scare him off so xD But as said, we are getting there and I'm just waiting in line to go see a therapist for my behaviour as well.
I think it's a good call for you to hold back on the sex, at least you will know if he's with you for that or if he wants more out of you.
I seriously think that if two people love one another and have been dating for a year, get committed even though the time might not be ideal, it might save you both some stress and you would KNOW that he wants you. You can be in a less tight and committed relationship too, just sit down and set the boundaries and rules.
IF he doesn't know if he wants you after a year he probably never will either ... :/
Heck, I'm thinking I've been dating my guy for too long xD
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That's funny, I also have this affection/sex addiction. I don't think is serious but all I wanna do with him is cuddle and be affectionate. He has said no to sex before when I wanted to so I don't want him to think that thats all I want is sex and it also shows that he also won't just say yes to every offer so maybe it is more than sex. But that being said, it would be hard for me to tell him "no sex" because thats mostly what I wanna do with him but for my own respect, I should def let him know that its come down to that.
Well in the beginning all we did was party and have sex, thats how we met, through a party. Then we eventually got closer and started doing couple things like go out to eat and stay in and watch movies rather than partying. But that's it, that was all year so there wasn't any progress throughout the year. The year feels almost like it was only 3 months. So what I'm trying to say is yea it might seem suspicious if it has been that long and we haven't committed but we haven't done anything big all year that would make it seem like we're making progress. I think the next "big" step was him visiting me since we're long distance and yes meeting my family. But I havent met his but they know about me.
But yes I think it would feel so good to sit down and set the boundaries even if we're not official. One of the things I am lagging to tell him is idc if we're not together together, I don't want to share you with anybody else. So if he wants to be free to see/talk to others then he has to let me go. Although, girls aren't too big on his priority list, he can care less about goin out and meeting some, just in case I want to tell him that. His main priority is work.
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My main issue isn't the sex, it´s how I react when I get denied (Sad and angry) But now that he said: "I do love sex but I sorta want to focus more on cuddling and getting to know you" that's when I understood I shouldn't really be that upset about when he rather cuddles me than fuck me- It's a good sign.
I'm just saying that there's a great risk of you getting hurt if you let this proceed the way it is now, just as I am taking a risk of getting hurt by staying unofficial when ve been feeling like his GF for at least two months as it is.