Is it normal to not want to see a dying parent?

83% Normal
8 Comments

I've had a parent who has always been a negative person. My mother has always had mental issues, and I've done my best to deal with them. Yeah, I know about always blaming the parents, but everyone dealt with her mental problems by never confronting her. If someone did, her goal was to destroy them emotionally and socially. People that didn't know her just added to the overall problem. I walled away several times for my health and mental health and haven't seen her in months. Now she's got a few months to live. Is it normal not to feel bad because I don't want to see her?

Voting Results
83% Normal
Based on 77 votes (64 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • macncheez
    13 years ago

    Well, the Bible says to "honor thy father and mother," so even if you choose not to visit her before she dies, I think you should honor her in some way. Afterall, she did give you life.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    If she hasn't handled life well don't expect her to handle death well. You have every reason to continue protecting yourself and remaining out of her way.

    You came to terms with this to survive. Be at peace with your decision.

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  • whisper
    14 years ago

    I want to say thank you for all the kind and thoughtful comments, current and future. I'll keep watching.

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  • grumpybarbie
    14 years ago

    Some people never get a chance to say goodbye. If she has a mental illness, she really wasn't aware of how abusive she was being? But the bottom line is ; if you are okay with it, and you've made peace with not going to say goodbye, it's okay. You have your reasons, and you still have time to change your mind as well. Do what you can live with, that's all. It's certainly not an easy call and I feel badly for your delima and the life you had. GL friend.

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  • Nytingale
    14 years ago

    She made your life difficult and in truth you will probably always have to deal with the coping mechanisms and issues you developed to deal with the problem when young. This will always affect you and it's normal to feel uncomfortable when the possibilty arises that you might have to put yourself back in that situation even under special circumtances.
    I would suggest going if only to get some form of closure from the whole thing and maybe get some things off your chest. It's amazing what changes faceing the end of ones life brings about in people. She may have a different way of dealing with things or seeing things and even if she doesn't, you should have the opportunity to face what you both went through and try to resolve some of the emotions you may both feel before it's too late.

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  • mtnw
    14 years ago

    i think you are normal.

    everyone says that the mentally ill person suffers the most, but i, for one, do not believe that. i think that the family of a mentally ill person are the ones who suffer the most.

    therefore, i am on you side. don't visit her if you don't want to.

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  • TDG
    14 years ago

    I accidentally voted no!! I meant to say yes it's normal.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      14 years ago

      Thanks TDG. I got your message.

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