Sorry it's a long one i'll write in replies.A year ago I nearly killed myself. I had looked up how to and tied a rope from my skylight so I could hang myself, I didn't write a note as there was nothing to say other than the usual I don't care for or want my life and that I couldnt see myself getting out of the state I was in. I was going to smoke a joint and do it, during the joint my mum phoned to tell me she was near and was getting some food and asked if I wanted to grab something to eat. I realised that despite everything I wasn't selfish enough to kill myself.
I'm so glad you made the right decision. Well done in conquering that mountain, coming out of that darkness. Yes, it is a very selfish thing. I've been suicidal in that past and in the times I thought about suicide I tried to come up with ways I could do it which would make it seem like an accident (eg. driving my car into a tree.) I determined that many came at a risk of actually surviving only to be horribly impaired. Thankfully I'm through that now, but yeah suicide is one of the most selfish things a person can do because it leaves the living with so much baggage for the rest of their lives. You not only kill yourself, you kill a part of them, too.
For a while I resented myself for not doing it, I thought I'd have to live with this constant pain and feeliing of detatchment from everything for the rest of my life but now I know that killing myself would have been a massive massive mistake, sure i'm still not happy overall with my life and I have days in which feel down but I still find enjoyment in many things and I think that one day I will be fully content with my life, I can feel myself building towards it. I know you weren't talking about suicide but just because you dont value your life now it doesn't mean you wont at some point
Is it normal to not value my own life?
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Sorry it's a long one i'll write in replies.A year ago I nearly killed myself. I had looked up how to and tied a rope from my skylight so I could hang myself, I didn't write a note as there was nothing to say other than the usual I don't care for or want my life and that I couldnt see myself getting out of the state I was in. I was going to smoke a joint and do it, during the joint my mum phoned to tell me she was near and was getting some food and asked if I wanted to grab something to eat. I realised that despite everything I wasn't selfish enough to kill myself.
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I'm so glad you made the right decision. Well done in conquering that mountain, coming out of that darkness. Yes, it is a very selfish thing. I've been suicidal in that past and in the times I thought about suicide I tried to come up with ways I could do it which would make it seem like an accident (eg. driving my car into a tree.) I determined that many came at a risk of actually surviving only to be horribly impaired. Thankfully I'm through that now, but yeah suicide is one of the most selfish things a person can do because it leaves the living with so much baggage for the rest of their lives. You not only kill yourself, you kill a part of them, too.
Did yr mom bring you a pizza and beers ?
Smoke more pot !
For a while I resented myself for not doing it, I thought I'd have to live with this constant pain and feeliing of detatchment from everything for the rest of my life but now I know that killing myself would have been a massive massive mistake, sure i'm still not happy overall with my life and I have days in which feel down but I still find enjoyment in many things and I think that one day I will be fully content with my life, I can feel myself building towards it. I know you weren't talking about suicide but just because you dont value your life now it doesn't mean you wont at some point