Is it normal to not show "affection" to my husband?

67% Normal
4 Comments

I am 27 and my husband is 28. We have two kids and have been married for two years. When we have a communication break down(it happens often) I don't want to be intimate with him. He accuses me of not loving him and not wanting to grow with him. We never have time to ourselves, except when he wants to have sex. I'm just not as interested in sex as he is. I was at first, then we moved in together and had a baby..... I think that he has a lot of growing up to do and it makes me shut down sexually. I love him and i want to be with him. When I get upset with him I don't want to be intimate with him, even hours after a fight. Is this normal? What can we do?

Voting Results
67% Normal
Based on 67 votes (45 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • Voodoochild_82
    13 years ago

    Your story is like my life to a t. I'm glad I'm not the only one I have the same thing going on with my mam and he doesn't understand

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  • [Old Memory]
    14 years ago

    He is the one that is trying to connect with you and you are resisting. Withholding sex from your husband because you don't like his maturity level sounds like a punishment and we are not here to punish our spouses when we are upset by their behavior.

    Maybe if you let your husband be intimate with you it will help you two bond, and he will feel closer to you and want to please you outside of the bedroom. Equally, you should should explain what you need from him - in detail - and don't get into the blame game with him. There shouldn't be any who's wrong or who's right in your communication. Focus on what you need from each other and not what the other person is doing wrong. Don't bring up the past; state what you need today & in the future and move forward.

    You may also benefit from a few sessions at a marriage counselor.

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  • midontcare
    14 years ago

    You are normal. The best advice i can give (and I have been married to the same person for 16 years now) is your relationship is going to go through ups and downs. Right now you are going through a tough time. You are both probably tired, because being a parent is hard work and you are both still young but have a lot of responsibilities. Don't force it or worry about it - just try to do things that make you happy. If money is tight and you can't afford a baby sitter - try to find another couple and swap baby sitting nights with them so you and your husband can have some alone time - even if it is just to sit down together and watch a tv show.

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  • mtnw
    14 years ago

    i think you are normal. of course you don't want to be intimate with him if you've had a fight and feel things aren't resolved.

    probably for him, things are resolved, who knows.

    alot of people really don't know how to have a productive fight. there's no point in fighting when one is just using the other to vent on and dump frustrations on. even if this isn't the case, if the fight is still going on in your head or heart, then he needs to know that.

    happy wife, happy life!

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