Is it normal to not know if you are deressed?
I cannot decide if I am depressed, or if I am tricking myself into thinking I am? I know this is long, but please I you have the time, I would appreciate an opinion.
Well, I have been increasingly having days where I feel like time moves slow and then fast, and I often feel alone and fatigued. Sometimes I have insomnia, followed by headaches. Or I need to sleep a lot, hypersomnia, but still wake up fatigued. When I feel fatigued, it is both mental an physical, I cannot do my daily workouts, I went from the second on varsity to being on jv in my sport. I also lack the mental clarity I once had and now I just stare at my work. The longed times of the day are when I am alone, I prefer being alone because I have found that being around people irritatates me, I have friends but I feel distant from them. I have times where I imagine I am wrecking a room, and daydream about if I were to die, I would never kill myself, but would not mind if I died on behalf of someone else, or of natural causes. I often feel like i will regret my life in retrospest. I have been missing shcool alot for "migraines", but I cannot tell if they are real or I am just imagining them, but they last for hours. I am an introvert by nature, so it is very hard to express myself, I supress everything I feel, I have rage, and the urge to hurt myself, but I do not want to attract attention. I feel like people who harm themselves are selfish because they make other people worry about them, and are just seeking attention. I have had thoughts about taking pills, but I have realized that I am chickenshit, and will never have the balls to off myself. I am probably the person who anyone would least expect to feel this way, I pride myself of internalizibg my feelings, partly because I feel selfish for feeling this way, I have no reason to be messed up; And partly because I don't want anyone's pity. The only reason I posted this is because I have been doing worse in school.
This post is not a joke, and I would really appreciate honest feedback. I undersstand that no one can diagnose me, but the anyonomity allows me to express myself without reprecutions. I want to thank the serious posters in advance, I really appreciate any comment ment to help me understand what I am feeling.