You should be a bit careful when it comes to judging such a large group of people. Are there moronic "Doms" that should not be in such a position?
Of course.
But there´s also sane and healthy people.
I´m switch myself and the safety of the sub comes first. When I am with someone new I´m rather too gentle than too violent.
I'm also switch, more sub than dom, but I haven't indulged in either for a while except in my phone sex work because quite frankly I got sick of the egotistical competitive bullshit I encountered far too often in the BDSM scene.
I know there are sane & healthy people in the BDSM world, but there are also doms who say they're only into "safe, sane & consensual" because that's the right thing to say, when in fact in private the power goes to their heads and they take things much further than the sub has consented to. I've seen one highly respected dom run workshops where she emphasises that drugs of any kind are a total no-no before or during a scene when in fact she's been known to use amphetamines before partying.
Of course 50 shades of Bullshit is a prime example of unsafe unethical BDSM and the popularity of both the book and the film worries me a lot, as I know it does plenty of people in the BDSM world who, like you, wouldn't dream of ignoring a safe word as the so-called "hero" does.
¨Likewise, I´ve not had too much experience of being Dominant. Mostly because I prefer to be with men and I dislike having men as submissive- It feels weird when we both know he´s stronger than what I am.
I also agree with you, a lot of people seem to be into this lifestyle without a clue of how to play it safe.
I was with a FwB for my first D/s experience and when I put my foot down regarding the involvements of other people (Not something I dislike, but in sexual situations I don´t think about safe sex so for my own safety I told him I wanted to have a break with those activities)
So when he tried to convince me to continue I dropped him instantly, a real turn-off when people outside of the game tries to control.
Far too many people think they're watching real sex when they're watching porn and this is particularly dangerous on the BDSM websites because the issue of consent is only very rarely mentioned.
That's exactly the sort of thing that decided me to stay away from the BDSM scene: far too many doms get hooked on the control outside the scene and in my daily life I'm far from submissive so that just doesn't work for me - nor would I want to be a full time dom, too much like hard work!
I also saw a couple of people close to me become seriously addicted to the whole scene, spending money they couldn't afford on the latest whips & chains & leather or latex outfits: just another extension of capitalist consumerism, hardly the revolutionary movement some people pretend it is.
I think that it´s really hard to get everything you want from the same person. I´ve heard from more than one person that I actually do consent to mostly everything (My limit is when my health is in concern) this makes my craving rather big and wide.
But it seems like the guys that would be able to give me sexually 200% what I want is ass-hats and hence not people I would want to be engaged with anyway.
My past two sexual partners (Also boyfriends) has been a bit too less frequent with longer scenes than my general taste, but I pick that any day over being with someone that does not seem to respect the few boundaries that I actually have.
Still working on trying to make my boyfriend understand that I can take it, but it´s reassuring to know that he cares.
I´m the same, outside of it no one controls me- We are a team. If anything I am the one that craves the most control of things.
it´s sort of silly to spend that amount of money on toys, I buy things cheap from ebay and some year ago I bought a really really nice horse-whip in black and red that really does look more like a fancy human-whip. FOr only 29 sek! Which is 3,5 USD if that´s easier to convert.
Personally I think it's not just hard but impossible to get everything you want from one person and trying to force that is pointless and often manipulative.
You seem to have your own needs very well identified - good luck with getting more of what turns you on and yeah, I'd be sticking with your current feller if he's trustworthy about boundaries, the alternative is far too dangerous in all respects.
Just a suggestion: how about "more more" when you want him to go further? Assuming you haven't already tried that ........
Oh, when we are on it It´s good. It´s just getting him there that is not as frequent as I would want it too.
And since he does a lot of things to turn me on and it drives me crazy just being near him it´s easily forgotten too.
But he loves it when I suggest that he gets on his back and I suck him off for as long as he whips me. Hard to decline.
IIN to not get sexual pleasure when boyfriend consents to bondage?
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You should be a bit careful when it comes to judging such a large group of people. Are there moronic "Doms" that should not be in such a position?
Of course.
But there´s also sane and healthy people.
I´m switch myself and the safety of the sub comes first. When I am with someone new I´m rather too gentle than too violent.
--
Ellenna
8 years ago
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I'm also switch, more sub than dom, but I haven't indulged in either for a while except in my phone sex work because quite frankly I got sick of the egotistical competitive bullshit I encountered far too often in the BDSM scene.
I know there are sane & healthy people in the BDSM world, but there are also doms who say they're only into "safe, sane & consensual" because that's the right thing to say, when in fact in private the power goes to their heads and they take things much further than the sub has consented to. I've seen one highly respected dom run workshops where she emphasises that drugs of any kind are a total no-no before or during a scene when in fact she's been known to use amphetamines before partying.
Of course 50 shades of Bullshit is a prime example of unsafe unethical BDSM and the popularity of both the book and the film worries me a lot, as I know it does plenty of people in the BDSM world who, like you, wouldn't dream of ignoring a safe word as the so-called "hero" does.
--
(s)aint
8 years ago
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¨Likewise, I´ve not had too much experience of being Dominant. Mostly because I prefer to be with men and I dislike having men as submissive- It feels weird when we both know he´s stronger than what I am.
I also agree with you, a lot of people seem to be into this lifestyle without a clue of how to play it safe.
I was with a FwB for my first D/s experience and when I put my foot down regarding the involvements of other people (Not something I dislike, but in sexual situations I don´t think about safe sex so for my own safety I told him I wanted to have a break with those activities)
So when he tried to convince me to continue I dropped him instantly, a real turn-off when people outside of the game tries to control.
--
Ellenna
8 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
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0
Far too many people think they're watching real sex when they're watching porn and this is particularly dangerous on the BDSM websites because the issue of consent is only very rarely mentioned.
That's exactly the sort of thing that decided me to stay away from the BDSM scene: far too many doms get hooked on the control outside the scene and in my daily life I'm far from submissive so that just doesn't work for me - nor would I want to be a full time dom, too much like hard work!
I also saw a couple of people close to me become seriously addicted to the whole scene, spending money they couldn't afford on the latest whips & chains & leather or latex outfits: just another extension of capitalist consumerism, hardly the revolutionary movement some people pretend it is.
--
(s)aint
8 years ago
|
pl
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I think that it´s really hard to get everything you want from the same person. I´ve heard from more than one person that I actually do consent to mostly everything (My limit is when my health is in concern) this makes my craving rather big and wide.
But it seems like the guys that would be able to give me sexually 200% what I want is ass-hats and hence not people I would want to be engaged with anyway.
My past two sexual partners (Also boyfriends) has been a bit too less frequent with longer scenes than my general taste, but I pick that any day over being with someone that does not seem to respect the few boundaries that I actually have.
Still working on trying to make my boyfriend understand that I can take it, but it´s reassuring to know that he cares.
I´m the same, outside of it no one controls me- We are a team. If anything I am the one that craves the most control of things.
it´s sort of silly to spend that amount of money on toys, I buy things cheap from ebay and some year ago I bought a really really nice horse-whip in black and red that really does look more like a fancy human-whip. FOr only 29 sek! Which is 3,5 USD if that´s easier to convert.
--
Ellenna
8 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
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Personally I think it's not just hard but impossible to get everything you want from one person and trying to force that is pointless and often manipulative.
You seem to have your own needs very well identified - good luck with getting more of what turns you on and yeah, I'd be sticking with your current feller if he's trustworthy about boundaries, the alternative is far too dangerous in all respects.
Just a suggestion: how about "more more" when you want him to go further? Assuming you haven't already tried that ........
--
(s)aint
8 years ago
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pl
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Oh, when we are on it It´s good. It´s just getting him there that is not as frequent as I would want it too.
And since he does a lot of things to turn me on and it drives me crazy just being near him it´s easily forgotten too.
But he loves it when I suggest that he gets on his back and I suck him off for as long as he whips me. Hard to decline.