Is it normal to not feel like a mother to your child?

I had my first child shortly after my 19th birthday. I was alone, broke, young and not mentally ready to be a parent so she spent a lot of her years with her grandmother (even presently). 9 Years later, there's a major disconnect. I feel more like an aunt than a mother to her. I recently had a new baby whom I completely adore because she was made with love and wanted and I was a lot older and mentally prepared for her. Not to mention, I'm still with the father. is it normal to feel disconnected from a child that you gave birth to, regardless of the circumstances (timing, support, finances, mentality, age, maturity) surrounding their birth?? :0(

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 9 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Step up to the plate and be the best mom you can be to your first daughter! You've already fucked up quite a bit but that's NO excuse to continue on that way. You can still be there for some vital years

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  • Yes it's normal. But I'm sure knowing that doesn't really make you feel better though. Try spending more time with her and do things that you like and that she likes. You need to bond with her. Make up for those years you missed.

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  • Bonding occurs with the mother and child at birth. It probably had alot to do with your age. Bonding is also hormonal. Do your best and never let the child know.

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  • The lack of connection is normal, your ability to let that happen is the abnormality.
    My cousin is 20 and has just had a baby boy. She isn't with his father, doesn't own her house, hasn't got an eduction and is living off benefits but I have never seen a baby so loved by his mother as well as the rest of his family.
    So please, don't make excuses for yourself. You could have had her adopted to a mother and father that would have loved her unconditionally and forever.
    Try dammed hard to give her the love she deserves to make up for failing her at the beginning of her life.

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  • In your situation yes it is normal.

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  • yes this is very normal. You should try to love your child from nine years ago anyways. Don't make the child feel alone and lost in the world without a mother, it causes major emotional trauma.

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  • Yes. It is normal! But you can't help that you we're 19!!!
    Have you tried to talk to her more, or even tried to get a better connection?

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  • Yes, due to how your situation was at the time. Now, that you've matured, I think you should try to fill the gap between you and your first daughter.

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  • Thanks you, both. I will try my best...

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