Keep things simple. In this scenario you don't have to either be on hand to save someones life or expect them to save you. You mention this and it sounds like your expectations of friendships are too high.
It could be you are hanging with some people you don't click with, hate is a strong word and I think few people mean it. Dislike or annoying, may be better adjectives to get used to using and helps keep a healthier perspective. Would suggest like others that you stay off the weed for a bit, smoking can be a downer.
You might be going through a conscious level, gear change. It happens throughout our life but can be more frequent and more confusing when we are younger and working out the impermanence and futility of things. It can be very scary, but actually its natural enough to struggle with certain concepts - especially when we live in a world that appears to value commercialism way more than existential conflict.
Your description of being a grain of sand on a beach is actually pretty healthy, we are all of us insignificant in this way, we are nothing on our own and vulnerable to unpredictable forces. It's easy to see life as utterly pointless or at least see yourself as nothing more than a demanding, irritation to an otherwise harmonious universe, but you are an essential ingredient and were it not for you, or the people who are your friends, the universe could not be what it is, for some reason you are here and contributing whether you like it or not.
Give yourself a break, stay off the smoke for a week (maybe even forever) and maybe try and notice the smaller things that you like in your friends, its not just a random accident that you are with them.
Is it normal to not consider your friends... your friends?
← View full post
Keep things simple. In this scenario you don't have to either be on hand to save someones life or expect them to save you. You mention this and it sounds like your expectations of friendships are too high.
It could be you are hanging with some people you don't click with, hate is a strong word and I think few people mean it. Dislike or annoying, may be better adjectives to get used to using and helps keep a healthier perspective. Would suggest like others that you stay off the weed for a bit, smoking can be a downer.
You might be going through a conscious level, gear change. It happens throughout our life but can be more frequent and more confusing when we are younger and working out the impermanence and futility of things. It can be very scary, but actually its natural enough to struggle with certain concepts - especially when we live in a world that appears to value commercialism way more than existential conflict.
Your description of being a grain of sand on a beach is actually pretty healthy, we are all of us insignificant in this way, we are nothing on our own and vulnerable to unpredictable forces. It's easy to see life as utterly pointless or at least see yourself as nothing more than a demanding, irritation to an otherwise harmonious universe, but you are an essential ingredient and were it not for you, or the people who are your friends, the universe could not be what it is, for some reason you are here and contributing whether you like it or not.
Give yourself a break, stay off the smoke for a week (maybe even forever) and maybe try and notice the smaller things that you like in your friends, its not just a random accident that you are with them.