Okay, so I'm an old guy and you'll probably think I'm out of it and don't know what I'm talking about, but what you are feeling is perfectly normal and VERY common ... even among us old folks. I was one of the shyest guys ever and had a terrible time working up the courage to talk to a girl (or woman) I liked ... but talk, as I later discovered, is somewhat overrated.
You don't have to entertain the guy, if he wants that, he can go to a movie, or a comedy club, if he wants that from you, then dump him. The most important conversations you'll ever have with someone you like, or love, will be the ones that use NO words.
What most guys want, at least to start, is to just know whether, or not you like them ... the answer seems to be yes in this case. The ability to talk comfortably with someone is a gift, but sometimes, a look, or reaching over and taking him (or her) by the hand will say more than any words.
What I wanted from a woman and still want, is to know she's interested in me ... once I knew that, it was much easier to talk to her and she seemed to find it easier to talk to me! You may find that this is true with your love interest. It also helps sometimes to just take a deep breath and say how you feel and then ask the person if they want to go out somewhere.
Don't worry about whether he'll like the place, or not ... if he likes you, then he'll need to know what you like and he'll probably be relieved to find out at least one place you like to go. If he says yes and you go out and you find you're running out of things to talk about, there are many ways to keep things going: One way would be to ask him about himself ... like, "Who's your favorite band?" Well, that might be a little dumb, but I'm sure you can think of things you would like to know about him :) Also, if you're walking and talking, or sitting at a theater, be the aggressive one and take his hand. Once he knows you want to hold hands he will be happy to be the one who reaches out.
Remember, no matter how shy, or unsure of yourself you may feel, if he's around your same age, he'll probably feel just as shy, or more so. And if he isn't and makes you feel that the only way you can prove you like him is for you to give in to his sexual demands, then it's not you he likes, or wants, he just sees you as an object to be used ... stay away from him, he'll only cause you pain.
There's an old saying that I made up (many people have invented it separately and said it in different ways, because many people have been where you are and have sometimes been hurt and also have found happiness ... it's all part of life ... anyway, the saying goes: "Follow your heart, but get directions from your brain"
Is it normal to not be able to talk to a guy I like?
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Okay, so I'm an old guy and you'll probably think I'm out of it and don't know what I'm talking about, but what you are feeling is perfectly normal and VERY common ... even among us old folks. I was one of the shyest guys ever and had a terrible time working up the courage to talk to a girl (or woman) I liked ... but talk, as I later discovered, is somewhat overrated.
You don't have to entertain the guy, if he wants that, he can go to a movie, or a comedy club, if he wants that from you, then dump him. The most important conversations you'll ever have with someone you like, or love, will be the ones that use NO words.
What most guys want, at least to start, is to just know whether, or not you like them ... the answer seems to be yes in this case. The ability to talk comfortably with someone is a gift, but sometimes, a look, or reaching over and taking him (or her) by the hand will say more than any words.
What I wanted from a woman and still want, is to know she's interested in me ... once I knew that, it was much easier to talk to her and she seemed to find it easier to talk to me! You may find that this is true with your love interest. It also helps sometimes to just take a deep breath and say how you feel and then ask the person if they want to go out somewhere.
Don't worry about whether he'll like the place, or not ... if he likes you, then he'll need to know what you like and he'll probably be relieved to find out at least one place you like to go. If he says yes and you go out and you find you're running out of things to talk about, there are many ways to keep things going: One way would be to ask him about himself ... like, "Who's your favorite band?" Well, that might be a little dumb, but I'm sure you can think of things you would like to know about him :) Also, if you're walking and talking, or sitting at a theater, be the aggressive one and take his hand. Once he knows you want to hold hands he will be happy to be the one who reaches out.
Remember, no matter how shy, or unsure of yourself you may feel, if he's around your same age, he'll probably feel just as shy, or more so. And if he isn't and makes you feel that the only way you can prove you like him is for you to give in to his sexual demands, then it's not you he likes, or wants, he just sees you as an object to be used ... stay away from him, he'll only cause you pain.
There's an old saying that I made up (many people have invented it separately and said it in different ways, because many people have been where you are and have sometimes been hurt and also have found happiness ... it's all part of life ... anyway, the saying goes: "Follow your heart, but get directions from your brain"
Good luck and don't worry, you're not alone.
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dappled
11 years ago
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I was going to answer and make a different point than this but I think you've offered such wise advice there that I don't want to detract from it.