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I've been with my wife for 8 years, and I ABSOLUTELY love her, buuuut we are in a nearly sexless relationship since shortly after we got married, and I have way too many thoughts of other women. I know I'll probably get a lot of slack for this, but I SERIOUSLY cant be the only one like this.
Check with your wife first before doing anything. Just understand that if you're free to fuck, then she is too.
Sadly, I doubt it'll work out even if she agrees to make this an open-marriage, because us ladies tend to feel insecure when a man changes his mind like this, especially after years of being together. Personally, if my husband came at me with this, I'll probably agree because I care about his happiness too much, become emotionally detached from him the more he breaks our vows, and just use this opportunity find another man who is actually faithful and leave my ex-husband to his whores; but that's just my take on it.
Good luck man, next time don't get married if you want to keep slinging dick.
What's not normal is getting married and taking a vow of monogamy when you knew you were like this.
Too late now. Don't fuck anyone else or get a divorce.
What's also not normal is that as soon as we married my wifes sex drive disappeared, so yeah, I wasn't "like this" before I got married, because sex wasn't an issue then. We would make love at least a few times a week, now its twice a month on a good month. And yes, I HAVE talked to my wife about this, a few times,and explained that sex is STILL important to me, but it did no good. And no, it's not because I dont satisfy her sexually, because I do. Very much so. To the point of me doing ALL the work, and her not reciprocating. It's like it's all about HER satisfaction when we make love, getting HER to orgasm. Sometimes I feel like I'm just her sex toy. I cant remember the last time she tried seducing me, or even touched me other than kissing me when we are in coitus. Her libido, her desire, is a LOT less than mine now. Maybe its age, or how busy we are, or maybe she just doesnt care about MY desires as much as hers. And if u read my post it doesnt say I actually HAVE slept with anyone else, just the desire is there, because I'm unsatisfied with my sex life. SHE knew getting in to this relationship how important sex is to me and how high my sex drive is, and satisfied me then. But since we got married, she doesn't care. I DO love my wife and the life we have, but I need more sexual contact than what she provides, so my mind turns to other solutions.
So it sounds like the issue here isn't necessarily that you have a burning desire to sleep with other people, but more that you would just like to get to sleep with your wife on a regular basis, like you did before you got married. Now she's not into it it's made you start to consider other options.
This is much more normal than what you said in your original post. I know this may sound obvious but talk to your wife! Tell her how you feel (I wouldn't focus on the wanting to fuck other people part, keep the conversation focused on your own marital sex life for now). If she knows how seriously this lack of sex is bothering you and she really loves you then she will be willing to put in the effort to make positive changes. If she doesn't seem to care then, well, she's being pretty selfish and it might be time to start talking to her about a trial seperation where you can see other people.
Yeah, pretty much nailed it on the head. And I HAVE talked to her about it, a number of times. It gets 'better' for a week or so, then ends up going right back to where it was before. She IS very self centered, and that's reflecting in our sex life too. Almost to the point where I think if she could get away with it, she would roll over and fall asleep right after I get her off, never mind MY release.
Thanks for your input, and everyone else as well. I DO appreciate it
I'm sorry to hear that man, that's tough.
Does she know how serious you are? I know you telling her should be enough, but sometimes people don't get it. I'm not suggesting that you make idle threats, but I do wonder if you telling her that this is enough for you to consider a separation if it can't be resolved might be enough to make her see how important this is to you. Be prepared for this to take time. She can't just force something that doesn't come naturally, you may have to try new things and possibly even consider couples counseling. Honestly though, if you aren't getting what you need from the marriage long term you may end up making a horrible mistake one day. Being a good husband doesn't mean put up and shut up til death do us part. You both should be working for your marriage. Whatever you decide, I hope it works out ok for you.
There are two sides to every story. You have so much resentment over this, which is unusual, so there must be way more going on in your relationship besides this.
However, you seem hellbent on being the victim and clinging to post who treat you as such. You're not a victim and you married this woman for a reason and had children with her. Was it for love or her pussy hole? I'm guessing love, hopefully.
I'm not attacking you, but it's obvious there way more going on than just lack of sex, but you're too focus on it to see anything else. Your marriage is in trouble and neither you or your wife knows how to handle it; and you rather sit here and complain about her and shit talk.
Again good luck.
The ONLY ONLY ONLY issue in our marriage IS the lack of sex, and me not understanding why it happened and how to fix it. We lived together for five years, and the sex, although skewed to her satisfaction (which is truly MY fault because I focused too strongly on her release too much), was very frequent. Then yes, BAM, it died. Not a gradual drop, like going from 5 times a week, to 4, to 2, but all of the sudden. Two months into being married. And that baffles me. So yes, it DOES come across as a "Whoonk Whoonk we got married so I'm never in the moooooood" as you stated earlier. And I complained and talked shit about her to clarify the SEX part of this. I know shes celf centered. Has been since I met her, and that doesnt bother me, nor any of her other flaws, otherwise I wouldnt have married her if I couldn't cope. And vise versa. We have a strong relationship, and we are good together. We get along perfectly 99 percent of the time. We rarely argue, and if we do, we can normally compromise. And if we cant, I just say "yes dear" lol. It's just the lack of sex is frustrating me, and i dont know what to do. My libido is sky high, and yes I do use both my hands as u said, INSTEAD of following through with the cheating thoughts. And yes I DO feel guilty as fuck for my thoughts getting this far along, so I asked for input from you and everyone else on here, hoping for a solution.
Unfortunately what you describe is very common once women marry. I don't condone or understand it but it's a pretty well known case.
I maintain you should never have gotten married, but you made your bed. Better or worse remember?
I did choose this life, absolutely agree. And sex was a huge part of our relationship prior to getting married, for BOTH of us. We were engaged for 5 years and the sex was frequent. But it was like a switch was flipped two months into married life. So no, it wasn't foreshadowed that as soon as we married the sex was over, so I cant agree with your comments about I shouldn't have ever gotten married, because I didnt KNOW she would go frigid like this. But you are right, for better or worse, so I'm just trying to cope, and seeking input on here.
Summary: I love sex more than my wife and my marriage. I tried to make her understand this by asking for it more often, reminding her, and even making it more appealing to her by doing most of the work when we did do it, but she's not fucking getting it. So I may satisfy my sexual needs elsewhere, I "love" her, but I love sex more so fuck her, she's not giving me any other choice.
This is what I get from this entire rant. I want to be empathetic, I really do, because in my relationship, I'm the one with the high libido, while my boyfriend needs to be in the mood and such; so we don't have sex as often or as crazy as I want to. Which is okay with me, cause I'm not with him for that. So this is not some, "WOMEN ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR DICK," thing, I'm addressing your character and your ability to be a loving husband/partner. As much as you want to be, you're not the victim in this, and neither is she.
You want more sex, but you don't necessarily need it to survive, plus you have a hand, two hands actually! So let's put sex aside for a minute, and focus. As someone who knows his lady better than ANYONE both inside and out (literally), have you tried to figure out what caused this sudden change? Have there been more changes besides sex? Do you sense a disturbance in the force? Like, you don't need to be Sherlock Holmes, but if she's unwilling to get close to you when she did so before then something is up, and it's not some "Whoonk Whoonk we got married so I'm never in the moooooood!" You two may need to have a deep conversation about the marriage and the bond you two share (not solely sex, leave sex out for now!) in order to rekindle this flame. And I know talking sucks, but sometimes that's all a relationship needs to get better.
Life is complicated. I know most everyone goes into marriage with good intentions. It is a gamble and a risk to do so, just be prepared for tge consequences if caught. I have hooked up with others without my wife knowing and consenting, man thats powerful and great sex, so i understand.
And yes for the record and to save you all some time, im a disgusting pig, cheating asshole, who should get AIDS and shrivel up and die.
I think you need to look up the definitions of the words slack, and flack there, buddy. Correct your mistake before it's too late! That's all the slack I'll give you!
You need to be a man an take control and fuck her brains out stop being a pussy
I do not think anyone can really blame you for wanting an affair.
If your wife isn't putting out, you have to get your needs met somewhere. There is an old expression that goes, "A woman who puts her man in the dog house may soon find him in the cat house".
When you said you spoil your wife and kids, do not raise your voice etc, this points out a problem you might not be aware of. Your wife just sees you as a dollar sign. You are basically her "bitch boy".
You need to put a stop to that shit. She is not going to just start putting out. As far as she is concerned, she doesn't have to. Just let this sink in, research it if needed. AND... you either need to start getting a little poon on the side or get a divorce. She is just a gold digger.
You’re definitely not the only one. You AND your wife should feel free to fuck anyone you want. You can love someone and STILL fuck others. It’s just sex!
Cheaters belong in hell. You have time to think about cheating because you're an idle bastard. Focus on improving yourself in work, family life, with the kids and community. Idle minds = evil deeds.
Yikes. A little overkill on your judgement there bud. Here's a little background info for you;I work two full time jobs, one of which is my own successful company, and I make about 250k a year, so I'm good with the work part of my life. As far as family life, I spoil my wife and kids, I support them in just about everything they do (even if I dont always agree with those choices), I never raise my voice or abuse them in any form, I pamper my wife in little and big ways ALL the time, and always show my family I love them, so that's good too. And I DO give to the community. My wife and I own an outreach that provides FREE clothes, food, household items such as pots and pans, furniture, dinnerware, movies, books, shoes, etc etc. I've been paying rent and all overhead to keep this outreach running for about 5 years now, putting in anywhere from 15 to 30 hours a week into it, so I'm pretty positive that aspect is also covered. I average about 4 to 5 hours of sleep a night, and I assume that takes care of the whole 'idle bastard' part of your comment. And no where in my post did I say I was actually banging anyone, but those THOUGHTS are always there.Yes, the desire is there, the temptation, the thoughts, but even if I found a willing partner, I have no time anyways.
That wasn't a little background info, and I agree, it's definitely overkill. It's the ones like you that look good on the outside that are sick on the inside. Take the sex scandals at church, for example. So no you're not the only one. And yes - there's no glory in it.
My wife and I are swingers. I also am in a romantic/sexual relationship with my mother-in-law and my wife approves of it. Having an open polyamorous marriage has been great for us. We stay honest and open with each other and never do anything or anyone the other isn't okay with.
Well, well. Doing without sex isn't good for you at all, as everyone knows, and if your wife loved you as much as you seem to love her she would be doing something to take care of your needs but since she is not you should find someone who will. Don't be a selfish person and tell her. Keep it to yourself so as not to hurt her. That is called being an adult.
You're a guy dude, it's in your bones, but you got married, and if you wanted to shag around then you shouldn't have put a ring on your wife.
Maybe ask her (Idk how on earth you're going to get her to say yes) but if she's not fine with it then I think it's tough titty.
No it isn't normal.It's called cheating. Or in your case just being a douchebag.
So in you're assuredly professional opinion, at what point does it go from cheating to being a douchebag? Is there a cutoff point that I sailed past? Or a handbook that specifies that after a certain amount of cheating you graduate to douchebag? Dont leave me hanging here Doctor Jethro, I NEED to know!!!
No Spanky. You ARE a douchebag for cheating. It doesn't go from one to the other. If your head wasn't up your ass you could have figured it out all on your own.
Take the time to read the posts on here and maybe, just maybe, you'll see I've said a couple times that I HAVE NOT cheated on her. Sure, the thoughts are there, but I've never followed through. So calm your tits a wee little bit. And you said "it's called cheating. OR in your case just being a douchebag." I capitalized the or, just for clarification.