It is a cycle and yeah its not consistent which kills me. I am or was consistent with him but it was his effort that was lacking to make it completely consistent. One day he treats me so right and literally hours later its like I don't exist to him.
One of the reasons why I would forgive him is cause thats who he is. He expressed to me that he has had problems in his past relationships because he ends up giving mixed signals and he's not a very affectionate person all the time. So because of my strong feelings for him, I felt like I wanted to be the one who accepts him and he can improve with me. But thats another thing...it just seems like he won't even bother trying to change when he has told me stuff I have to fix and I've tried to improve them. His lack of effort is what kills me at the end of the day.
He's not going to change. It's hard to accept that when it's someone you love but if you don't you're only going to hurt yourself, eventually it becomes a choice to keep getting hurt and once that happens it's not his problem it's yours.
I've learned when I really was in love things just clicked, there weren't arguments, no off and on business, no games, no lies, I didn't have anything I wanted to change about my partner, affection wasn't lacking, everything was mutual and flowed.
He isn't going to change for you if he hasn't already, he has to figure that out for himself. The harder you try to make it work the harder it's going to be when things end and he moves on.
Yeah I feel like I'm already in the process of moving on, it's just really slow and a lot happening during cause its not easy to get over someone you love. I've accepted him and defended him after friends and family tell me the same thing everyone here is telling me because I know that's just his personality. But then I think if he felt the same way I did for him, he would be willing to change since I'm asking him to change for the better not to change his personality for my own pleasure. But since I feel like I'm not even in his top three priorities then I shouldn't expect him to do that for me. We're not an official couple and mutually agreed to that because we have other priorities like just getting our life together in terms of career and a place to live. But he's not at the bottom of my list either. Slowly though, he's getting there.
Is it normal to love/hate someone at the same time?
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It is a cycle and yeah its not consistent which kills me. I am or was consistent with him but it was his effort that was lacking to make it completely consistent. One day he treats me so right and literally hours later its like I don't exist to him.
One of the reasons why I would forgive him is cause thats who he is. He expressed to me that he has had problems in his past relationships because he ends up giving mixed signals and he's not a very affectionate person all the time. So because of my strong feelings for him, I felt like I wanted to be the one who accepts him and he can improve with me. But thats another thing...it just seems like he won't even bother trying to change when he has told me stuff I have to fix and I've tried to improve them. His lack of effort is what kills me at the end of the day.
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Fall_leaves
9 years ago
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He's not going to change. It's hard to accept that when it's someone you love but if you don't you're only going to hurt yourself, eventually it becomes a choice to keep getting hurt and once that happens it's not his problem it's yours.
I've learned when I really was in love things just clicked, there weren't arguments, no off and on business, no games, no lies, I didn't have anything I wanted to change about my partner, affection wasn't lacking, everything was mutual and flowed.
He isn't going to change for you if he hasn't already, he has to figure that out for himself. The harder you try to make it work the harder it's going to be when things end and he moves on.
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Anonymous Post Author
9 years ago
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Yeah I feel like I'm already in the process of moving on, it's just really slow and a lot happening during cause its not easy to get over someone you love. I've accepted him and defended him after friends and family tell me the same thing everyone here is telling me because I know that's just his personality. But then I think if he felt the same way I did for him, he would be willing to change since I'm asking him to change for the better not to change his personality for my own pleasure. But since I feel like I'm not even in his top three priorities then I shouldn't expect him to do that for me. We're not an official couple and mutually agreed to that because we have other priorities like just getting our life together in terms of career and a place to live. But he's not at the bottom of my list either. Slowly though, he's getting there.