Is it normal to love cutting off my relationships?

I think I only date people so I can reject them once they start to get attached. It's the same with friends too. Perhaps it's thanks to a lifetime of being submitted to abuse, beating and manipulation, but I can't really enjoy any kind of interaction. Actually, I feel like I really hate or at least dislike almost everyone. People usually don't notice, since I can laugh and act, but it's the truth. While I don't want to hurt people, I really love discarding them and cutting off our bonds. It'not really the pain from the other person that makes me excited, but rather how it makes me feel about myself. I have to force myself through every relationship, but ending it gives a nice feeling of relief and freedom. To me, it's like reaffirming that I belong only to myself, and that I don't need to sumbit to others. While having a boyfriend damages my self-esteem, dumping him makes me feel great and even love myself a little. Is it too wrong?

Voting Results
27% Normal
Based on 26 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 34 )
  • Not normal. Just stay single instead. You clearly do not have good self esteem if you need to do this to feel good.

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    • I don't need to cut off my links to feel weel, having no links is also great, but like most people I still hope to have rewarding relationships. The problem is not that I consciously let come close so that I can cut them off, but rather that I start relationships for the hope of something better, but I soon come to realize that it is not happening. So I thought, why have I still kept bonding with people if nothing good happens? Probably because it feels good to cut them off. I don't know what I'm going to do now that I reached this conclusion, but I'm not going to keep investing in relationships that seem 100% unhealthy anymore.

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      • redrainbow22

        Sounds like you've grown too used to abuse.

        That you couldnt get away from it when you were young, and so you rationalized in your mind, and tricked yourself to think that it was your friend so you could go on in pleasure, instead of discomfort.

        Because not liking abuse is normal. Your not supposed to like abuse and manipulation.

        I could be wrong. But this is just what it sounds like.

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        • I have not "tricked" myself, but yes, I was used to abuse. I still don't feel rewarded by my present relationships, though.

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  • RoseIsabella

    You're probably not the relationship type.

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    • Zorak

      She seems like a bitch with severe abandonment issues.

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      • Actually being abandoned gives me the same high. That's why I love when my friends forget about me.

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        • Zorak

          Wow. You have issues. You are going to have a lonely shitty life. At least it seems like its no one elses loss. A bag of lawn mulch is probably more interesting than you are. 🤣 You seem like you are just trying to be super edgy and act like you don't care but deep down you really do. Like a little baby emo kid. How old are you? Probably 18..maybe 19 tops?

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          • 22, and yes, I do have issues. No, I don't care, and I'm not uninteresting (to the people that stay with me while I indulge them), but I do wish I can find a rewarding relationship someday.

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  • Raineisraineisraine

    You date people just so that you can reject them once they get really close to you? Not normal at all. You obviously lack empathy which could be from being abused. That's not a good thing and it's not normal. I suggest you go to a therapist.

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    • Nope, it's more like I date them in hope of something better, but this is the best I get. I do have empathy, and I feel bad for them when the relationship is important, but I think being alone again is generally more rewarding. That is why I'm starting to stop dating people, though that troubles me, since I would still enjoy finding a rewarding relationship, but oh, well. Better than dating guys just to ditch them afterwards.

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  • Mysticphoenix79

    No it's not normal and yes you are in the wrong!

    I to have been abused through my lifetime! But by no means does that mean that it gives me a pass or an excuse to cause damage and hurt to other people because I know how it feels to be hurt myself! for you to sit there and use your past abuse as an excuse to hurt other people is just wrong!

    You're justifying like an addict does to use drugs!

    You get satisfaction out of it because it's a sense of control!

    What is the sense of a rush for you in excitement and very pleasing and reassuring!

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    • You misunderstood it, please take a look at my reply to Alexander. I don't do it consciously, I only noticed it afterwards. My main problem is whether I should stop alltogether and stay alone forever or keep dating. At the very least, I'm sure I'm going to be more demanding on the guys I date from now on, though I'm not that hopeful.

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  • KiwiWisdom

    Stop using people to just throw them away. Stay single if you can't handle a real relationship, you're wasting time for both of you. It doesn't make you your own person to lead people on intentionally, it makes you lonely and awful to everyone especially you. You can affirm freedom and control without abusing others, it's called loving yourself first. If you can't master that, don't bother with others. You're on the easy road to nowhere with this behavior. Stop while you can, while part of you questions it.

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    • I'm not using them. That's why I said "I thought" that was the only reward in it for me. I'm just now starting to realize that, and as I realize that, I probably won't date anyone else. Or perhaps I will, but not because I want to use people, but rather because I want to try again. I'm probably going to give up at some point, though, and I find it unlikely that I will find a relationship truly rewarding to me. Though, right now, it's that hope that stops me from cutting all my links to other people.

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  • rayb12

    Ooh ur a girl. I'm a boy but the same way. Maybe we can both reject each other and nobody gets hurt lol

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  • SmokeEverything

    You should keep certain people around, being alone in the world sucks. Most people aren't lifelong friends but there are definitely benefits to real friends.

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    • Thank you for the kind post. Sometimes I think so too, but I wonder what kind of people I should keep around. It's sad, but I'm not sure I have anyone I would call a "true friend".

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      • SmokeEverything

        Its nothing you can plan on. People who are real friends are positive to you and tend to stay around for a while. Toxic people need to be cut off.

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  • Nickvey

    what happens if you cut off a person and they get pissed , and beat you to a pulp? are you claiming that never happens to you? bullshit.

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    • What a stupid question. I don't date psychos, but if that started to happen, then I obviously would cut their throat, as self-defense laws allow me to. Even before it came to that, however, I would certainly have taken action both personally and legally against him. If he still insisted in stalking me after all that, then he deserved to die. What answer were you expecting exactly?

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      • Nickvey

        i never said you would survive , where did i imply that?

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        • Even if I die, I'm ok with it, and I have people left who can make him pay in jail.

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      • chewy

        There is no such thing as a "stupid" question.

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        • My answer remains, he would be in the wrong.

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  • Smithers

    psycho bitch.

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    • That's an overreaction.

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  • Becky95

    Ok I'm actually going to say that it's normal for some people because I used to do this!

    There are several people I dated or went on dates with who I just completely cut off contact with

    Never texted back

    Never responded to messages

    Never answered their phone calls

    I even had a few listed in my phone as "don't answer!"

    Ok I was younger and not very mature

    But I absolutely did it when I was like a junior and a senior for sure - like 100% for sure indefinitely just like totally cut people off and pretended like they did not even exist

    I'm sure that makes me a bad person

    But yeah I did it

    I know lots of other people both girls and guys who do the same thing

    So for that reason - even though I think it's bad - I still think it's normal

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    • Thank you. I also think it is bad, but, at the same time, I'm afraid of stopping dating altogether, even though no relationship is rewarding right now. I'm afraid of staying this way forever; I would really like having a rewarding experience.

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  • xfg55

    It's normal, fuck people who make you feel obligated to waste time on their bullshit. I like knowing my weekend is completely open to anything I want to do, whether it's carving up some dead girl or diddling little kids in the park.

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    • Thanks, though I hope you are joking about your hobbies or being sarcastic.

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  • Alexandertheasshat

    I'm sorry for what you've been through. I've been through some bad shit too. Think about how one of those boys will feel if they fall in love with you and you just cut it off suddenly. Heartbreak isn't fun, my dear.

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    • I treat them very well, though, and I even remain friends with them afterwards. I'm not really using them, though, as I only realized that now, and I'm currently single. I started all my relationships thanks to the hope that they would become rewarding at some point, but, in the end, that is all it eventually amounts to for me. Will I keep dating people right now? I don't know, but if I do, it will still be for hope, and I believe I will probably give up at some point. Regarding the boys, heartbreak sounds like a pet peeve to me, but I know that's because my life is messed up. Even though it's a small problem, I don't want to inflict it randomly on other people, and that is why I have never dated someone whose odds of pleasing me seemed to be 0%.

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  • CapriSun

    Yeah I think it's pretty obvious that's abnormal, I'm sure you know that too. I'm not being sarcastic but good luck to you and your future relationships

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