Is it normal to kill things when upset or hyper

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26 Comments

I'm a 17 yr old female. I identify as an animal so for a long time I have always thought my urges to attack and kill things were normal. (Eg, wolves and foxes kill, but it's natural for them because they're predators)
But recently my urges have become more sinister. I used to just chase things down and kill them as quickly as possible and then take them home to eat. Now I'm just killing just to kill. I know it's wrong, but I don't feel it's wrong. I don't feel anything except for excitement and relief. I was abused horribly as a baby and toddler and was adopted at age 4, so that might be it, but I'm not sure. I feel like Satan is following me and just waiting to possess me. Sometimes I've lost control of my body and start going nuts by shaking and growling and salivating like a rabid dog. It truly feels like rabies. It's like all the pain builds up until I no longer am myself. Most of the time I just become aggressive and mindless and talk or sing to myself when this happens, but a few times I've maintained intelligence and have done things I'm not supposed to.
I'm just mainly concerned because lately I've lost my empathy. I've always hated people, but loved animals, yet still liked to chase them. Now I don't really care about them either. I'm scared and hurt and it feels like I'm dying. I'm terrified constantly (think scared bunny about to be disembowled by a hawk), and sometimes I'll spend hours hiding under the bed. I want someone to help me but I'm scared and my adoptive mom keeps telling me I just need to fix myself. I fight with her a lot because of this. I want help and her to be my mommy but she just gets mad when I try to tell her anything. Now it like im becoming a machine. I don't just want to kill, I want my victims to feel slow, agonizing, terrifying pain. I killed 1 bird today, 2 yesterday, and 3 the day before. I didn't waste them (I gave them to my dogs as a treat), but I know god probably isn't happy about it. I used to just be a predator, now I'm a killer. I didn't hate the birds, but it felt really good killing them. It doesn't feel wrong to me, but my adoptive mother and the bible have told me that it's wrong to kill for sport. I just need to know if they're right or if it's just a normal phase that upset people go through.
Please don't respond if you're not going to help. Thanks.

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Based on 19 votes (1 yes)
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Comments ( 26 )
  • [Old Memory]
    6 years ago

    Killing animals is horrible. Please seek help.

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  • sdhfiff
    6 years ago

    Well based on my educational experience on the subject these are early signs that you may become a serial killer. I would recommend to try and seek therapy. Right now you are experiencing characteristics of a sociopathic killer. That's not normal.

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  • Pakcmon
    6 years ago

    I hope this person just kills themselved instead. You may identify as an animal, but it better be a human animal otherwise you're retarded. Shoot, i dont even like killing spiders unless its inconvenient for me to put them outside. Ants i dont care about, but i would never let any creature suffer on purpose.

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    • [Old Memory]
      6 years ago

      Don't worry. I will eventually.

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  • Syflan
    6 years ago

    Hey Cinnamonfox, you sound pretty level headed and you realize what you're doing is a problem. So much so that I want to help.
    Humans throughout the ages and still today, had to hunt animals for food, so naturally their brains had to encourage that behaviour in order to survive.
    What you're feeling when you kill something is chemicals in your brain rewarding you for that behaviour. But, you don't want to continue doing this, as it could just get worse. Try to understand this, and think about what else you're interesting in. A hobby like drawing, writing, something to channel the energy into that doesn't involve killing things.
    That's the best advice I got. Good luck to you and I'm here to talk if you have more questions.

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    • [Old Memory]
      6 years ago

      Okay, thanks!

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  • [Old Memory]
    6 years ago

    Thanks for the advice. Good to know I'm not the only one.

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  • Takuto
    6 years ago

    I guess you should probably seek medical help.
    Or live in the woods away from society, hunting for food and foraging for supplies.

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    • [Old Memory]
      6 years ago

      If I can't find help I probably will. Me and my friend are a lot alike and see ourselves as animals and we often spend time playing and scrounging around for food in the woods and streets in my area anyway. So if she says she'll come with me, we'll probably both go wild together. If she doesn't come I really don't have a purpose to maintain hope anymore and I'll just run away into the forest and not think anymore.

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      • Takuto
        6 years ago

        I'd enjoy it if you continued thinking. Your thought processes are odd but intriguing to say the least. I hope you don't end up hurting someone but hearing about your animal like nature is interesting.
        Have you learnt how to skin an animal and other hunting techniques?
        Additionally how do you hunt and what's the largest animal you've caught?

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        • [Old Memory]
          6 years ago

          I haven't skinned an animal sadly but I'd like to learn. I have harvested skulls off road kill though. Legally speaking I've only done fishing. But in general I've killed animals up to the size or rabbits and deer fawns. I'm not allowed to be around firearms so full grown deer would be pretty hard to actually catch and kill on my own. I've gone after sheep before but never actually killed one because the owners came out and ran me off. I kill either by using a knife or attacking sensitive areas with my teeth if I don't have one.

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          • Takuto
            6 years ago

            I wouldn't recommend using a gun because I feel as though this could lead you to harming humans. Personally I recommend professional help as this isn't considered normal. Attempting to live out in the wild could be drastically terrible and you could end up dying.
            Unless you know how to make a fire, build a house and cook meat in the wild you're screwed. And that's not mentioning disease, poisonous berries and other dangers of living in the wild.

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            • [Old Memory]
              6 years ago

              I don't really care if I die. I do know a lot about foraging for plants and building shelter though, but building fire without matches and such I still need to work on. You can actually eat a lot of species of fish raw but meat you need to be careful of. I have eaten meat raw, but that's because I don't really care what happens.

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  • NashamaTheWeird
    6 years ago

    You need to tell your adoptive parents about this. These urges are not normal and can become very dangerous if you don't get help.

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    • [Old Memory]
      6 years ago

      I have. They don't believe me. They just say I need to pray more.

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      • NashamaTheWeird
        6 years ago

        Then talk to someone else, like a school guidance counselor.

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  • RoseIsabella
    6 years ago

    What if you catch mites?

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    • [Old Memory]
      6 years ago

      ??

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  • [Old Memory]
    6 years ago

    I'm sorry :( Please don't be mad.

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    • S12207
      6 years ago

      Its not about being mad, the whole situation is sad. Not being an ass, you really need help. Do you have any support besides your adoptive mother?

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      • [Old Memory]
        6 years ago

        I have my adoptive father but he scares me so I try not to talk to him. He doesn't really seem to have feelings anyway so it's hard to read him, so I'd rather not talk to him. I have my best friend but she's even younger than me and not anywhere near as screwed up inside and I don't want to risk losing her. I've called hotlines before but they have either just demanded to talk to my parents or have called the police, which results in my parents getting extremely angry with me. So I can't do that anymore either. I've had friends online but my parents are super religious and believe talking to people who are not in the same religion is spiritually dangerous, which I get but they go a little extreme with it. So I really don't know. I'm going to keep nagging my mom and she'll probably eventually get me a therapist I'm hoping. I've had therapists before but they cost a lot of money and many of them just push me to see other therapists because they don't know how to help. So I don't know. Are you a girl or boy?

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        • S12207
          6 years ago

          I'm a female. Check out the link below and really give it a shot. I'm not saying it's going to work overnight or anything, but it's a great thing to practice especially if you have no support financially, or with friends and family. There's alot of classes you can try for free on like YouTube. Meditation is alot more powerful than alot of people give credit to. Do your research and learn the techniques and see which ones work best for you.

          https://kripalu.org/resources/healing-power-yoga

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          • [Old Memory]
            6 years ago

            Ok

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  • Ratmanstand
    6 years ago

    Please show this post to your adoptive mother. You need to be committed to a locked ward. This post will help her facilitate this.

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    • [Old Memory]
      6 years ago

      I was in one once. They didn't care. They just shoved pills down my throat and terrorized me by sticking needles in my arm whenever I cried. I asked mom for a therapist but she thinks I'm just being dramatic and that I need to toughen up. Plus I don't want to sit in a cell forever. I want to be a good person and do things with my life.

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