Is it normal to just feel that you are just a piece of stale gum

Life as I know things seem to have too many disappointments and really from being in primary school when being the only boy at the age age of 6 getting kicked in the male area, everyday, to me moving to another primary school where, I developed lying to people, just so that that would like me.

Then its the down ward spiral of being bullied in secondary school and having an obsessive crush on a girl to the point of seven years then getting GCSE fails and dad being, just not bering nice. Basically ordering me around to do things for him even to lift up a glass of water, or just make him a bacardi and coke.

Having only had one Girlfriend and losing my virginity at the age of 26 and then getting ordered by hert to do things and giving me lists, in kind she would give me affection! Thewn telling me that she wants a one stand after three years of the relationship and me providing as much as I can. Is this all normal??

I asking myself when will I at the age of 30 now have a job that I like a woman that will share everything and I can relate to. I feel so soo alone and depressed at times even self fornication cannot get rid of my self hatred. I wish there was some kind of help for me. Are these thoughts in my head normal, I ask???