Is it normal to hold on too tight...?

90% Normal
11 Comments

Three years ago a friend of mine committed suicide. Though it does not interfere with my everyday life, I think about him often. Too often, it seems. Daily. I still find myself asking "Why?"
And it's not as if I've never lost anyone before. I've lost all of my grandparents; my best friend from childhood died of MS four years ago; my boyfriend died in a car accident two years ago. Besides my boyfriend, who I also think about on a daily basis, I seem to have the most trouble living with his death. I can only guess that I have problems dealing with the fact that it was suicide. Is it normal to be still so hung up on someone who died several years ago?

Voting Results
90% Normal
Based on 67 votes (60 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    Wow you have had quite a bit of trauma over the last few years with your 2 friends and boyfriend as well. My condolences.

    Its much easier said then done, but you have to always try to move on. Understand and accept that the person committing suicide has just had enough of life and really yearns for the peace that death ultimately is. Though okay physically, mentally they are in absolute anguish and are as injured as any person can be. He didnt do it to get away from you or because of anything you did, it was because he had just had enough of the broken world we all share together.

    Cut yourself some slack and realize it was something completely and totally beyond your control that this happened. There was nothing that you could have done at all. And as much as you miss this person, they are finally at peace.

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  • Charmo
    12 years ago

    Did he leave a note? That might explain his reason why.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      He did. Only his parents, ex-girlfriend, and older sibling were allowed to read it. The only thing that I'm sure it said, via his mother, was that he didn't want any funeral services.

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      • Charmo
        12 years ago

        Have you ever tried asking any of them about it? Considering how much this has affected you, I'm assuming you were pretty close to him, so I don't think you'd be coming across as nosy by inquiring. And if they do ask why you need to know, just be honest: For closure.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          12 years ago

          I asked his brother once and his response was "Don't ever ask me that again". I didn't take it personally, considering that I understood how fragile a ground I was treading. Thank you so much for this conversation. I greatly appreciate your words.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    You might just be a very serious and sensitive-feeling person, OP. I don't think there is anything wrong with that, by the way. I know this post is year old, but if you see this message, how are you doing, OP?

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  • tcarr50
    12 years ago

    A girl I met 12 years ago who told me just hold on loosely if u cling to tightly your gonna lose control. Best advice

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  • Brad07305
    12 years ago

    You're still grieving. It's normal. Maybe talking with a therapist would help? There aren't easy answers for everything.

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  • krysee
    12 years ago

    Cuz a suicide is harder to get over than something that has a natural reason.. I find

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  • Its_Called_Love
    12 years ago

    My mom committed suicide last year, its not fun. I still think about her daily. :) Nothing to do about it, I guess...

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      I find a strange bond with people who have gone through the grieving process following suicide. It's such a different experience, and all I have to offer is that I'm quite sorry we have this in common.

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