Is it normal to hold a grudge for so long...?

91% Normal
4 Comments

Recently I have been having continuous thoughts of hatred for this one person. It’s been over three months, and I still have constant evil thoughts of this person. We used to be in a relationship and it ended really messy. I treated him with nthing but respect and there was nothing I woul not do for this person. He never appreciated me, and he slowly started to make me unhappy.
I thought we were in a monogamous relationship, I was, but he was not!Once his den of lies were brought to light, he acts as if it’s ok for him to have treated me like he did. Now that we no longer have contact, when our paths do cross, he acts as if we were perfect strangers. This person hurt me so deeply, and I can’t get past the fact that I want something bad to happen to him. I have tried to pray about the situation, ask for forgiveness every time, I have these thoughts. But nothing seems to help. I still think about this person all the time. What is wrong with me, why is he constantly on my mind. I admit, I was in love with him. Is this twisted or what? Is it hatred? Is it self-pity or low-esteem? Why can't I forgive myself, admit I made a mistake, and move on. I don’t know why I can’t move on and forget this person or how he treated me.

Voting Results
91% Normal
Based on 34 votes (31 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • meadow1
    13 years ago

    Three months is nothing, give it three years

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  • mprocida
    13 years ago

    I have been holding a grudge for 5 years

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  • CraneyCrow
    13 years ago

    There's nothing wrong with holding a grude. Like the old Mafia bosses used to say: "Revenge is best served cold."

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  • SassyFrassyLassie_old
    13 years ago

    I think feeling betrayal, hurt, anger because of the way your relationship ended is perfectly natural. To add to that frustration, you've never been able to let him know how angry he made you. You want payback for being victimized.

    Time will help; it can take 6 months to two years to feel good or normal about it again.

    Since getting even could land you in jail, my next suggestion to relieve some of your anger would be to start making yourself busy to take your mind off of it. Dwelling will only make you feel worse than you already do. Accept this bad situation as a learning experience in your life.

    Accept the pain/anger as a part of life & being an active participant in your life, and then be willing to give yourself a break; you made a mistake dating him - and that's fine, that's what life is about. If you can find at least one positive thing that you learned (for example; you are now more aware of how important fidelity is in a mate), then you'll be well on your way to healing.

    Hang in there.

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