is it normal to have to force yourself to be happy

What the?? I didn't get a notice for this. Anyway, I'm bipolar, I don't take any meds anymore. I just smoke a lil weed a few times a day to keep from getting too cranky or pissed off or sad or whatever. Shit happens in my life sometimes that makes me pretty depressed or angry and I have to talk myself out of the mood. I just tell myself that its not worth it, I'm wasting my time being sad, mad, whatever, when I have a family that cares and friends who I can talk to if I need to. I've been on so many differnet meds in the past and the side effects are just bullshit. One made me so sick to my stomach, one made me shake so badly, a few made me lose my sex drive, some make you gain weight, it just goes on and on. That's why I still smoke. That's my med of choice. Not right for everyone, but it does wonders for me :)