Is it normal to have this fantasy?

It's me, Tinybird here. For a year or two, I have been having this fantasy in my head, which I envision in my head as like an animation, particularly when I'm listening to music, and especially when I am feeling sad or someone has said something horrible to me. This is the fantasy in question: I am standing on a tall building, wearing a cape which is blowing out behind me. Lots of people down below are looking from below. And then I jump from the building and fall to my death, resulting in my "heroic s****de." Because I feel like a bad person or a villain for things I have NO control over, and people teat me as such, I view this as me finally being able to be the "hero", by ridding the world of my "evil" existence.
I imagine this many times, in fact most times that I listen to music no matter the song. But especially the song "Ruru's s*****e show on a livestream song", which I came up with the scenario while listening to the middle instrumental part of the song.
I obviously have no intentions of actually ending myself, but I have this fantasy scenario play out in my head almost every day, of watching my "heroic s*****e" of me jumping off a building while wearing a cape. Is this normal?

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 9 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • What would happen if you fantasized about jumping but flying away? Like soaring above all the assholes? That's something I've fantasized about. They can't touch me in my happy place.

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  • I think you search for validation too much even if you dont realize it. Thats probably the root of your problem. If you want to do something just do it you dont have to justify it to others and get them to tell you its normal.

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  • It's normal and disgusting! It's negative thinking, you should think all is going to be good the way you act.

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  • Have you considered getting a good therapist? You can vent to them all the thoughts and feelings you say you have no control over. It might help you feel happier and have less suicidal idealations. I don't know the rules where you live but here in the states a therapist isn't allowed to tell any of the things you say to them to your parents, your siblings, friends, or anyone else. My boyfriend goes to a therapist twice a week. His dumbass family has called the therapist to get into on what he says there, and each time they were given nothing.

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    • Well yesterday me and my mum were doing a therapy session together called the "ACT" model. Where you write down the things you're worried/depressed about and then write how it makes you feel. You allow the feeling to come, but you say "my mind is telling me that..." instead of "I am.." (My brother is a therapist in a prison.) I think it helped to talk about how I felt within that way. Because I got to write exactly how I was feeling and why, and then discuss it. Normally when I try to talk in person about my feelings, I break down in tears every time. I also wouldn't feel comfortable telling everything I feel to a different person, simply because of one of the problems I have, but my mum knows about it and were trying to work through it.

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      • A therapist brother in the family that helps is good. Your mother helping you with your problems is also good.

        Some people who idealize suicide eventually want to do it. If there's a way to change your fantasy into something with a nicer ending, that would probably be ideal.

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