I think it's because you seem to derive your self esteem from your looks. You're getting your sense of who you are and self-confidence from an external thing. You equate being 'good enough' with being 'sexy' and 'desirable' which is a terrible way to value yourself because there will always be someone sexier than you.
It's also based on comparing yourself to others and this type of thinking is always going to make you unhappy.
You might feel good sometimes, if people look at you or you feel like the prettiest in the room etc. But there are also times when you don't feel as pretty/attractive as others (like the semi-plastic porn stars you saw). I can only guess that when you are with your boyfriend you feel inadequate because you might be comparing yourself to some ideal image you think he has.
You're self esteem needs to be based on something more concrete, rather than just looks. There is more to you than that.
Is it normal to have no self confidence/esteem around my boyfriend?
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I think it's because you seem to derive your self esteem from your looks. You're getting your sense of who you are and self-confidence from an external thing. You equate being 'good enough' with being 'sexy' and 'desirable' which is a terrible way to value yourself because there will always be someone sexier than you.
It's also based on comparing yourself to others and this type of thinking is always going to make you unhappy.
You might feel good sometimes, if people look at you or you feel like the prettiest in the room etc. But there are also times when you don't feel as pretty/attractive as others (like the semi-plastic porn stars you saw). I can only guess that when you are with your boyfriend you feel inadequate because you might be comparing yourself to some ideal image you think he has.
You're self esteem needs to be based on something more concrete, rather than just looks. There is more to you than that.