I don't think you're being intentionally predatory, but I do think you don't love your boyfriend nearly as much as habit makes you think you do. You said yourself that circumstances are preventing you from moving out and that it's a sexless relationship, so it's no wonder that your mind is casting about frantically for something -- and someone -- that is satisfying to you. Your brain is craving stimulation, and your BF isn't giving it to you even if you're in the habit of believing you love him.
There's something about roleplay, especially roleplay in a limited environment like an online game or fan community, that can really suck you in if you're dissatisfied with your personal life. Because you only see the things you want to see in it, it looks perfect. However, there's little substance to it. You're trying to sustain yourself on it, but it's unsustainable. You're starving emotionally, and to fill yourself up, you're consuming things with no nutritional value, psychologically speaking.
You also need to consider the fact that you're using others as tools. You aren't interested in any kind of relationship with them, as you say yourself; however, other people's feelings can get tangled, and you might encounter someone who develops feelings for you, or at least for the you who roleplays a particular fantasy or writes a particular fan fiction.
You deserve better than a relationship with no sexual spark. HE deserves better, for that matter. Love is more than a roommate who shares your taste in TV shows and whose privates you occasionally handle. It really is better to be alone and free than with someone who's an emotional place-holder for you.
Free yourself and him from an unromantic and sexless pairing, and you'll find that roleplaying won't have the same hold on you.
Another temporary solution might be to look for other groups with more mature roleplayers. You'd probably find it more to your liking anyway, and you wouldn't feel like a prowling cougar. It'd be a stop-gap, but it's still better than feeling out of place in your online community and in your own home with your boyfriend.
IIN to have much younger friends / feelings for fictional characters?
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I don't think you're being intentionally predatory, but I do think you don't love your boyfriend nearly as much as habit makes you think you do. You said yourself that circumstances are preventing you from moving out and that it's a sexless relationship, so it's no wonder that your mind is casting about frantically for something -- and someone -- that is satisfying to you. Your brain is craving stimulation, and your BF isn't giving it to you even if you're in the habit of believing you love him.
There's something about roleplay, especially roleplay in a limited environment like an online game or fan community, that can really suck you in if you're dissatisfied with your personal life. Because you only see the things you want to see in it, it looks perfect. However, there's little substance to it. You're trying to sustain yourself on it, but it's unsustainable. You're starving emotionally, and to fill yourself up, you're consuming things with no nutritional value, psychologically speaking.
You also need to consider the fact that you're using others as tools. You aren't interested in any kind of relationship with them, as you say yourself; however, other people's feelings can get tangled, and you might encounter someone who develops feelings for you, or at least for the you who roleplays a particular fantasy or writes a particular fan fiction.
You deserve better than a relationship with no sexual spark. HE deserves better, for that matter. Love is more than a roommate who shares your taste in TV shows and whose privates you occasionally handle. It really is better to be alone and free than with someone who's an emotional place-holder for you.
Free yourself and him from an unromantic and sexless pairing, and you'll find that roleplaying won't have the same hold on you.
Another temporary solution might be to look for other groups with more mature roleplayers. You'd probably find it more to your liking anyway, and you wouldn't feel like a prowling cougar. It'd be a stop-gap, but it's still better than feeling out of place in your online community and in your own home with your boyfriend.