Is it normal to have intense sexual fantasies about an ex-girlfriend?

91% Normal
6 Comments

"Jamie" and I dated for 2.5 years. She broke it off over 5 years ago. We are still friends, and she is dating another man. She is much more conservative, sexually, than I am. But I fantasize about her having a completely different sexual personality, completely open to anything. I've written short stories about her having different sexual personas, so to speak. Sometimes I feel that I can't get her out of my head, but, I like her in my head. I am 53 years old now, and she is 49.

Is It Normal?
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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago | pl

    It's normal to have the fantasies but I think writing the stories may be taking it too far because it would be unhealthy to obsess and writing stories about your ex is a sign on obsession which is the opposite of moving on. You should invent a fictional character to write about so that you are not stuck on someone real that probably won't happen.

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    • paul737
      10 years ago | pl

      I agree with you too, though, that writing about her and be considered obsessive. I have written about fictional characters too, but it's not nearly as fun or arousing as writing about her.

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  • quentari
    10 years ago | pl

    It's okay so long as it isn't interfering with your life or stopping you from moving on.

    Sounds like you aren't 100% over her though

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    • paul737
      10 years ago | pl

      I do feel that I have moved on, to a point I guess...it's kind of a blurry feeling. I have had fairly long relationships with three other women since her, but still, she is the one etched into my mind.

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  • paul737
    10 years ago | pl

    You're right, too...we can't help who we are attracted to. I think part of it is knowing she is with another man now, for a couple of years...The thoughts of her sleeping with him, or any other man...and her really letting go, just floods my mind.
    I try to get her out of my head, I really do...but it's difficult.

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  • Paradiddle
    10 years ago | pl

    Just like others have said, I feel this is normal as I have thought about previous girls like that too. Just not quite as frequent and intense as you have. I know we can't help who we are attracted to but since she is with someone else, I would certainly try to get her image out of your head and focus on something else for a while. It'll be better for you and you can focus your efforts on other hobbies or hopefully even another person eventually.

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