There is a word for this in my language. Not the whole situation but what you are feeling: A sense of unreasonable guilt at your expense.
Yes, it is normal for someone to be taken advantage of.
Yes, it is normal for you to feel this way.
Yes and no for your last question.
I suppose this is almost how a rape victim would feel like. In addition, you probably felt even worse because it was almost, in a sense, "consented rape." You could have stopped this from happening but was too weak to. You were much too kind and continued the episode because you did not want to disappoint. Note that what I have just said was all my opinion. It does not reflect truth but is simply offered as suggestion. You want comfort but is too ashamed to confess. The comfort you yearn for would be a persuasion that you aren't tainted. An assurance that will "purify yourself" and rid of all the trauma. Locking this up may inspired hatred towards this man and disgust towards yourself. What will you do with all that? You may unintentionally hurt yourself or direct this hatred towards someone else. I assume that because I doubt you'd want to confront this man again. If you can handle keeping this in without deteriorating yourself, do so. However, if you can forgive yourself and stop yourself from self-abhorrance, move on from this, that'd be great. Do not allow a "next time" to happen or place yourself within these situations again. Wash the bad taste off your mouth and the after taste will disappear within time. Do not waste yourself in the shadow of this deceiving stranger. If you continue being repulsive of yourself, how can you expect to support yourself though this?
Is it normal to have had sex with a guy 30 years older than me?
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There is a word for this in my language. Not the whole situation but what you are feeling: A sense of unreasonable guilt at your expense.
Yes, it is normal for someone to be taken advantage of.
Yes, it is normal for you to feel this way.
Yes and no for your last question.
I suppose this is almost how a rape victim would feel like. In addition, you probably felt even worse because it was almost, in a sense, "consented rape." You could have stopped this from happening but was too weak to. You were much too kind and continued the episode because you did not want to disappoint. Note that what I have just said was all my opinion. It does not reflect truth but is simply offered as suggestion. You want comfort but is too ashamed to confess. The comfort you yearn for would be a persuasion that you aren't tainted. An assurance that will "purify yourself" and rid of all the trauma. Locking this up may inspired hatred towards this man and disgust towards yourself. What will you do with all that? You may unintentionally hurt yourself or direct this hatred towards someone else. I assume that because I doubt you'd want to confront this man again. If you can handle keeping this in without deteriorating yourself, do so. However, if you can forgive yourself and stop yourself from self-abhorrance, move on from this, that'd be great. Do not allow a "next time" to happen or place yourself within these situations again. Wash the bad taste off your mouth and the after taste will disappear within time. Do not waste yourself in the shadow of this deceiving stranger. If you continue being repulsive of yourself, how can you expect to support yourself though this?