Is it normal to have had sex with a guy 30 years older than me?

I'm sorry you were taken advantage of and you didn't feel like you had the power to leave the situation.

This is going to hurt you for a while and you'll always look back on it with regret.

When I was young, I'd got myself into a couple of situations similar to yours, but fortunately I escaped at the last minute where you didn't. Even still, I felt tainted by it and I can't imagine just how deeply horrible you're feeling right now.

I want you to know that you should forgive yourself for not standing up to him. He took advantage of your naivete and he's a fucking slimeball. Don't blame yourself for not putting up enough resistance to him. He should have known better, especially at his age.

You've learned this lesson the hard way and I know you won't do the same thing again in the future. If you are still having troubles with this in a few weeks, maybe see a counsellor to work through the feelings of guilt.

The age difference doesn't matter.

It sounds like you were lonely and tried to use sex to fill the void. Even to the point of ignoring your own instincts.

This doesn't make you a monster.

It just makes you a woman who knows a little bit more about what she likes and doesn't like.

So now, when you are faced with a similar decision you have experience to help guide you to an answer that's a better fit for you.

There is a word for this in my language. Not the whole situation but what you are feeling: A sense of unreasonable guilt at your expense.
Yes, it is normal for someone to be taken advantage of.
Yes, it is normal for you to feel this way.
Yes and no for your last question.
I suppose this is almost how a rape victim would feel like. In addition, you probably felt even worse because it was almost, in a sense, "consented rape." You could have stopped this from happening but was too weak to. You were much too kind and continued the episode because you did not want to disappoint. Note that what I have just said was all my opinion. It does not reflect truth but is simply offered as suggestion. You want comfort but is too ashamed to confess. The comfort you yearn for would be a persuasion that you aren't tainted. An assurance that will "purify yourself" and rid of all the trauma. Locking this up may inspired hatred towards this man and disgust towards yourself. What will you do with all that? You may unintentionally hurt yourself or direct this hatred towards someone else. I assume that because I doubt you'd want to confront this man again. If you can handle keeping this in without deteriorating yourself, do so. However, if you can forgive yourself and stop yourself from self-abhorrance, move on from this, that'd be great. Do not allow a "next time" to happen or place yourself within these situations again. Wash the bad taste off your mouth and the after taste will disappear within time. Do not waste yourself in the shadow of this deceiving stranger. If you continue being repulsive of yourself, how can you expect to support yourself though this?

ewww

(looks like this is a very old thread actually... so I don't know who revived it - hope it turned out ok for the original poster)

On top of all that, the age difference between a middle-aged adult and a teenage makes for a big power difference so that makes it even less consensual. Really, all the blame lies with him, not you. There's no reason for you to think about what you *should* have done because this guy was a predator... he should have treated you differently. You did nothing wrong. I promise.

You said stop *and* he moved your arms... I really think it would be fair of you to consider this rape. Acquiescence isn't consent. He knew you were uncomfortable and he continued anyway, that's sexual assault. Either way, you did nothing wrong. I don't know if you could prosecute this (though it might be worth trying) but at the very least, please go easy on yourself. You aren't made dirty, evil or bad but the horrible actions of someone else. He's a scummy sleazebag.

Obviously you sound quite sincere.
You need to accept it happened and move on.
Why you went to him in the first place shows your naivety, and mixed emotions of not wanting to be alone.
Try to control your sexual feelings, ideally meet some girls your age and start to form a network of friends.
All is not lost from what has happened, people have moved on from much worse first dates.
I'd ask you over for a 'chat', but I think you may be a bit more reserved on blind dates in future.
Ideally go back home.

I can say yes I have gone through the whole ordeal. N no it's not normal it sux ALOT n wrecks your whole self esteem): idk what advice to give you expect a big hug)): my boyfriend is supportive of me n always tells me it's not my fault :/ it's not your fault honey don't ever think that!! It's in the past just forget him! Forget the whole night n block it from your mind n move on. It was a bad one night stand n you shouldn't torture yourself by reliving the memories)):

This is very wrong for at least two or three different reasons.

And no, you're clearly not "awful;" at the most you're just stupid. Try to be more assertive next time, okay?