Is it normal to hate yourself because of your sexual orientation?

I've been raised in church all my life. My parents are strict baptist fundamentalists and they drag me to church with them 3 times a week. When I said something about it they pretty much said "get over it or get out of the house".

For a very long time, I've been attracted to other guys. Not in a relationship way, but in a "He's hot" kind of way. I feel the same way about women. Until recently, I always just supressed it and ignored it, but I feel like it's something I need to confront. I've never talked about this with anyone, mainly because I don't have anyone I could trust with it.

I'm not really sure what I believe anymore. I believe that if there is a God out there, he knew I would be this way. Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could change it any more than I could change my skin color or eye color. At the same time, it goes against everything I was taught to believe in and I feel disgusted with myself.

There's a lot of things I don't agree with in the church and I feel like I need to decide for myself what I believe even if it means breaking away, but I don't really know how.

My parents would never accept me for who I am because of this, among other things (if they knew what was on my iPod they'd probably throw me out over that alone). I've thought about coming out to my one and only best friend, but I don't know if there's any point in it.

Is it normal to feel this conflicted about one's sexuality?

Voting Results
78% Normal
Based on 110 votes (86 yes)
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Comments ( 31 )
  • dappled

    Taking the words of any faith too literally can cause problems. I'm not suggesting "picking and choosing" what you take from religion, but there has to be some common sense in a changing world.

    Nearly all religious people practice the modern custom of their religion as opposed to the original, ancient texts. Most faiths are becoming more "tolerant" of people's sexuality. If yours isn't yet there, it will be one day. This is the direction of things and we can only live for the present and the future; not for the past.

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  • aussiewolf

    well if your parents will kick you out for being gay then its time for you to get a job and move out. then you can do whatever and whoever you like under your own roof.

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  • tsung

    you remind me the movie call Prayer for Bobby. You should watch it. You and him are in the same situation.

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    • I finally got around to watching it. Good movie, but I learned a long time ago to take my pain and redirect it. If anything, I'd snap and hurt one of my parents before I ever considered suicide.

      I'll probably just keep it to myself until I move out. My mother wouldn't agree with it but she'd still love me. My father would probably despise me, like he did my aunt when she came out of the closet a few years ago. He'd also expect me to "find a cure" if I was going to stay in his house, which isn't gonna happen (even if it could, I wouldn't take it. I am what I am).

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  • wreckd

    It is considered a sin to be gay if you're a Christian. BUT! The fact is, Jesus died for ALL of our sins. I assume you're saved so just try to keep your faith. It doesn't matter what your parents say, respect them but know that in this, they are not right.

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  • OH NO!! You were born gay, and you'll be gay your whole life, so EMBRACE IT!! That's not to say you have to prance around screaming it at everyone, but you know what I mean. Those religious people are all wrong. They think god doesn't like gay people. But if god creates everything on Earth why'd he make you gay?? (I'm not religious at ALL but I think this is what they believe, right?) Their entire logic is pathetic and you have the right to be attracted to whatever you want! =D

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  • Do not blame religion. I'm sure nowhere God says that being gay is a sin; it most likely is a misinterpretation of the Bible (as with many other things). Overall, God preaches many good things, and they should not be ignored. Some things are rather ridiculous though, and they are most likely in fact misinterpretations. I mean, why would you be born this way if it was a sin? Don't abandon your religion though just because of a few "rules" you don't agree with. Too many have too few good in them left.

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  • missmeow

    Oh religion. It's such a hate creator. Faith doesn't need to be tied to a religion or book. Try having faith in yourself and love. It's easy and much more fulfilling than a "god".

    As for your sexuality, I would suggest keeping it to yourself for now. It is really no ones business who you're attracted to. Once you are able to live ad support yourself you will be happier. Everyone goes through that whether they are straight or gay. It's about living your life and breaking free from parents and finding your own way. It's hard for everyone, but it will be okay.

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  • chewy

    i would hate to be you i hate church

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    • chewy

      plus i dont believe in anything

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  • Seravy

    Just become atheist like me :3

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    • chewy

      we should join forces

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    • and me! =]

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  • "God" loves ALL of the children. And he made YOU in HIS image. So love yourself. :) It's what God wants if that is true.

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  • peterr2

    If you want to suck a cock then do it! You will like it for sure.

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  • mrcwren

    I was born and raised a strict catholic. After a while I decided to move away from that faith. Now in my later years, I not only have I been attracted to men, but their cocks. I actually long to have a cock in my mouth and my ass. I do enjoy the taste of a mans cum. And yes, I do swallow it. I do watch porn but I like to view man to man movies, wishing that it were me being filmed..

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  • itmehninz

    Ok ok I'm sorry but I don't get this ' religious' shit ok so what you like guys? Your parents should except that and you should tell them so! God would stand by your side!

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  • JuneB

    It's normal, but not good. If you're gay, you're gay. You can't change that. Your faith, however, IS something that you choose. You can still be religious, there are plenty of churches that accept gay members. If you decide religion isn't for you, that's alright too.

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  • GeekiTheBrave

    tell your parents i said to go fuck themselves

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  • Nhunka

    Gosh, ive just read some comments, and realized that gays cant change because straight people tell them they cant ('you were born this way', 'you cant change', 'you have to accept it')
    If you believe that you can change, if you realize that some evil people want you to be gay, then you will become straight.dont listen to these infidels. The bible does say that homosexuality is sinful. Find the story of Sodom (i dont know the bible well) but the Quran clearly states that it is forbidden to sleep with men an the punishment is death. So people who say that homosexuality isnt denounced in the Bible are just ignorant

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    • GeekiTheBrave

      your a fucking bitch. how dare you say anything. i will have you know that you are completly corrupt and i hope you die. god is not real. if he was then why do little kids die in the hospital from cancer they were born with. i was in the hospital for cancer. i know. and if god existed then how come people die from fighting for him. i hope your son ends up gay so you learn your sinful thoughts.

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  • brittbrat

    @tsung this also reminds me of prayers for Bobby, great movie I hope his parents strong disapproval doesnt drive hom 2 do wat Bobby did

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  • PaulSheldon

    If your parents TRULY love you, they would accept you for who you are. If they're not open-minded enough to see past your sexuality, and see you for the wonderful person that you are, then they're just selfish and are mostly concerned about themselves.

    Everybody has their own Principles and Belief System, but no person should believe in something so strongly to the point that they're willing to belittle and/or shut out an innocent loved one.

    Your parents can dislike the fact that you're gay all they want, in fact, they have the right to hate it if they'd like, but they should AT LEAST accept it. It's a part of who you are, and it's not going to change.

    Be yourself and don't ever let people make you feel like you don't deserve the same kind of happiness they do. You weren't put on this Earth to cater to people and to please everyone.

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  • If you love God, you will obey him instead of your own flesh. That does not mean you have to "stop" being gay; it's probably not even possible. A person with anger issues may not be able to change himself, but that doesn't mean it's acceptable for him to murder people. Being gay is not an excuse to engage in sinful conduct.

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  • missmeow

    Oh religion. It's such a hate creator. Faith doesn't need to be tied to a religion or book. Try having faith in yourself and love. It's easy and much more fulfilling than a "god".

    As for your sexuality, I would suggest keeping it to yourself for now. It is really no ones business who you're attracted to. Once you are able to live and support yourself you will be happier. Everyone goes through that whether they are straight or gay. It's about living your life and breaking free from parents and finding your own way. It's hard for everyone, but it will be okay.

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  • BoredGuy

    its all cool man, there is no god. just don't have kids.

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  • sheilarae1987

    Well, if you're still under your parents roof, I'd advise keeping up the charade of keeping them happy until you're financially secure enough to leave the nest, and then leave and break the bad news and if they feel the same as they do now, then to hell with them.

    A parent should provide their child with unconditional love, despite their sexual orientation, teach them a lesson.

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  • DefinitelyNotNormal89

    This sounds a lot like the book Jeanette Winterson- Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit.

    I feel awfully sorry for you and I think "coming out" is extremely difficult, especially if your parents don't accept it.
    My best friend came out when she was 17, she got kicked out of her home for it and she lost a few friends over it. Over time people accepted her (her mother doesn't like it at all but she's accepts it although they still don't talk about it) and although it took a long time she is now completely herself and is happy in life.
    When you hide something like this to yourself you can't 100% be happy because you're not being you. Your parents wont like it at all but are you living your life or theirs? At the end of the day they're your parents, they should love you no matter what. It may take a long time but in time they should accept it. I think eventually you will be forced to just tell them, you'll have had enough of hiding and you'll get to the point where you'll think "if they accept it then great, if not oh well".
    And I agree- God made you that way. You're not a horrible person and you're not harming other people so why should your sexual orientation stop God loving you?
    This is your life and you only get one shot at it and if you're not happy what is the point? I can only imagine how difficult this is so I wish you all the best =) good luck

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  • buckman

    If you don't accept yourself, love yourself and stand up for yourself, no one will. Be you. Don't worry about finding your way, MAKE your way. Find a job, save up some money, find a couple of roommates and live. Just live, take care of you and don't worry what people think of you. I know it'll be hard, but you can't let fear hold you back. If you like boys and girls, there is nothing wrong with that. We should love people for who they are, not what they are. <3

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  • FurcadianAddict

    HOW TO CHANGE SKIN COLOUR: Get a tan.

    HOW TO CHANGE EYE COLOUR: Qear awesome conact lenses.

    Got any better things to change?

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  • Nhunka

    Dont believe what the media says that gays dont choose to be gay. God gave us all freedom of choice, being gay is a choice no matter what they say. Moreover, it is an abominable sin,but as long as you resist your temptation to the same sex God will help you, you just have to pray to him and have a sincere wish to become straight. Good luck

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