Is it normal to hate yourself and because you're a virgin at 23?

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I'm male, 23 and a virgin with a lot of sexual shame. I'm terrified of approaching a girl in a club because i'll get rejected and laughed at and humiliated. It's even worse approaching women in public, i literally can't ask for directions because i don't feel worthy to talk to women and i'll be rebuked for daring to do so.
I don't have a problem getting attention, it's escalating it to sex that bothers me. I lose sleep over this and it's really killing me.

When i was about 8 i attempted to have sex with my sister and seeing my mum coming in was what stopped me. I also attempted to have sex with a girl who lived across the street from me when i was about 9. None of these were successful thankfully.

I have massive difficulties in this area and whenever a girl shows me she likes me, i just hate myself and wish i could just die. If things start to go good for me, i just self destruct and sabotage everything. I'll get horny and really want sex, but if the situation presents itself then i just panic and freeze.

There's a really sexy woman at church i want to sleep with but i'm afraid of being humiliated in public and screamed at by her for daring to approach her and making my intentions known. I guess im lusting after her. Is this normal to be this ashamed of sexual desires? Do women even like sex or is it something they use to control and punish men with?

I got this girl's number and i wanna ask her out for a date but im afraid she'll say yes. I don't know how i'd handle it being a virgin. I'm desperate to lose it; should i pay an escort?

Is It Normal?
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  • adiaphorousaardvark
    7 years ago | pl

    Yes. I can relate to most of what you are talking about. I'm your age and have the same thoughts. My advice is to go for it. I typically will not approach a girl in a club, because I think she will say no. This, however, is not unreasonable, because I have had my fair share of rejection. Unless I feel strongly about something like "I have to dance with this girl, she's really cute," or "I have to ask this girl out or I'll end up regretting it," do I act on my thoughts. You must have confidence, though. If someone rejects you, you have to forget about it. It's one person. There are others that will say yes. You shouldn't panic in a sexual situation, because if the person wants you, they really want you. They won't care about you being a virgin (it's also not necessary to mention this to the person you're about to have sex with), because they are hooked on sexual thoughts at the time. Confidence is attractive to people, and if you act with confidence when approaching a girl or when a sexual situation arises it will work in your favor usually, provided that you don't get down on yourself because of simple rejection. Everybody gets rejected and there are a lot more people than will let on who experience what you do. I can't advise you on how to acquire confidence. There has to be something in your life that makes you feel confident about yourself. Use it. It works in all aspects of life: work, relationships, sports, academics, music. Trust me. You will feel worse knowing that you didn't act on things you wanted, than when you are in the midst of a tough romantic decision. Again, trust me.

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  • thegypsysailor
    8 years ago | pl

    I would suggest volunteering at an animal or homeless shelter, or the zoo. You would be much more likely to meet a caring giving girl in those settings than at some club. Many girls go to clubs to be seen, but not necessarily to hook up. They love to entice, play games, but rarely put out. These are the ones who love to tease. There are ways to get it done in a club situation, but it's hard work and requires a lot of confidence.
    No, find situations where the girls are real, uncomplicated and open. Join them in political activism and volunteer work, as I said.
    Quickly and easily is just luck, but being in the right place at the right time is planning. Remember, most girls are every bit as interested in having a lover as you are, so all you have to do is find one who thinks you are "cute". Also, I've been told that one of the most appealing things to many girls is a guy with a good sense of humor and who can make them laugh. Don't be a clown, but be FUN!

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  • thegypsysailor
    8 years ago | pl

    Please explain to me how hating yourself makes anything better?
    Elsewhere in your post. There is a saying that if you ask enough girls to have sex with you, eventually odds are, one will. Who the fuck cares if a hundred girls do laugh at you (which they won't, but you'll never believe me), if the 101 fucks your brains out.
    Grow a pair and go out and get laid.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago | pl

      I dunno, i'm used to it and feeling good about myself just makes me feel uncomfortable and like a fucking fraud, so i sabotage that unconsciously, sometimes consciously. What do you suggest i do then?
      Right now i'm very desperate to lose it so i'll do that in a club. Why won't they laugh?
      What's the best way of going out to get laid quickly and easily? Can i go on my own or does it have to be with friends?

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  • Darkoil
    8 years ago | pl

    Pull yourself together man!

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