He is the head of the family and acts as such.
You can't possibly expect him to be anything but what you have been using all of this time.
First of all:Are the insults he uses to offend your mom understandable,meaning,there is areal argument going on,or he just explodes into that kind of talk for no particular reason? What does he complain about?
If there are reasons for him to complain about his sister,work,father,then he has got all the rights to do so,but you should let him know that complaining is not exactly the most constructive approach to whatever trouble he has with all of these things.
You think your father is a saint but still hate him,how does that make sense to you?You probably should hate the unwanted behavior,not him.If you must hate something or someone.Cause if you don't do anything to relieve his stress somehow,it will just keep building up over time and if he still hasn't got a mood disorder he will get it soon.So..
try to be understanding,but do not patronize him,that would just make him mad,and whenever he gets those anger outbursts don't use a submissive approach but do not challenge his authority and role either,It might not be so easy not to let yourself be shaken up by all the voice raising and the shouting,the yelling,the cursing and keep calm so you can actually talk rather than bark,but if you succeed,you'll find out he is not such a bad guy after all.It's not ok for you to hate him.That just makes things more difficult on everybody.Whenever you act on this "hate" tension escalates and you create a barrier between him and you and your mom and he can feel that,detachment.So he just acts out more to get your attention and remember you that he is still the boss.
I really have to stop typing this much.It's never enough anyway.
He's not one to take criticism. I've spoken to him about it occasionally, but he just gets mad.
When he yells at my mom, I do see him sometimes trying to make an argument... but for the most part it's just abusive.
And as for the complaining... yes I do realize he has the right to complain, but you have to understand... he complains about almost EVERYTHING and he almost always redirects the conversation to complaining.
I know he has a good reason to complain, but it's just that he DOESN'T LET THINGS GO. He's even still paranoid that my mom is seeing a boyfriend from before my dad and her met! She has no free time to be having an affair! She is always busy with us kids or college and I see her 90% of the day! And the 10% I don't see her, I know exactly where she is.
Oh and I didn't say he was a saint. I said he was a saint TO ME. To my mom, he is a complete asshole.
He is pretty unaware of everyone else's feelings as he is VERY self-centered. He can't go five minutes without talking about himself, so I doubt he really notices when people don't like him or when they're not interested in what he's saying, let alone notice any "detachment" between us.
I'm not cold or cruel towards him. On the contrary... sometimes we have very nice conversations.... but I just HATE the way he treats my mom. And it makes me SO angry when he does this to her. It's just confusing how to feel because he's so nice to me, but so cruel to my mother.
He has NO right to constantly moan at you all. If I were you and your mom, I'd leave the room and let him argue / moan at his shadow. The 2 of you could go to your room and put on headphones so you don't hear him.
He's looking for an excuse to make your mom seem evil and he's a poor 'victim' coz she's got a bf. I said it before - he's a dick!!
Don't let your mom put her plans off indefinitely, she should get out now! I'd rather be poor any day than live with such an @sshole. He will never value her until she's gone! I must say that, from your post, I'm waiting on him to become violent.
Go on, let him rant on youtube - we haven't heard his rants and nor have his colleagues!
I lived your life, and my mom swore she'd get out - and never did. He's dead now.
Yeah, we talk about her divorcing him all the time.
I'll be going to college in a year, but two of my brothers are still younger. I know one wouldn't mind if they divorced, but the other is a bit sensitive. I think one of the reasons she stays is because of him.
But the good news is she'll be getting a college degree soon so she'll be able to support herself when it all goes down.
Is it normal to hate my dad?
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He is the head of the family and acts as such.
You can't possibly expect him to be anything but what you have been using all of this time.
First of all:Are the insults he uses to offend your mom understandable,meaning,there is areal argument going on,or he just explodes into that kind of talk for no particular reason? What does he complain about?
If there are reasons for him to complain about his sister,work,father,then he has got all the rights to do so,but you should let him know that complaining is not exactly the most constructive approach to whatever trouble he has with all of these things.
You think your father is a saint but still hate him,how does that make sense to you?You probably should hate the unwanted behavior,not him.If you must hate something or someone.Cause if you don't do anything to relieve his stress somehow,it will just keep building up over time and if he still hasn't got a mood disorder he will get it soon.So..
try to be understanding,but do not patronize him,that would just make him mad,and whenever he gets those anger outbursts don't use a submissive approach but do not challenge his authority and role either,It might not be so easy not to let yourself be shaken up by all the voice raising and the shouting,the yelling,the cursing and keep calm so you can actually talk rather than bark,but if you succeed,you'll find out he is not such a bad guy after all.It's not ok for you to hate him.That just makes things more difficult on everybody.Whenever you act on this "hate" tension escalates and you create a barrier between him and you and your mom and he can feel that,detachment.So he just acts out more to get your attention and remember you that he is still the boss.
I really have to stop typing this much.It's never enough anyway.
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Anonymous Post Author
12 years ago
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He's not one to take criticism. I've spoken to him about it occasionally, but he just gets mad.
When he yells at my mom, I do see him sometimes trying to make an argument... but for the most part it's just abusive.
And as for the complaining... yes I do realize he has the right to complain, but you have to understand... he complains about almost EVERYTHING and he almost always redirects the conversation to complaining.
I know he has a good reason to complain, but it's just that he DOESN'T LET THINGS GO. He's even still paranoid that my mom is seeing a boyfriend from before my dad and her met! She has no free time to be having an affair! She is always busy with us kids or college and I see her 90% of the day! And the 10% I don't see her, I know exactly where she is.
Oh and I didn't say he was a saint. I said he was a saint TO ME. To my mom, he is a complete asshole.
He is pretty unaware of everyone else's feelings as he is VERY self-centered. He can't go five minutes without talking about himself, so I doubt he really notices when people don't like him or when they're not interested in what he's saying, let alone notice any "detachment" between us.
I'm not cold or cruel towards him. On the contrary... sometimes we have very nice conversations.... but I just HATE the way he treats my mom. And it makes me SO angry when he does this to her. It's just confusing how to feel because he's so nice to me, but so cruel to my mother.
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joybird
12 years ago
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He has NO right to constantly moan at you all. If I were you and your mom, I'd leave the room and let him argue / moan at his shadow. The 2 of you could go to your room and put on headphones so you don't hear him.
He's looking for an excuse to make your mom seem evil and he's a poor 'victim' coz she's got a bf. I said it before - he's a dick!!
Don't let your mom put her plans off indefinitely, she should get out now! I'd rather be poor any day than live with such an @sshole. He will never value her until she's gone! I must say that, from your post, I'm waiting on him to become violent.
Go on, let him rant on youtube - we haven't heard his rants and nor have his colleagues!
I lived your life, and my mom swore she'd get out - and never did. He's dead now.
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Baloo
12 years ago
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Yeah, we talk about her divorcing him all the time.
I'll be going to college in a year, but two of my brothers are still younger. I know one wouldn't mind if they divorced, but the other is a bit sensitive. I think one of the reasons she stays is because of him.
But the good news is she'll be getting a college degree soon so she'll be able to support herself when it all goes down.
I want to get a good job to so I can help her.