Is it normal to hate my dad?

82% Normal

My dad is a complete asshole to my mom. He always yells at her and calls her names, but then the next minute he'll want her to hug him and kiss him. He also expects her to listen to his ranting about work all of the time. She hates him, but she can't exactly divorce him right now.

Now, it's really confusing for me because he's really nice to everyone else. He is an absolute saint to me because I'm his only daughter. I don't want anything to do with him, but then I feel guilty.

He really isn't a very happy person. The only thing he does is complain about work and his father and sister. Sometimes I think he has some sort of mood disorder or something.

Should I feel guilty? Is it okay for me to hate him?

Voting Results

82% Normal

Based on 99 votes (81 yes)

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Comments ( 20 )

Loz:)

12 years ago

My mother and Father were like that as well. But then my mother got a divorce and life is much better. You should really talk to your mother and see how she feels about this

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  Yeah... soon after she's done with college, gets a job, and saves up some money, she'll be divorcing him. We've already made that plan haha. :)
  
  Unfortunately, I don't think that'll be very soon.
  
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joybird

12 years ago

He's a dick! No-one is confronting him about his behaviour so that's an idea. You could ask him nice and calmly why he disrespects your mom so much? He'll be really shocked and I bet you he says that she knows he doesn't mean it and he's just letting off steam.

Even better - you could record him and put it on youtube. We could all view him at his worst and so could all his pals ;o)

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  Actually, I have confronted him and he just gets angry at me and SUPER angry at my mom.
  
  Trust me, he means it when he says those things to her... but then he also turns around and claims he loves her. :/
  
  Haha. Post it on YouTube? Unfortunately, his rants are quite boring. They're always the same and they never end. :P
  
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ICeicebaby7492

12 years ago

MY dads the same but finally their divorced and it is wonderful and you shouldnt feel guilty its not your fault that you dont like to see your loved ones (your mom) be talked to like a piece of garbage....u should say f***k off dad

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  That's the worst part. If I try to make him angry, he gets a little mad at me... but then he gets even ANGRIER with my mom. It doesn't make any sense and I hate not being able to say what I think of him. I don't want him to be mean to my mom because I said something to him.
  
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FocoUS

12 years ago

Why can't your mom divorce him? Money?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  Yeah... she doesn't have a job so she wouldn't be able to support herself, let alone children.
  
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poon__jabber

9 years ago

she should get a night job, then they wont see eachother.

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coolio75650932

11 years ago

sue him for first grade abuse :3 (hope you get that four thpusand dollers from winning)

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[Old Memory]

12 years ago

My dad's the same..but he knows I can't stand him. When he treats my mom like crap I yell at him then his anger turns to me instead of her. It gets kind of scary sometimes but its better than watching him be an asshole to my mom.

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ICeicebaby7492

12 years ago

U should think about talking to your mom and mayB she would say something to him cuz she sees its affecting you

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Dozis

12 years ago

He is the head of the family and acts as such.
You can't possibly expect him to be anything but what you have been using all of this time.
First of all:Are the insults he uses to offend your mom understandable,meaning,there is areal argument going on,or he just explodes into that kind of talk for no particular reason? What does he complain about?
If there are reasons for him to complain about his sister,work,father,then he has got all the rights to do so,but you should let him know that complaining is not exactly the most constructive approach to whatever trouble he has with all of these things.

You think your father is a saint but still hate him,how does that make sense to you?You probably should hate the unwanted behavior,not him.If you must hate something or someone.Cause if you don't do anything to relieve his stress somehow,it will just keep building up over time and if he still hasn't got a mood disorder he will get it soon.So..
try to be understanding,but do not patronize him,that would just make him mad,and whenever he gets those anger outbursts don't use a submissive approach but do not challenge his authority and role either,It might not be so easy not to let yourself be shaken up by all the voice raising and the shouting,the yelling,the cursing and keep calm so you can actually talk rather than bark,but if you succeed,you'll find out he is not such a bad guy after all.It's not ok for you to hate him.That just makes things more difficult on everybody.Whenever you act on this "hate" tension escalates and you create a barrier between him and you and your mom and he can feel that,detachment.So he just acts out more to get your attention and remember you that he is still the boss.
I really have to stop typing this much.It's never enough anyway.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  He's not one to take criticism. I've spoken to him about it occasionally, but he just gets mad.
  
  When he yells at my mom, I do see him sometimes trying to make an argument... but for the most part it's just abusive.
  
  And as for the complaining... yes I do realize he has the right to complain, but you have to understand... he complains about almost EVERYTHING and he almost always redirects the conversation to complaining.
  
  I know he has a good reason to complain, but it's just that he DOESN'T LET THINGS GO. He's even still paranoid that my mom is seeing a boyfriend from before my dad and her met! She has no free time to be having an affair! She is always busy with us kids or college and I see her 90% of the day! And the 10% I don't see her, I know exactly where she is.
  
  Oh and I didn't say he was a saint. I said he was a saint TO ME. To my mom, he is a complete asshole.
  
  He is pretty unaware of everyone else's feelings as he is VERY self-centered. He can't go five minutes without talking about himself, so I doubt he really notices when people don't like him or when they're not interested in what he's saying, let alone notice any "detachment" between us.
  
  I'm not cold or cruel towards him. On the contrary... sometimes we have very nice conversations.... but I just HATE the way he treats my mom. And it makes me SO angry when he does this to her. It's just confusing how to feel because he's so nice to me, but so cruel to my mother.
  
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  - joybird
    
    12 years ago
    
    He has NO right to constantly moan at you all. If I were you and your mom, I'd leave the room and let him argue / moan at his shadow. The 2 of you could go to your room and put on headphones so you don't hear him.
    
    He's looking for an excuse to make your mom seem evil and he's a poor 'victim' coz she's got a bf. I said it before - he's a dick!!
    
    Don't let your mom put her plans off indefinitely, she should get out now! I'd rather be poor any day than live with such an @sshole. He will never value her until she's gone! I must say that, from your post, I'm waiting on him to become violent.
    
    Go on, let him rant on youtube - we haven't heard his rants and nor have his colleagues!
    
    I lived your life, and my mom swore she'd get out - and never did. He's dead now.
    
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    - Baloo
      
      12 years ago
      
      Yeah, we talk about her divorcing him all the time.
      
      I'll be going to college in a year, but two of my brothers are still younger. I know one wouldn't mind if they divorced, but the other is a bit sensitive. I think one of the reasons she stays is because of him.
      
      But the good news is she'll be getting a college degree soon so she'll be able to support herself when it all goes down.
      
      I want to get a good job to so I can help her.
      
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Dozis

12 years ago

Is he an alcoholic? I ask because it is a fair commmon paranoia amongst heavy alcohol users to think their wives cheated on them when they really didn't.
So,maybe the problem starts with that.
My dad always got like that everytime he drank.At least he doesn't take it on you and starts calling you names and remembering you what a fucking loser you are everytime you get confrontative otherwise you'd not be thinking he is such a saint.Maybe he has a secret crush on you and jacks off in the bathroom while sniffing your underwear.Maybe that's why he is so nice to you.Maybe he thinks about your little ass all the time is just waiting to get you drunk enough so he can abuse you.I don't know.
Either way,if you can't do anything about it I suggest you ask for help to a professional or organize an intervention so you get him to go to an anger management class.And by the way:how the fuck can you consider him a saint if he is abusive with your mom? It doesn't make a fucking bit of sense to me.Can't you just go:
TAKE IT ON ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT! Drop your pants and yell: COME ON! BRING IT YOU ASSHOLE!Come on! Bitch slap me! Put some female gartments on me and force to lift weights! What are you waiting for?
Sweetie don't. YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!
GIVE ME SOMETHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT YOU BIG APE!
You are nothing but a big fucking ape. Then say to her: And by the way: What the fuck is wrong with you? What the hell are you thinking? He treats you like shit and you just stand there taking it?Where's your honor?Where is your dignity you mindless cunt?
Then take off your panties and throw them at his face.Then kiss your mom on the lips with your tongue and go:That's right!That's what you did!I'm a queer!
A lesbian!A dyke!And now,you wanna know what I'm gonna do? I'm just gonna lock myself in the closet and wait for you two freaks to kill eachother off, you know where the knives are!(Locking yourself in the closet and singing a creepy tune)
Get out of the closet!You are not fooling anybody.
But,I'm not in the closet.
Seriously tho,it's strange for me hearing about a girl who thinks her daddy is a saint and at the same time hates him for being mean to her mom.It's just so absurd and quite funny.And a sign of ambivalence.
Meaning you have different opposite feelings for the same person.You got to be a schizo.

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- coolio75650932
  
  11 years ago
  
  lmao rofl *has pants off and boxers at mothers face* lol story of my life with gender switch
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  Jesus, I don't like him! I'm trying to say that he ACTS like a saint, not that he actually IS one.
  
  No, he's not an alcoholic, he's just an angry man.
  
  Who are you to call someone mentally insane when you've just posted some disturbing, insulting, creepy-ass shit?
  
  You're such a sick fuck.
  
  Go jump in front of a bus.
  
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  - coolio75650932
    
    11 years ago
    
    hes making a joke you slut
    
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal to hate my dad?