thanks for your help "It just sounds like you're going through a frustrating time" I was at the time I wrote this 2 days ago but since then things have only gotten worst and I'm really depressed because of some things I have found out. 4 weeks ago my dad changed from working for this company (that he has been with for over 15 years) to being contracted by it, because the stress was effecting his health but Now he is doing paper work at home 24/7 with a shit computer system that all ways mucks up and his health is becoming worst and I fear that if he continues this way he is going to have a heart attack, plus he isn't making anywhere near enough money to support us let alone pay the $100,000 debt we have and It's my 19 birthday on the 4th and my dad always spends a lot of money on me so I'm going to feel really guilty.
The sort of good news is that when my NZ granddad dies my dad gets 1/4 of everything. this is the bit which makes me really sad my mum side of the family (English) has basicly disowned my mum because she left England and came to new Zealand (21 plus years ago) she hasn't been back ever since, I have never met anyone from my mums side of the family so I only know half the story I've known this for awhile but their is something my mothers not telling me and i have no way of finding out
Both my grandmothers died before i was born so other then my mum,dad and younger bother all I had was my NZ family all of which except my Granddad, want me to be someone I'm not.
I always looked up to my granddad I thought he was sort of like me, (or I was like him) until yesterday when i heard a small segment of what he had said to my cousin, keep in mind granddad is old 86+ and he starting to let things slip that he would never say if the lights where on, anyway he started talking about how him and his mates In the army (ww2) used to rape and do all these other horrible things to woman and it makes me sick and i now have no respect for him. I've been thinking about comments made by members of my family about why my NZ family left Scotland in the first place (100+ yrs ago) something about steeling sheep but I fear there was more to it.
It seems my family has way too many skeletons in the closet and I'm sure I don't even Know the half of it.
It's not easy for me knowing that everything/ everyone around me is falling apart and that I probably have a dark side (genetically) when pushed too far.
BTW sorry, I feel like I'm dumping this crap onto you.
is it normal to Give Up On Yourself At 18
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thanks for your help "It just sounds like you're going through a frustrating time" I was at the time I wrote this 2 days ago but since then things have only gotten worst and I'm really depressed because of some things I have found out. 4 weeks ago my dad changed from working for this company (that he has been with for over 15 years) to being contracted by it, because the stress was effecting his health but Now he is doing paper work at home 24/7 with a shit computer system that all ways mucks up and his health is becoming worst and I fear that if he continues this way he is going to have a heart attack, plus he isn't making anywhere near enough money to support us let alone pay the $100,000 debt we have and It's my 19 birthday on the 4th and my dad always spends a lot of money on me so I'm going to feel really guilty.
The sort of good news is that when my NZ granddad dies my dad gets 1/4 of everything. this is the bit which makes me really sad my mum side of the family (English) has basicly disowned my mum because she left England and came to new Zealand (21 plus years ago) she hasn't been back ever since, I have never met anyone from my mums side of the family so I only know half the story I've known this for awhile but their is something my mothers not telling me and i have no way of finding out
Both my grandmothers died before i was born so other then my mum,dad and younger bother all I had was my NZ family all of which except my Granddad, want me to be someone I'm not.
I always looked up to my granddad I thought he was sort of like me, (or I was like him) until yesterday when i heard a small segment of what he had said to my cousin, keep in mind granddad is old 86+ and he starting to let things slip that he would never say if the lights where on, anyway he started talking about how him and his mates In the army (ww2) used to rape and do all these other horrible things to woman and it makes me sick and i now have no respect for him. I've been thinking about comments made by members of my family about why my NZ family left Scotland in the first place (100+ yrs ago) something about steeling sheep but I fear there was more to it.
It seems my family has way too many skeletons in the closet and I'm sure I don't even Know the half of it.
It's not easy for me knowing that everything/ everyone around me is falling apart and that I probably have a dark side (genetically) when pushed too far.
BTW sorry, I feel like I'm dumping this crap onto you.