Is it normal to get upset when your dad "borrows" your car?

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6 Comments

I got divorced in March of 2006 and moved in with my parents while I went back to school and tried to transition from a job to a career.

Anyway, my dad didn't really own a car when I was growing up (maybe for about 6 months or so when I was really, really young). He still has his license though.

I bought my first car last year and I always overhear my mother alluding that I'm selfish because I get upset if my dad just takes my car without asking me or telling me.

I don't consider myself to be a materialistic person. It's just that I work extremely hard for what little I have and don't appreciate when people take liberties with me/walk all over me.

It's getting to the point where it's becoming an issue because whenever I take my mom somewhere (she doesn't have a license) she makes some wisecrack about people who "know how to drive" being accustomed to x, y, and z; basically, insinuating that I don't know how to drive even though I don't drive irractically and have had my license for about 10 years now. I guess she's bitter that I don't treat my car like a "family car."

BTW, I contribute towards the mortgage, buy my own groceries, pay the cable bill, used to pay my mom's cell phone bill, etc.

Am I selfish? Am I getting worked up over nothing? Are either of my parents out of line?

Thanks.

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Comments ( 6 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Legion
    12 years ago | pl

    Get the fuck out of there!

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  • Legion
    11 years ago | pl

    Im with you on this. It's not selfish to want people to ask before using your stuff, especially if it's your car. My siblings "Borrow" my stuff all the time without asking. one of my sisters even goes about personalizing my stuff as if it were her own! I've yelled at her (and the rest of them) so many times about it, but she keeps it up!
    Im moving as soon as I can.

    b.t.w, can being on pills keep someone from being able to listen to you? (she is almost always on something)

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  • coolio75650932
    11 years ago | pl

    tell them to quit using your car and tell them to pay for there own SH!T and that theye can go buy there own cars and CR@P

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  • semi-charmed
    13 years ago | pl

    Have you talked too him about telling him to ask you if he can use it? like do you have a problem with him just using it in general or without your permission?
    I guess everyone owes a lot to their parents but I can certainly see where you're coming from if someone just takes something you've worked for without even asking. it's bit rude.

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  • mtnw
    13 years ago | pl

    you know what, i don't think you are being selfish. i think you'd feel different if he asked first, which i think he should.

    it doesn't seem to matter how old you are, it seems that once you go back "home", everyone slides into their old positions, being parent and child. the problem now is that you are an adult.

    so, maybe you can hold your tongue till you can manage to move on/out.

    i suppose dad shouldn't have access to your keys for one thing, this way, he's forced to ask before taking. i suppose that now that you are an adult, mom and dad figure you can do some giving too (although i see that you do, they've decided the car is to be shared also)

    drivers find that wisecracks from nondrivers are unappreciated to say the least.

    one thing many of us drivers are unaware of is insurance coverage for borrowers. in my state, the average auto policy covers borrowers only if it is occasional and the parties involved DO NOT share an address. in order to have coverage for a borrower sharing an address, the individual must be added to the policy by the policy holder (you). if you are in a state that requires auto insurance, call your agent and find out. how perfect for you if that is the case in your area. then you can tell dad, sorry, my insurance doesn't cover you!

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    • lilmissobsessive1
      13 years ago | pl

      Thanks for the detailed response.

      I usually keep my second set of keys in the kitchen in case I'm not there and the car's in the driveway and the alarm goes off, and also so that if I'm not home and the car's in the driveway, someone can access it in an emergency (I have a four year old daughter).

      I know that if I were to move the keys, my mom would say something about it. She wouldn't hold her tongue.

      My dad is on my insurance policy as an occasional (as opposed to secondary) driver. I've been told that I don't pay extra for it.

      I guess that the thing that weighs most on my conscience is that growing up without access to a car, it was somewhat hard at times. For instance, watching my MOM take the bus to the grocery store in the winter to do groceries every 2 weeks and then a cab back home. Sometimes my brother and I went with her. My dad never did though, nor did he do the family groceries.

      A friend of my mothers who was single with 3 vehicles, offered to GIVE one to my mom (I was about 13 or 14 at the time). My dad said he didn't want it because he didn't want to learn how to drive standard. Back then I knew that it was because he was offended by the "charity case" nature of the offer.

      Anyway though, as I'm writing this now I'm realizing that part of me is bitter. I never understood why he never did things to pull his own weight. I want to make life easier for my entire family, but I do have issues with both my parents.

      Maybe that's why I'm all paranoid about them thinking I'm selfish. I already know that I have somewhat of a chip on my shoulder, but I don't want to just be labelled as "mean", when I'm not trying to be that way.

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