It obviously varies from person to person but I think two years is long enough to get over someone. I joined this site immediately after a big break up and gave myself a year in which to get over it. In the end, it took fifteen months, but I probably could have dated before then. The fifteen months was to get back down to zero baggage.
Actually, during the early part of that fifteen months, I did have a fling with someone I'd known a few years and who was unhappily engaged. It was purely physical, though, and could only ever be because I was still recovering emotionally.
I think, in your case, it's time you either tell him, or at least start being closer with him, maybe subtly romantic. Being out of a relationship for two years made me less confident about approaching people but when people show they are interested, all the old blarney came flooding back.
I always enjoy your comments on my posts. Thank you. It sort of gives me a look through his eyes. Two years to me is a long time because it has never taken me more than a year to get over a long lasting relationship. I suppose the amount of time it takes to heal depends on a lot of different factors.
I know he has said she was the love of his life. Problem is he said she's still the last thing on his mind when he goes to sleep. I don't want to get in the middle of that sort of mess.. This may be more than I can handle. I don't want to conflict his emotions by tossing mine in there too.
I also just found out we share the same PIN for our bank card. That's definitely a bit odd.
Aww, well, thank you. Most people don't tend to reply. Two years seems a long time to me, too. The fifteen months was my longest but, as I said, I'd have been okay after a year, perhaps even less (and this was with a very emotionally messed-up relationship that affected me deeply). I'd accept it taking two years to get over a ten year marriage but that doesn't sound the case here (although I've never been married so I may be talking rubbish).
How often do you talk about his past relationship and how much time do you spend discussing things that are personal to the two of you? I'm wondering whether talking about the past more often than it deserves to be talked about would keep him rooted there. Also, whether it's become habit for you two to talk about this stuff. He might see you as his support, when you really want him to see you as support plus other things too.
You don't sound like a creep, by the way. Quite the opposite. It sounds like you're considerate enough to think about the situation and to try to do the right thing. Nothing more can be asked of you than that.
Well, I'm a talker, what can I say. Plus, you were helpful thus far, why not continue?
We actually just opened up to one another and told each other our past and how things that happened when we were younger affects us today. He has told me about his ex and their relationship. I made it a point to talk about it more and tried to open him up more to it. I wanted to make him feel comfortable talking about it. How does one go from the support to support plus?
Recently we have been talking in depth about a number of important things to us. Spiritual enlightenment is a big common factor in our relationship. We're both showing each other things we didn't see before.
Aw, thank you! That made me smile. You're very helpful!
Well, that's the tricky bit I guess. How people get into relationships is different for different people. The last person I was in a relationship with, we were friends who drifted closer. It's rarer for it to happen like that, though.
Having said that, the way you describe your relationship as it is, there sounds like a lot of closeness between you and a bit of a bond. Maybe he already feels something but is scared of being hurt again (understandable).
I know this will sound like a cop-out answer but trust your instincts. You come across as self-aware and that you see the world as it is. It sounds to me like you've got good instincts and I'd hate to give you any specific advice when you'd pretty much guaranteed better off going with what you think. Oh, and best of luck, of course. I never know how many of these stories have happy endings but I always hope no news is good news and that people are just off being happy. :)
Unfortunately, there is no happy ending. We are still friends, but he does not want to pursue any sort of relationship. He is focusing on getting his life straightened out before he lets anyone else into it. I respect that.
Is it normal to get obsessed over someone so easily?
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It obviously varies from person to person but I think two years is long enough to get over someone. I joined this site immediately after a big break up and gave myself a year in which to get over it. In the end, it took fifteen months, but I probably could have dated before then. The fifteen months was to get back down to zero baggage.
Actually, during the early part of that fifteen months, I did have a fling with someone I'd known a few years and who was unhappily engaged. It was purely physical, though, and could only ever be because I was still recovering emotionally.
I think, in your case, it's time you either tell him, or at least start being closer with him, maybe subtly romantic. Being out of a relationship for two years made me less confident about approaching people but when people show they are interested, all the old blarney came flooding back.
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I always enjoy your comments on my posts. Thank you. It sort of gives me a look through his eyes. Two years to me is a long time because it has never taken me more than a year to get over a long lasting relationship. I suppose the amount of time it takes to heal depends on a lot of different factors.
I know he has said she was the love of his life. Problem is he said she's still the last thing on his mind when he goes to sleep. I don't want to get in the middle of that sort of mess.. This may be more than I can handle. I don't want to conflict his emotions by tossing mine in there too.
I also just found out we share the same PIN for our bank card. That's definitely a bit odd.
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dappled
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Aww, well, thank you. Most people don't tend to reply. Two years seems a long time to me, too. The fifteen months was my longest but, as I said, I'd have been okay after a year, perhaps even less (and this was with a very emotionally messed-up relationship that affected me deeply). I'd accept it taking two years to get over a ten year marriage but that doesn't sound the case here (although I've never been married so I may be talking rubbish).
How often do you talk about his past relationship and how much time do you spend discussing things that are personal to the two of you? I'm wondering whether talking about the past more often than it deserves to be talked about would keep him rooted there. Also, whether it's become habit for you two to talk about this stuff. He might see you as his support, when you really want him to see you as support plus other things too.
You don't sound like a creep, by the way. Quite the opposite. It sounds like you're considerate enough to think about the situation and to try to do the right thing. Nothing more can be asked of you than that.
P.S. She's only the love of his life "so far". :)
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Well, I'm a talker, what can I say. Plus, you were helpful thus far, why not continue?
We actually just opened up to one another and told each other our past and how things that happened when we were younger affects us today. He has told me about his ex and their relationship. I made it a point to talk about it more and tried to open him up more to it. I wanted to make him feel comfortable talking about it. How does one go from the support to support plus?
Recently we have been talking in depth about a number of important things to us. Spiritual enlightenment is a big common factor in our relationship. We're both showing each other things we didn't see before.
Aw, thank you! That made me smile. You're very helpful!
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dappled
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Well, that's the tricky bit I guess. How people get into relationships is different for different people. The last person I was in a relationship with, we were friends who drifted closer. It's rarer for it to happen like that, though.
Having said that, the way you describe your relationship as it is, there sounds like a lot of closeness between you and a bit of a bond. Maybe he already feels something but is scared of being hurt again (understandable).
I know this will sound like a cop-out answer but trust your instincts. You come across as self-aware and that you see the world as it is. It sounds to me like you've got good instincts and I'd hate to give you any specific advice when you'd pretty much guaranteed better off going with what you think. Oh, and best of luck, of course. I never know how many of these stories have happy endings but I always hope no news is good news and that people are just off being happy. :)
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Unfortunately, there is no happy ending. We are still friends, but he does not want to pursue any sort of relationship. He is focusing on getting his life straightened out before he lets anyone else into it. I respect that.
Thank you for all of that. I will trust my instincts and try to not met my emotions become too overbearing.
If something positive comes out of this, I will be more than happy to share!