She has irrational jealousy issues. Sometimes mothers blame their own low self-esteem on daughters, especially if you are more successful / better looking than her.
I'm not surprised that you have a step dad - your mother doesn't sound like a happily married woman. I'm also going to guess that she blames you for this because she can't accept that it was her own fault.
She blames me for everything and she never takes this rage out on my brother as my brothers father is my step-dad therefore it feels like i am pushed out as all her anger is only directed to me.
She is a jealous person as she had me when she was young and couldn't take care of me so i was brought up with my grandparents until she married my step-dad when i moved in with her and she has never had any maternal instincts towards me. Now i am older she gets jealous that at her age she didn't have the freedom to go to university and go out with friends as she had to work to provide money to my grandparents to take care for me i feel as if she resents me. Thank you for your comment.
You're welcome. Just trying to add a little insight :-). People often have huge blind spots where family is concerned, so it's very difficult to analyze the situation when you're in the middle of it.
You'll need to get her to realize the reasons she does this for herself. It won't be easy. It'll take more that a chat over coffee, but it'll be worth it in the end.
I feel like nothing i do will work as she believes she is always correct, and will not see any other persons point of view on situation. She also acts very child like as she drinks heavily and then creates scenes to irritate the person she believes to be in the wrong currently being me (which it usually is me).
So i feel as if their is no getting through to her as she acts very pathetic and childish.
Just some extra insight into the situation with her.
I think drinking is the first step you should work on. Does anyone else in your family also drink a lot? Could her family and friends come together and try to help her through it? Could you try to get her to go to a support group or therapist.
I think if you can get her drinking under control, everything else will be so much easier to sort out.
Iv been trying for years she doesn't think she has a problem as its as she says "only to relax after work" yet its around 2 bottles of wine a night i have never known her to never drink that amount and on a weekend its a lot more which is why i do not stay at home on weekends as i cant stand it.
I have tried talking to my grandparents about it, but my grandfather passed away not long ago and don't want to put the stress on my grandmother. My step-dad is also a heavy drinker and drinks along side her however he only drinks and joins in with her to keep the piece as she is very hard to live alongside, if he says no to her then hell brakes loose.
So i am the only one who has the guts to speak up to her and when i do she responds saying i am the selfish one and we end up arguing, then not speaking for weeks (which can be very very awkward when living with one another).
her drinking needs to stop, as well as her selfish behaviour and she also needs to see things from other members of the family's perspective. I have spoke to my psychology lecturer at university for help as she used to be a councillor and she said she would be happy to help, however my mother needs to recognise what destruction she is causing in the home first otherwise she will never think she is doing anything wrong to seek help for.
I just want to move out as soon as i can, and dont really want to keep in contact with her either as this has been my life for years now and she makes me really anxious when shes home to the point where i feel like i need to be medicated when around her, as she drags me down and makes me have very low self esteem. Especially when the rest of my family say how much of nice girl i am as i never cause any trouble or do much wrong either.
You can't change your mother. Don't try. Get your own self together and leave her to her own mess. She'll have to make her own choices as to whether or not having a healthy life is important. Nobody can make her see the mess she put herself in except her.
is it normal to get a lot of abuse from your mother
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She has irrational jealousy issues. Sometimes mothers blame their own low self-esteem on daughters, especially if you are more successful / better looking than her.
I'm not surprised that you have a step dad - your mother doesn't sound like a happily married woman. I'm also going to guess that she blames you for this because she can't accept that it was her own fault.
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VWHUFF
9 years ago
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She blames me for everything and she never takes this rage out on my brother as my brothers father is my step-dad therefore it feels like i am pushed out as all her anger is only directed to me.
She is a jealous person as she had me when she was young and couldn't take care of me so i was brought up with my grandparents until she married my step-dad when i moved in with her and she has never had any maternal instincts towards me. Now i am older she gets jealous that at her age she didn't have the freedom to go to university and go out with friends as she had to work to provide money to my grandparents to take care for me i feel as if she resents me. Thank you for your comment.
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OtherSide
9 years ago
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You're welcome. Just trying to add a little insight :-). People often have huge blind spots where family is concerned, so it's very difficult to analyze the situation when you're in the middle of it.
You'll need to get her to realize the reasons she does this for herself. It won't be easy. It'll take more that a chat over coffee, but it'll be worth it in the end.
--
VWHUFF
9 years ago
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pl
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I feel like nothing i do will work as she believes she is always correct, and will not see any other persons point of view on situation. She also acts very child like as she drinks heavily and then creates scenes to irritate the person she believes to be in the wrong currently being me (which it usually is me).
So i feel as if their is no getting through to her as she acts very pathetic and childish.
Just some extra insight into the situation with her.
--
OtherSide
9 years ago
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I think drinking is the first step you should work on. Does anyone else in your family also drink a lot? Could her family and friends come together and try to help her through it? Could you try to get her to go to a support group or therapist.
I think if you can get her drinking under control, everything else will be so much easier to sort out.
--
VWHUFF
9 years ago
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Iv been trying for years she doesn't think she has a problem as its as she says "only to relax after work" yet its around 2 bottles of wine a night i have never known her to never drink that amount and on a weekend its a lot more which is why i do not stay at home on weekends as i cant stand it.
I have tried talking to my grandparents about it, but my grandfather passed away not long ago and don't want to put the stress on my grandmother. My step-dad is also a heavy drinker and drinks along side her however he only drinks and joins in with her to keep the piece as she is very hard to live alongside, if he says no to her then hell brakes loose.
So i am the only one who has the guts to speak up to her and when i do she responds saying i am the selfish one and we end up arguing, then not speaking for weeks (which can be very very awkward when living with one another).
her drinking needs to stop, as well as her selfish behaviour and she also needs to see things from other members of the family's perspective. I have spoke to my psychology lecturer at university for help as she used to be a councillor and she said she would be happy to help, however my mother needs to recognise what destruction she is causing in the home first otherwise she will never think she is doing anything wrong to seek help for.
I just want to move out as soon as i can, and dont really want to keep in contact with her either as this has been my life for years now and she makes me really anxious when shes home to the point where i feel like i need to be medicated when around her, as she drags me down and makes me have very low self esteem. Especially when the rest of my family say how much of nice girl i am as i never cause any trouble or do much wrong either.
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iEatZombies_
9 years ago
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You can't change your mother. Don't try. Get your own self together and leave her to her own mess. She'll have to make her own choices as to whether or not having a healthy life is important. Nobody can make her see the mess she put herself in except her.