Is it normal to feel used like this?

51% Normal
3 Comments

I married my husband five years ago. what I saw was a single dad with a really whacked out ex wife. He took his kids to their dr. appointments, girl/boyscout stuff his ex wife insisted on signing them up for but never took them, did their laundry, basically everything a mother does but he was pretty much a slob.

He said he was a slob b/c his wife would not help teach their children to pick up after themselves, etc. etc. so I was surprised after we got married that it was me, my son and my daughter who got left with the main job of teaching his children things they should have known by their ages, made sure they brushed their teeth, remembered their homework, etc. and the ex wife, she just likes to stir up trouble. she's worthless as far as parents go. she gets them every other weekend and two weeks in the summer, because when she had them more, the children were upset all the time, and turning violent.

Anyway, is it normal for the stepmom and her kids to do so much? am I being used?

Is It Normal?
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  • peachesandcream
    13 years ago | pl

    I think you need to express how you feel to your husband. I understand that it may seem this way but I don't think your husband is putting all the responsability on you on purpose. I admire your hardwork. If I had a mother like you I would show appreciation and maybe that's what your looking for.

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  • rjm544
    10 years ago | pl

    Its always really hard to third part analyze especially when the issues are so complex. Do you have access to a therapist? You might consider talking to one, it really can do wonders. They should be able to help you figure out the best approach to take and if necessary you can bring your husband in and you can talk to him with the therapist there to help both of you.

    As a child of a mother-stepfather family and a father- now ex stepmother family I can tell you that it is extremely important that that you as the step parent are there like a normal parent. My stepfather basically removed my mother from the equation for me and my stepmother basically was my mother until she left. It might be that your husband's ex isn't, for lack of a better way of putting it, mom enough and his kids might need you to fill in. Don't let him use you for no more than a "fill in mom" but you should eventually be the mom on dad's side.

    In any event, basically you need to treat them as your own, love them, support them, and punish them when warranted just as you would your own progeny.

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  • Cookies&Cream
    12 years ago | pl

    Its not bad to help out, but it doesnt mean your gonna do everything.

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