Is it normal to feel that the term "bullying" is not good enough?

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21 Comments

In the workplace, if someone call you names, pushes you around, takes your lunch and threatens you, you can defend yourself or launch a formal complaint about it. The cops can get involved and this person can go to jail. When adults do it to other adults it is called larceny, robbery, assault, aggravated assault and harrassment.

But when kids do it to other kids it's called "bullying". This term makes it seem that children doing it to eachother makes it less severe because they are children. But why? Children can shoot each other like adults do, steal from each other like adults do, are capable of the acts of violence many adults are capable of, so how is it treated less seriously? And moreover, in treating it less seriously, doesn't it support the mentality that hurting others is not something serious, society will overlook it and that these children shouldn't be taught from an early age that harming others is not tolerable?

Much of this violence starts in the home, there's no doubt about that, but whether or not an adult was abused as a child would not serve as a grounds for not having to take responsibility for one's actions, at least as far as the law is concerned, why should a child have to suffer because of another child's poor home life? Does a child's pain count for less than an adult's pain?

Is it normal that I feel that "bullying" is not a good term as it downplays the severity of the actions?

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 21 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago | pl

    Very valid points, BUT, since its kids and they arent considered legal adults, the thought process is they dont realize what they are doing.

    But I think most do. So I agree with what you are saying.

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    • NeuroNeptunian
      11 years ago | pl

      In that case, shouldn't the point of the punishment be to TEACH the kids to understand that what they are doing is wrong? Otherwise, how will they learn until they are 18 and get locked up for 10 years?

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      • chewy
        11 years ago | pl

        Most schools now don't teach kids that what they did was wrong and they let them curse too.

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        • NeuroNeptunian
          11 years ago | pl

          Problem is, its not the school's responsibility. The school's responsibility is to teach them academic principals. Parents need to teach their kids how to behave but it's increasingly obvious that many parents don't wish to take that responsibility for whatever reason and by that virtue, innocent children are being victimized and this victimization is dismissed as bullying and I don't feel that people take it as seriously as they would if it was assault or harassment.

          I'm saying that we need to label it for what it is so people will quit dismissing this behavior because "kids are just kids" and start taking steps to educate kids from an early age on the concepts of empathy so they can gain understanding of their behavior as opposed to waiting for actual damage to be done before taking it seriously.

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  • Lynxikat
    11 years ago | pl

    I feel dumb, but I never thought of it like that before... that if an adult pushes you around, calls you names, and treats you like garbage, it's considered harassment but if a child does it, it's called bullying. I feel dumb for never thinking of it like that before because I always hated how bullies were never punished more seriously for what they do to their victims.

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    • NeuroNeptunian
      11 years ago | pl

      Yeah, don't feel dumb. I'm a nerd that thinks about this stuff quite a bit.

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    • Avant-Garde
      11 years ago | pl

      Don't feel dumb, it just didn't occur to you and didn't really occur to me until I read this post.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago | pl

    Ya, for kids it's called bullying and for adults it's called harassment.

    When I was taking a programme at a technical college, a classmate was expelled for threatening to murder me. I could have also pressed charges, but I didn't.

    I think that if I was in high school, he would have got a detention and that's about it.

    It doesn't seem very fair, but it is an undeniable fact that ALL teenagers don't have a fully developed prefrontal cortex. And that means that they are still somewhat mentally impaired when it comes to impulse control, rage, and decision making. That's why they are not held accountable in the same way that adults are.

    You are correct that most bullies have been victims at some point in the home. Their esteem is affected so greatly that they try to achieve some sense of control or attention in their tiny little worlds by harassing and pestering other people/children. Sad but true.

    If your child was not the victim of bullying, but actually doing the bullying, how would you teach them that bullying is wrong?

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    • NeuroNeptunian
      11 years ago | pl

      "If your child was not the victim of bullying, but actually doing the bullying, how would you teach them that bullying is wrong?"

      That's the problem. Many parents don't recognize it, such is the nature of the households those kids come from.

      A good parent would pull the kid out of school for the safety of the other children, have the child psychologically evaluated and do what it necessary to calm the violent behavior, perhaps implement therapy to accelerate the child's understanding of empathy and, if need be, medicate the child.

      In either scenario, just letting the issue go and dismissing it as "Well, they are just children, they don't know better yet" or that they can not be held fully responsible for their actions and candy-coating it in that manner may be better for the bully, but it is detrimental to the victims. The victims don't care about their bully's situation, they suffer either way.

      My point here is that in candy-coating it with a term like "bullying" it distracts from the fact that the suffering that the victims are experiencing here is no more or less real than the suffering of adults. I am talking about treating a situation of harrassment with all of the severity it requires regardless of the age.

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  • Dasani
    11 years ago | pl

    I've often wondered the same thing and thought it was bizarre how bullying was considered just a right of passage. I was bullied a lot as a kid. As an adult, I still don't like teenagers very much as a result and am happy to avoid them. Where I live now there are very few teenagers around which is awesome. When I go back and visit my parents in the suburbs, unfortunately I have to see them. It's just not as acceptable for adults to act this way. I think it's probably because it's so wide spread among kids that it just becomes acceptable which is a shame.

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    • NeuroNeptunian
      11 years ago | pl

      But the problem is that often times, if teenagers are not taught seriously that what they are doing is unacceptable, they will continue this behavior until they either grow up and realize what they're doing or get into some serious trouble (and even then, sometimes they still believe that what they are doing is correct).

      In order to raise fit adults, we must start with them when they are children, and teach them what behaviors are and are not suitable from an early age, otherwise, how do we expect them to know? From example? Have you seen some of these kid's parents?

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      • joybird
        11 years ago | pl

        When my son was young another child bit him severely on the arm. I arrived at the school to find that his teacher had my son by the hand and said,
        "We had a little accident today, Jimmy bit him."
        Didn't look like an accident to me so I said,
        "Oh right, and where is little Jimmy?"
        "He's gone home with his mom."
        "Eh? So what have you done about it?"
        "Em, nothing."

        I believe that if she was not able to discipline little Jimmy she should've introduced him to me, and let him suffer the consequences of what I thought of his behaviour!

        From that point on the bullying of my son escalated and the school were powerless to do anything, so when I'd finally had enough, I joined the mothers waiting outside the school and said to them all, "OK, from now on, whatever each of your children does to my son, I will do to you :o)"

        Admittedly they were gobsmacked as they hauled their children off to one side and warned them not to touch my son again - unless they wanted to see me punch / kick / strangle their mother!!! I actually rang the police and told them what I was going to do so as to confirm that they would not leave my son unattended in the street alone.

        I was told that I would get a night in the cells which I thought was a fair exchange if it meant my son would then be safe. However, it was never needed coz the mothers knew to curtail their brat's behaviour! This could've been resolved very easily if the teacher had embarrassed the brat initially by allowing me to meet him.

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  • Avant-Garde
    11 years ago | pl

    The system is fucked up. Bullying really should go by another term. They're people who are "bullied" so much that they commit suicide. I think that should be called murder.
    Harassment, Stalking, etc. Justice needs to be properly served and the parents need to teach their children better! Some places are actually trying to pass laws that make bullying "legal". It should be illegal. How many more people must die until the country open's their eyes and get their shit together?!

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  • thinkingaboutit
    11 years ago | pl

    Well, children don't generally have rights, do they?

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago | pl

    children dont normally understand the lasting harm that bullying does to the victim

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  • coolio75650932
    11 years ago | pl

    yes i believe "son of a gangster" fits more comterbaly

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  • Dot123
    11 years ago | pl

    The term would be: ''Trolling.''

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    • NeuroNeptunian
      11 years ago | pl

      Internet bullying is an odd issue to tackle.
      On one hand, it can be as damaging as verbal harassment IRL. On the other hand, just about every social media website and chat room has the "Block/Delete" buttons and if worse goes to worst, one can always report them to the webmaster or delete their account. Going online is voluntary. Going to public school, to a large degree for most children, is not, nor is going outside period.

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    • Dasani
      11 years ago | pl

      trolling as in trolling on the internet? the internet tends to revert a lot of adults into junior high school bullies. most people still have it in them, but surpress it as adults in the real world.

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