Whilst my kids were growing up (to their now teenage years) they had many friends that would come and go. Some staying the night and we even went on holidays (well a 4 day camping trip) with one of those 'best friends' once.
I noticed that the 'friends' do become part of the family a bit. ie I fed them, and even helped them if they fell (that sought of thing)
The point is, that if you really want to have kids but can't, then there is still the option of adoption and believing that child is yours to love and hold, care for and guide. The child would also honestly feel you are the parent, since you would be!
So all is not lost for people who have physical (?) issues that they cannot have a child.
I'm not sure if that's an avenue for you or not? Or even 'one day'?
The other option is becoming a coach or child care worker or helper or something else that allows you to help guide and basically bring up a child in some description or another.
I wonder if any of these things have crossed your mind?
Even sponsoring a 3rd world child, then hopefully visiting his/her community one day?
Basically after you have a child you cannot imagine life without them.
My only concern is they keep getting older!
I have thought about adoption, but personally, I'd always feel disconnected from them. I want to be able to experience the whole pregnancy thing, the weird cravings, the mood swings, tough ballooned belly, random people asking when I'm due and having the chance to feel the precious child kicking around inside me. I'm still young, but by force, i had to grow up faster than most women my age. I just get so frustrated when i think about it . I've also considered the 3rd would housing option, but it just wouldn't be the same, y'know? As for having a job in the child department...there aren't really many options where I live. :(
Oh I forgot about marrying a sole dad, ironically!!
Yes I understand and emphasize with the pregnancy time. The woman is supposedly radiating and without a doubt everyone wants to chat and ask how things are. Plus also obviously just the feeling of a life forming inside you.
Mind you we are talking approx. 9 months. Plus there are a lot of obvious discomforts, and the mood swings are definitely not a good thing, that with possible morning sickness. Let alone the actual giving birth! I understand there may be young women on this forum, but I should tell you that its WORSE than what you hear of. Yes yes some give birth in under an hour and it was all glory, but 99.9% go through agonizing pain where they plead for an epidural injection to be inserted into their spine just to numb the pain!! Seriously there is no other way of saying this, if it wasn't for modern medicine and pain relief, many women could easily die from giving birth alone (as they once did)
Mind you, this giving birth may be for average time about 8hrs, can be days! And the pregnancy again is about 9 and a half months. The baby/child/person lives for about 100years! So the REAL important stuff happens after they are born. This is where you come in ;)
I know it's a long and "icky" process but I want to feel it. I don't care if it hurts. I just want to be able to HAVE one. I want to be a mother, to hold my child as it's rendered helpless until I teach it ways of life. I want to go through the "mommy, i went all by myself" phase, and the alphabet song over and over. I want to sit there and watch all those little kid shows with my child. Then send them off to school and worry every second about what's going on and if the other kids are treating mine nicely. I want to be there for them when they have a "crisis" and tell them everything's okay.
From your statement of "I want to be a mother..." and everything that follows, you CAN have this.
Missing out of the pain stage, just look at the positive part of that I suppose. I mean a large percentage of women are actually cut with scissors there (or it just rips anyway!), just to get the baby out. We are talking PAIN.
Oh and a 'sole Dad'? I don't understand the question.
I have been a sole dad since my kids were 3 and 4. And obviously just a normal dad before that.
Hmm, good point "Sole Dad" in Google doesn't provide a hell of a lot of answers.
But "Sole Father" does.
I have been taking care of my own two children (boy and girl) FULLY on my own 100% of the time, every single day and night (including ALL the domestic jobs, cooking, washing, buying clothes, school everything, you name it) BY MYSELF. There is NO kids Mom, for about 11 years now.
Hmm, you know people often understand sole moms but not dads, so it hasn't been easy.
Plus sole mums always argue and get moneys from their ex partner. It doesn't work the other way around! I get zero money from her, and my understanding is she married (again) to a VERY wealthy model. But no no, I see NONE of that money to help raise the kids, because she's a woman (in my view this is the sexist concern) Basically men still work, and lazy women still exist.
I've worked (and even had my own computer business with a shop and all) PLUS looked after my kids. True we are generally poor (to say the least) but at least I stayed and loved my kids always.
Is it normal to feel more important than you are?
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Whilst my kids were growing up (to their now teenage years) they had many friends that would come and go. Some staying the night and we even went on holidays (well a 4 day camping trip) with one of those 'best friends' once.
I noticed that the 'friends' do become part of the family a bit. ie I fed them, and even helped them if they fell (that sought of thing)
The point is, that if you really want to have kids but can't, then there is still the option of adoption and believing that child is yours to love and hold, care for and guide. The child would also honestly feel you are the parent, since you would be!
So all is not lost for people who have physical (?) issues that they cannot have a child.
I'm not sure if that's an avenue for you or not? Or even 'one day'?
The other option is becoming a coach or child care worker or helper or something else that allows you to help guide and basically bring up a child in some description or another.
I wonder if any of these things have crossed your mind?
Even sponsoring a 3rd world child, then hopefully visiting his/her community one day?
Basically after you have a child you cannot imagine life without them.
My only concern is they keep getting older!
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spazatikal
11 years ago
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I have thought about adoption, but personally, I'd always feel disconnected from them. I want to be able to experience the whole pregnancy thing, the weird cravings, the mood swings, tough ballooned belly, random people asking when I'm due and having the chance to feel the precious child kicking around inside me. I'm still young, but by force, i had to grow up faster than most women my age. I just get so frustrated when i think about it . I've also considered the 3rd would housing option, but it just wouldn't be the same, y'know? As for having a job in the child department...there aren't really many options where I live. :(
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Oh I forgot about marrying a sole dad, ironically!!
Yes I understand and emphasize with the pregnancy time. The woman is supposedly radiating and without a doubt everyone wants to chat and ask how things are. Plus also obviously just the feeling of a life forming inside you.
Mind you we are talking approx. 9 months. Plus there are a lot of obvious discomforts, and the mood swings are definitely not a good thing, that with possible morning sickness. Let alone the actual giving birth! I understand there may be young women on this forum, but I should tell you that its WORSE than what you hear of. Yes yes some give birth in under an hour and it was all glory, but 99.9% go through agonizing pain where they plead for an epidural injection to be inserted into their spine just to numb the pain!! Seriously there is no other way of saying this, if it wasn't for modern medicine and pain relief, many women could easily die from giving birth alone (as they once did)
Mind you, this giving birth may be for average time about 8hrs, can be days! And the pregnancy again is about 9 and a half months. The baby/child/person lives for about 100years! So the REAL important stuff happens after they are born. This is where you come in ;)
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spazatikal
11 years ago
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Sole Dad? Not sure what you mean there.
I know it's a long and "icky" process but I want to feel it. I don't care if it hurts. I just want to be able to HAVE one. I want to be a mother, to hold my child as it's rendered helpless until I teach it ways of life. I want to go through the "mommy, i went all by myself" phase, and the alphabet song over and over. I want to sit there and watch all those little kid shows with my child. Then send them off to school and worry every second about what's going on and if the other kids are treating mine nicely. I want to be there for them when they have a "crisis" and tell them everything's okay.
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From your statement of "I want to be a mother..." and everything that follows, you CAN have this.
Missing out of the pain stage, just look at the positive part of that I suppose. I mean a large percentage of women are actually cut with scissors there (or it just rips anyway!), just to get the baby out. We are talking PAIN.
Oh and a 'sole Dad'? I don't understand the question.
I have been a sole dad since my kids were 3 and 4. And obviously just a normal dad before that.
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spazatikal
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What is a sole dad??
But I want to FIGHT for the kid, y'know? Like, sacrifice comfort to prove to myself that it's out of love.
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Hmm, good point "Sole Dad" in Google doesn't provide a hell of a lot of answers.
But "Sole Father" does.
I have been taking care of my own two children (boy and girl) FULLY on my own 100% of the time, every single day and night (including ALL the domestic jobs, cooking, washing, buying clothes, school everything, you name it) BY MYSELF. There is NO kids Mom, for about 11 years now.
Hmm, you know people often understand sole moms but not dads, so it hasn't been easy.
Plus sole mums always argue and get moneys from their ex partner. It doesn't work the other way around! I get zero money from her, and my understanding is she married (again) to a VERY wealthy model. But no no, I see NONE of that money to help raise the kids, because she's a woman (in my view this is the sexist concern) Basically men still work, and lazy women still exist.
I've worked (and even had my own computer business with a shop and all) PLUS looked after my kids. True we are generally poor (to say the least) but at least I stayed and loved my kids always.