You are still the most important person to you. ie You can even have more children!
I have only replied to your original point of men are not maternal (agreed since that is a female quality ONLY)
I did also imply that what you stated was immature and non responsible generally selfish and childish.
Having a baby girl, is STILL your responsibility 'legally', if you can't do this normally as a father should.
Did you even see the pic of the dad and daughter on the link I posted? YOU are missing out on LEARNING to love and enjoy your OWN child. This is without a doubt extremely sad for both you and your daughter. I'm very sorry that you put yourself in this situation for your daughter's life without a LOVING Dad!!!
Thats if you give a shit about other people. It doesn't seem sad to me, i only felt sad when she was born and the months following. As soon as contact stopped, i began to cheer up....i know it's weird, but it feels normal to me.
To tell you the truth its interesting hearing the opposite standing on this.
Although I have obviously met bloky men at the pub, who obviously feel the same as you (it seems)
Still, if you could just find it in your heart to send a present on her birthday or other occasions too, I'm POSITIVE it would mean the WORLD of difference to her one day. And it may save your life if she hunts you down too Lol jks, But not joking about a card or 'special' present, at least on a yearly date! (at least)
I just can't help feel that she will always want to know of you. Are you dead? Do you care? Even a little? You know that type of compassionate understanding a daughter would like to hear once a year!! Even through a card (treasured special gift would be better)
I've tried enough. Maybe give it 1% of thought one day soon.
Oh and obviously don't go the opposite way and burn their house down or anything, because that's actually worse! go figure :)
This is probably the most serious thing i've ever said so it's easier that you're a stranger. I'm not dead but i've got skeletons in my closet that a family can't be dragged into...i like to joke around on this site alot because it takes my mind off things, but the day that i have to make the biggest moral and ethical decision of my life is coming. I can't put anyone else through it, not while my mom is alive atleast. She's better off not knowing who I am at all. If i hadn't have screwed up in such a way, i'd probably want kids. I'm going to hell.
A daughter will NEVER give up on her father under >ANY< circumstance AT ALL.
This includes > ANYTHING. The worst most horrible crime or injustice or even totally unsociable or HORRIBLE, will still not stop a daughter's love to her father.
The other people, like the EX, or other family members or even if you have done wrong by the daughter herself, is NOT important.
Just send the gift, if she's still a baby or very young, a teddy or something will do. Then make it yearly after that.
Believe it or not, 18 years from now, your daughter will still love you, whatever you did is inconsequential to her forever.
Maybe thats true. But it won't be fair for her to live with..i mean it would be worse than not knowing a parent...way worse, i never knew my father but i can think of several things that upset me more than that. I haven't decided yet anyway, i've been putting this off for years before she was born.
Insert: I have replied directly to you, as i replied to myself below (now deleted) But I wasn't sure if you actually get an email for that? So here it is again.
Here's a quick (top of my head) letter to the present carer of your child.
To <insert Carers Name>
I want you to know that I am fully aware I 'screwed up' in life. (insert: I'm using your words)
No one is more harder on this wrong than myself. I live with it everyday, I have even lost my own daughter for it. If I stop for a moment just to remind myself I probably wouldn't even be here. Please understand this has the greatest moral and ethical concerns for me, which continues to burden me (possibly forever)
I contact you only for (insert daughter's name)'s sake.
Although this fully effects her, I have debated this with myself of the lesser of two evils, for years now. I would like to send her a card or possibly a present on birthdays and other festive occasions, just so she doesn't live a life as I lived without a father who cared.
For what its worth, I do care. More than life itself.
Please allow any gift I send over the years, to reach her well. She will remain in my heart as my daughter even if I am not the father figure anyone would wish for.
I wish all the happiness and health and well being for (insert daughter's name) forever.
(insert daughter's name)'s Father.
[First gift enclosed]
---
Actually I'd probably re-word that a few hundred times just to get it right, but that's what I'd recommend for you as a new beginning in your daughters life
SHE will want to know, I promise you.
It will be worse for HER.
And I try to think of all possibilities, heck this is even the IIN site, I've heard it all. There's nothing that would want her to prefer not knowing you, even via the post once a year (ideally more as a year is a lifetime for a child)
Anyway that's my opinion, and what I have also viewed from my own kids who had their own mother desert them when they were 3 and 4. I hate her, but my kids STILL long for her and miss her with all (well half) their heart.
I don't think you'd find a better more ideal person to respond to you on this strangely.
is it normal to feel men do not want kids
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You are still the most important person to you. ie You can even have more children!
I have only replied to your original point of men are not maternal (agreed since that is a female quality ONLY)
I did also imply that what you stated was immature and non responsible generally selfish and childish.
Having a baby girl, is STILL your responsibility 'legally', if you can't do this normally as a father should.
Did you even see the pic of the dad and daughter on the link I posted? YOU are missing out on LEARNING to love and enjoy your OWN child. This is without a doubt extremely sad for both you and your daughter. I'm very sorry that you put yourself in this situation for your daughter's life without a LOVING Dad!!!
--
[Old Memory]
11 years ago
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Thats if you give a shit about other people. It doesn't seem sad to me, i only felt sad when she was born and the months following. As soon as contact stopped, i began to cheer up....i know it's weird, but it feels normal to me.
--
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11 years ago
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To tell you the truth its interesting hearing the opposite standing on this.
Although I have obviously met bloky men at the pub, who obviously feel the same as you (it seems)
Still, if you could just find it in your heart to send a present on her birthday or other occasions too, I'm POSITIVE it would mean the WORLD of difference to her one day. And it may save your life if she hunts you down too Lol jks, But not joking about a card or 'special' present, at least on a yearly date! (at least)
I just can't help feel that she will always want to know of you. Are you dead? Do you care? Even a little? You know that type of compassionate understanding a daughter would like to hear once a year!! Even through a card (treasured special gift would be better)
I've tried enough. Maybe give it 1% of thought one day soon.
Oh and obviously don't go the opposite way and burn their house down or anything, because that's actually worse! go figure :)
--
[Old Memory]
11 years ago
|
pl
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This is probably the most serious thing i've ever said so it's easier that you're a stranger. I'm not dead but i've got skeletons in my closet that a family can't be dragged into...i like to joke around on this site alot because it takes my mind off things, but the day that i have to make the biggest moral and ethical decision of my life is coming. I can't put anyone else through it, not while my mom is alive atleast. She's better off not knowing who I am at all. If i hadn't have screwed up in such a way, i'd probably want kids. I'm going to hell.
--
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11 years ago
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No you're wrong.
A daughter will NEVER give up on her father under >ANY< circumstance AT ALL.
This includes > ANYTHING. The worst most horrible crime or injustice or even totally unsociable or HORRIBLE, will still not stop a daughter's love to her father.
The other people, like the EX, or other family members or even if you have done wrong by the daughter herself, is NOT important.
Just send the gift, if she's still a baby or very young, a teddy or something will do. Then make it yearly after that.
Believe it or not, 18 years from now, your daughter will still love you, whatever you did is inconsequential to her forever.
--
[Old Memory]
11 years ago
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pl
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Maybe thats true. But it won't be fair for her to live with..i mean it would be worse than not knowing a parent...way worse, i never knew my father but i can think of several things that upset me more than that. I haven't decided yet anyway, i've been putting this off for years before she was born.
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11 years ago
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Insert: I have replied directly to you, as i replied to myself below (now deleted) But I wasn't sure if you actually get an email for that? So here it is again.
Here's a quick (top of my head) letter to the present carer of your child.
To <insert Carers Name>
I want you to know that I am fully aware I 'screwed up' in life. (insert: I'm using your words)
No one is more harder on this wrong than myself. I live with it everyday, I have even lost my own daughter for it. If I stop for a moment just to remind myself I probably wouldn't even be here. Please understand this has the greatest moral and ethical concerns for me, which continues to burden me (possibly forever)
I contact you only for (insert daughter's name)'s sake.
Although this fully effects her, I have debated this with myself of the lesser of two evils, for years now. I would like to send her a card or possibly a present on birthdays and other festive occasions, just so she doesn't live a life as I lived without a father who cared.
For what its worth, I do care. More than life itself.
Please allow any gift I send over the years, to reach her well. She will remain in my heart as my daughter even if I am not the father figure anyone would wish for.
I wish all the happiness and health and well being for (insert daughter's name) forever.
(insert daughter's name)'s Father.
[First gift enclosed]
---
Actually I'd probably re-word that a few hundred times just to get it right, but that's what I'd recommend for you as a new beginning in your daughters life
SHE will want to know, I promise you.
It will be worse for HER.
And I try to think of all possibilities, heck this is even the IIN site, I've heard it all. There's nothing that would want her to prefer not knowing you, even via the post once a year (ideally more as a year is a lifetime for a child)
Anyway that's my opinion, and what I have also viewed from my own kids who had their own mother desert them when they were 3 and 4. I hate her, but my kids STILL long for her and miss her with all (well half) their heart.
I don't think you'd find a better more ideal person to respond to you on this strangely.